2:39am

Currently lying on the bed staring at the ceiling for a solid 20 minutes while listening closely to every word sung by Jose Gonzalez.

Not happy.

I'm dull and eager to break through.

I want to leave for a change but am afraid of the unknown.

It feels like... like I am trapped in this body. Perhaps God's merciful yet cruel plan is to watch me suffer. But hold, do you not see me suffered enough?

You have no idea that I died a little each day, attempting to reach out for help but I have no descriptions for my symptoms.

With every tear streaming down my cheeks, I whispered "I'm just so sad" repeatedly.

2018, you have been a dick to me all year. All I ever wanted was to live a normal lifestyle with friends and family who cares.

It's crazy because the life you once visioned as a kid didn't come through, and as an adult, you started creating fantasies and visions to make up for all the lost promises you keep.

So if you have any new and improved plan please let me know, I'm desperately willing to try.