Well, yours truly has been experiencing some health related issues as of lately. I was unsure I wanted to share thsi with the general public, or my Family if they ever come across reading this, but in a way I'm sorta glad to get it off my chest.

I strive to look back some day and laugh at this whole matter, but in the meantime I want to share some of my deeper self with you.

I'm 35 years old, and for the most part of my life, have been raised very healthy and I'd like to think with my head screwed in straight. I never did any drugs at all, even while in college. Drinking on the other hand is a notehr story. I like my alcohol sometimes in moderations, sometimes in binges, and I'm quite aware that alcoholism is a force in my family through teh generations, but i don't consider my self an alcoholic. There are times, even weeks on end where I don't even touch a sip....more so in social occasions, or as a stress reliever.

Anyway, I digress. Back to the present. I'm in relayively good shape. I exercise regularly, and watch what I eat. I may be a few pounds over weight, but I also weight lift and have no problem throwing up over 300lbs of iron. I'm a big guy, and friends often tell me, they never wanna get in a fight with me.

I love my wife, my family my job, and my God, but that doesn't mean life is perfect.

The last few years I've been finding myself more or more sinking into a funk. I have great friends, and enjoy my memories with them, but there are still times I feel alone. Even with my parents and my wife, I feel alone.

More recently, especially over the last few months other factors have been really plauging me: a new house, home repairs, bills, taxes, a step daughter, our inability to have children right now, a manager I don't care for, issue with my family and church, a few friends have recently let me down. Some work at my house hasn't gone as well as planned, and this has resulted in a certain level of stress.

I look back now over the last few months and have had a few concerns regarding my health. I've battled insomnia off and on for years, but lately it has been a little worse or more often. I've also been experience a bit of chest pains, shortness of breath, irritability, and for lack of a better word, feeelings of depression. As a matter of fact, lately I can come to tears at a drop of a hat for no apparant reason.

Well the pains in my chest have been getting worse, so I decided to see a doctor the other day. The result: a little high blood pressure and GAD, or General Anxiety Disorder. He perscribed to me quite the cocktail on pills: Ambien is one of the, basically industrial sleep medication in 10mg tablets, then the other one is Lexapro in 1mg tablets that I take once a day. Finally the last one is a pill I am taking twice a day which I can;t remember it's name buts starts with a 'C'. It's also an anxiety medication to help calm my nerves.

10/21/05 Update: The C drug is called Clozapine, which I learned is a treatment for Schizophrenia. Great, my doctor may think I am a nut after all, though I have NO suicidal tendancies. That;s not to say there are a feew people in my life I woudl like to wish away to the Cornfield.

e effects: I get a little drowsy, get very mild dizzy spells or vertigo from time to time, and quite honestly just don;t seem to get irritated as easy. Mind you, while on the pills, I can't drink any alcohol, so I am booze free for the next few weeks until my next evaluation.

Was a little depressing when I got these perscriptions. I had a talk with Monica, and it feels slightly uneasy and embarrassing to know I may have recently developed a chemical imbalance in the head. But it's better than my contstant mood swings , and elevated stress levels, and ready to pounce on people at any time. I don't feel like a loon, though I do have loony thoughts.

Last night I felt a little drunk after my pills, and I'll I took them with is water, but I've had pretty good sleep otherwise.

I'll keep ya posted.