random thought. is Love built on a foundation of what is felt, or what is said? can what be said – in conversation, in responses to questions, in explanations of random things – evoke emotion in someone so much as to mimic the sensation of love? or is love built on a more granular, molecular level of energies and frequencies and vibrations matching – purely a feeling?

i came upon something new, a study. dr. arthur aron, professor of psychology at the state university of new york, has scientifically studied love (and been with his wife for fifty years). Somehow, somehow, he managed to come up with a comprehensive list of thirty six questions that can simulate the feeling of falling in love with your question partner.

thirty six questions. after which asking and answering can have you feel suddenly “close” to this person – old friend or stranger. the questions come in sets, each subsequent set being more personal than the prior. the list starts with questions like “do you want to be famous?” but quickly get to “which Family member’s death would be most disturbing?”

i loved the questions, however i question the study. do we feel drawn to our question partner based on any answers provided for the questions posed? or only if we like our partner’s answers? and how temporary is this sensation that comes with completing the questions?

regardless, i want to challenge you to run these questions by someone, anyone. grab your dearest friend, or the guy/girl you’re dating, or a stranger, your favourite substance to abuse, a snack, and get into it. make it a date. let me know how it pans out in the comments.

i also want to challenge veterans in love: my parents – married for 20 years, our family members, your family members, anyone you know who has been walking in love by the side of their partner for a significant amount of time. a possible twist could be to ask their partners how they think the questions posed would be answered by them.

(p.s. it would just make my entire life if one of you out there were to read this and actually fall in love with someone after doing the questions. i’d feel like cupid, forever)

(p.s.s. if you want to be extra corny – please do – play “spellbound” by kelissa in the background. i promise it’s a vibe)

the questions:

set 1

• Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
• Would you like to be famous? In what way?
• Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
• What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
• When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
• If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
• Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
• Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
• For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
• If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be
• Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
• If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

set 2

• If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
• Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
• What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
• What do you value most in a friendship?
• What is your most treasured memory?
• What is your most terrible memory?
• If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
• What does friendship mean to you?
• What roles do love and affection play in your life?
• Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
• How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
• How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

set 3

• Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”
• Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
• If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
• Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
• Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
• When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
• Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
• What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
• If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
• Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
• Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
• Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.