Women’s month ensues and a quarter of 2017 is almost over. I haven’t been dealing with a lot of external issues lately which is great as I am now having ample time to look inward and thoroughly think things through. I am an empath and it’s just recently that I am starting to understand the complexities of this personality type when it comes to how my body and my mind react to external stimuli. In hindsight, my past struggles really look different when viewed from this criterion. There’s nothing wrong with me – it is the world that is both chaotic and serene at the same time – and there’s also nothing wrong with that.
Now that I am much happier with life, I am again losing my drive to Write. And I often view this reluctance and idleness as a disservice to myself. Why do I only force myself to write in moments when life is throwing so much shit at me as if they were cream pies at a low-attendance pantomime? If you think about it, Jack Kerouac, Ian Curtis and Kurt Cobain wouldn’t make a name for themselves if they didn’t put their personal tragedies into writing. All of them are also dead now which is really my point, actually. Sadness should be a spring that propels you to greater heights not a downward spiral (that was a solid album tho).
The past few days, I have been scribbling in my planner tiny plans on how to become the person I want to be before 30. Why 30? This video explains why.
Apart from dealing with more adult decisions like finding life partners, having kids, freezing my eggs, buying homes, it dawned on me that I am not even capable of making those decisions because my life right now hasn't really prepared me to handle the heavier sides of adulthood. Sure I'm very independent but I'm not exactly self-reliant. And while there might be certain aspects of success that I can't accomplish right now because of limited resources and opportunities, I might as well try and become the person who will be able to handle all of those when my life finally looks like the ones in the movies.
I am pretty lucky to have plenty of time for self-discovery when I was younger and I no longer feel the need to do some “Eat, Pray, Love” just to find myself. I need to work on learning invaluable life skills and overcoming fears to make this second Puberty more bearable. It is quite shocking that I lack the most basic life skills and have the dumbest of fears that I need to conquer (one of my biggest fears is becoming a housewife so ridiculous!). But it's better to deal with them now than be so ashamed I can't take a child to a roadtrip because people drive on the left-side of the bloody road (another Fear is not being able to take my "figurative" kids to offbeat trips). Gahh I have soo much things to doooo than wait for a cheaper Coldplay ticket ad on Craigslist! Why am I wasting my time???!!!
Pfffff.
So yeah, hopefully I have something to write about in the coming months that I can reread years from now when I'm already the woman I wanted to become back when life was barely cinematic and all the struggles seemed insurmountable. Hopefully, life
