Note: this is not my real family. They are merely figments of my imagination. I am sure people like this do exist in the world, but they aren't related to me ... or are they. Seriously. They aren't. It's just a story.

Part 1 of the story: https://nickstockton.blogspot.com/2018/11/the-night-before-black-friday.html

The alarms from the cell phones chime in unison at eight o'clock. Probably because no one chose another alarm than the default provided by the phone manufacturer. The team assembled in the kitchen, getting ready to move to the van. Grandmom has one last message for everyone, "I must admit. This is the best team from our family in years to go out on Black Friday. I've got a feeling that we will be victorious in our pursuits. Let us pray."

Everyone bows their heads.

Grandmom says, "Oh Lord. Please, please help us in our time if need. We wish the strength to stand and not bend, not to have to leave the line for any reason. May we save, save, save money instead of paying retail prices. Oh Lord, thank you for my Grand daughter joining the family this year for this quest. May she be better than my daughter who always seems to have to go to the bathroom and wind up at the end of the line and missing the sales."

My Wife yells out, "Mom!"

Grandmom replies, "I digress. Thank you, Lord. Also, thank you for letting me have a wonderful buzz right now, not driving the car,  and not yelling at my daughter for being and then marrying a dumb ass!"

Everyone says, "Amen!"

Grandmom raises her hands to the sky and proclaims, "Let's go shopping!!!"

With the thunderous sound of feet running to the car, my wife presses the key FOB and opens the van doors. Everyone pours into the van and the doors slam shut. My wife is driving, her Mom is in the passengers seat, and my daughter is in the back. My wife presses the button to turn in the car. The engine roars to life. Just as my wife looks over the instrument panel and switches the gear to reverse, she says, "Now a quick trip to the gas station to refill."

Grandmom blurts out, "What the f#$k!"

My wife replies, "Grandmom please!"

Grandmom keeps talking, "It's 1994 all over again!"

My wife tries to explain, "I trusted my husband to ..."

She really did not ask her husband, but it is better to be his fault than actually forgetting to fill the tank with gas.

"Trust your husband?", Grandmom replies, " That is why you failed! This was your only task! You know how important this is!"

Grandmom pulls her cell phone from her purse and says, "I am going to get an Uber! This is bulls#$t!"

My Wife is trying to talk in a calm voice, "Mom, the car is running, and there is a station in the way."

My Wife pushes her foot firmly on the gas pedal, moving the car out if the driveway and on the street. She turns the wheel, changes the gear, and away they go!

My Wife says, "This will take a minute. There is a gas station right up to the street."

My daughter asks, "Grandmom, what happened in 1994?"

Grandmother, still buzzed, turns to my daughter and says, "Twas the night after Turkey and all through the. .."

Grandmom breaks out in laughter.

"I can't keep that s&*t up. Too much rhyming.", Grandmom clears her throat and continues, "Anyway, back in 1994 I am in a station wagon with your late Father."

My daughter chimes in, "He's still alive. We just saw him at family dinner night?"

Grandmom continues, "No. Your Father was late for everything, and after a while, we just used the term your 'late Father' to explain to people that he's always running late."

My Daughter responds, "Oh. Ok."

Grandmom says, "Anyway, your late Father was actually on time for once, and was driving the car."

My daughter asks, "Why didn't you drive?"

Grandmom replies, "Because you can't be the Queen if you're not the one doing the work. The Queen directs the others where to go and you can't do that behind the wheel. I am the Queen."

My wife chimes in, "Yeah, a Queen in your own mind."

She turns her head to look at my wife, "What's that? Did you say something?"

My Wife smiles and says, "Hi Mama."

Grandmom says, "That's right."

Grandmom turns her head back to my daughter.

Grandmom says, "Now, where was I?"

My daughter asks, "What's a station wagon?"

Grandmom replies, "You ask too many questions. For a child who is connected to the Internet twenty-four hours a day, you sure rely on your elders to answer all of your questions!"

My daughter replies, "Sorry. Please continue."

Grandmom clears her throat again and says, "So, we're in the car, heading to the mall, and your late Father is behind the wheel. All if the sudden, he starts to feel like he's getting stabbed in the gut. He's sweating everywhere, soaking wet, and drives himself to the hospital. Once I see the sign for the hospital, I slap him!"

My daughter asks, "Why?"

Grandmom yells, "The hospital is not the mall! He rolls into the Emergency area, throws the car in park, undoes his seatbelt and collapsed in the ground."

My Daughter asks, "What happened?"

Grandmom says, "Well, I walked around the car, yelled at your late Father for a minute, then started beating on the horn until someone picked him up."

My Daughter Asks, "Then what happened."

Grandmom continues, "So, once they got him propped in a wheelchair, he said, 'Go on without me. I know it is Black Friday. Go on!'".

My Daughter asks, "What did you do?"

Grandmom continues, "I got in the driver's seat, put the pedal to the metal, and made it to the mall before it opened. I almost didn't get the gift certificate!

My daughter asks, "So, Grandad is at the hospital. What did he have?"

Grandmom blurts out, "His appendix ruptured. But that is not the point. I almost didn't make it to the stores. Focus!"

My daughter decided to stay quiet. She could have started a fight, but she didn't want to stur the pot. Then, some if the stories that Mom had about Grandmom started to make sense.

Grandmom says, "How long is this trip to the gas station. I'm losing my Thanksgiving buzz."

My wife made a quick right into the gas station and said, "We're here!"

A few minutes later, they were back in the road. It's nine o'clock, the parking lot is mostly full, and the van slips into a parking spot. Let the games begin!