I came across this video about Forgiveness from soul pancake and its message really struck a chord.



This video reminded me of a story a monk once told me. The story was about a man who was walking to the village when he accidentally stumbled upon a dead body (not morbid at all). Curious as to who the dead man was, he carried the corpse down to the village and knocked on every household asking if they knew the dead man. They didn't. He went at it for hours and even days when he finally came across another man who asked him what he was doing. He told him he was very tired from carrying the corpse around and his efforts of knowing the identity of the dead guy seemed futile. The man gave the simplest advise "why don't you just bury it?" He was shocked why he didn't think of doing that in the first place and as soon as he unloaded the corpse off his shoulders, it was even more of a surprise to find out that the body was his old self.

I've been struggling with the thought of forgiveness and letting go recently. A lot of people have already weighed in their views regarding my situation and even if most of them think that dropping everything and walking away is the most convenient option (in terms of health and personal development), it still doesn't change the fact that I bear grudges that make my pace in moving on slower, unnoticeable and therefore discredited. Forgiveness is necessary for me to be able to move forward but I find this easier said than done.

But this video has a refreshing take on forgiveness. It is not about those who wronged you. It is solely about you. It made me realize that I don't need to focus on the act of forgiveness but on finding forgiveness within me first. The acknowledgment that I was hurt, that I was vulnerable, that I was deprived of what I thought was my clear shot at love and happiness, and more importantly, that I deserve compassion too.

I thought about doing the same experiment in the coming days and see what it will bring me. I really hope to overcome this as early as my mind and my heart allow it so I can be ready for a better shot at life without crutches.

I want to be ready for more stable things. I want to have a clean slate the right way.