Usually any mention of Paradise by the Dashboard Light elicits various simulated retching sounds among my so-called 'friends'. Why this seemingly reflexive defense reaction to what is surely the blueprint for teen pop masterpieces everywhere? Well, maybe this has something to do with it:

or this:

Tatu they ain't. But Jim Steinman and Meat Loaf nonetheless created a teen soap melodrama the heights of which not even two faux-lesbians lusting after each other in the rain could attain.

Now I know that some of you must be saying to yourselves "how DARE you! I hate this song because it is the most cheesy, over-the-top aberration ever committed to tape, not because Jim Steinman's jacket is the most cheesy, over-the-top aberration ever committed to leather" (but secretly you love his jacket, don't you). But in the words of the great mullet n' shades man himself: "If you don't go over the top, you can't see what's on the other side."

And what's on the other side? The land of the eight and a half minute pop song. A vast no-man's land between the borders of pop and musicals, where one song can contain roughly 32 emotions, 17 key changes, 5 choruses, 1 legendary yankees baseball announcer and the entire narrative of Grease. This is the land where rock n' roll dreams come through, come and stay a while.

Just in case you still can't overcome the tragic un-hipness of it all, here are some 'cool' facts about Jim n' Meat:

• Jim's first musical was deemed too sexually explicit to be shown on broadway: ROCK N ROLL!!


• Meat Loaf was in Fight Club and The Rocky Horror Picture Show: edgy.


• Meat Loaf's official site, along with his most loyal fanbase, is based in Germany: Hasselhoff factor



• Ladies and gentlemen, the young Jim Steinman:

OH MY GOD IT'S THE BEST POP STAR PICTURE EVER!!!!

There. Convinced? Good.