This is the third time i'm trying to write something down in here, it's been quite a while since I updated this blog.

Well, i'm back from Africa. Came back at the end of february and I don't really know what to think of it to be honest. In some ways it feels great and in other ways it just feels...weird.
Maybe it is because here in Sweden i'm confronted with everyday life in a different way compared to how I was living in Africa. Or maybe it's the mentality here in Europe that bothers me, where people stab eachother in the back more often than I change my socks. At first it was the cold weather, it was terrible. But now as spring approaches and the sun is coming forth it's not so bad anymore.
But yes I managed to travel through southern Africa, working on farms for food and accommodation, hitchhiking, taking buses and trains. South Africa, Namibia, Botswana, Zimbabwe, Zambia, Malawi, Tanzania and Kenya. Nearly seven months on that crazy, beautiful continent. I laughed, I got mad, I experienced and I lived. Yes, things didn't really turn out as I had hoped for, but everything happens for a reason. I got homesick after a few months and decided to do something about it and flew back to Sweden  from Kenya. Do I regret it? In some ways yes, in some ways no. What I miss the most is the warmth, not only the weather but also the warmth of the people in Africa. Things work differently in Africa that cannot be explained to people here in Europe that hasn't experienced it themselves. You can't put it in words, but it IS a completeley different world and a different way of thinking. A more natural and down-to-earth way of thinking, which is based on "the now". Everything works but in the same time it doesn't. It's a charm which cannot be found here in western civilization. One thing that i've brought with me from Africa is the fact that I simply can't take people here in Europe seriously anymore. We all have our problems, but many problems are quite small and ridicilous compared to the problems people face in Africa every single day. I mean, when you see people(and yes folks, even kids) living in mud huts, with barely any clothes on their back, no electricity and they're still happy it makes you think. Quite a bit. Sure, people shouted "give me money" almost everytime they saw this particular mzungu(white person) and sometimes it was heartbreaking(especially when small kids came up to you and the only thing they could say in english was that phrase) and sometimes it was frustrating, but I understand them, I would do the same if I was walking in their shoes. I got ripped off quite a few times, but it's not surprising since travelling white people usually means big business in Africa. Not all people will rip you off or beg money from you, but a lot of people will try, especially in the middle of Africa. Some people were blatantly honest about it, others were more careful about their intentions. And loads of people just wanted to help you out, to show the true face of Africa. I got a lot of help during my travels and still to this day i'm quite amazed and proud that I managed to travel more than 6000 kilometres by myself and nothing bad happened. People helped me with places to stay or pulled over and offered me a ride as I was walking towards a particular highway to get somewhere. Some people even wanted to share their food with me even though they had nothing themselves! That's Africa. that's humanity.

So what now? What's my next big plan? My next big adventure? Well, for a while I thought that i'd head off to Canada(one day I will though, been wanting to go there since I was a kid), besides that I didn't really know what to do. It's been really confusing coming back to this stale, two-faced  society. But, as I've said many times before, everything happens for a reason. A friend of mine offered me the chance to rent a small plot of land with him to grow vegetables and medical herbs, something i've dreamed of doing while working my ass off on those organic farms in Africa. So, I've decided to stay, for a while atleast, to work on the land, to be happily in love for the first time since I don't know when. I'm still drifting, mostly between Gothenburg and Malmö(sometimes I even have the luxury of sleeping in a bed), living out of my backpack. I'm even gonna get myself a driving license with the hopes of one day owning a small bus or van where I can live and roam the world as I please. Getting a dog is also planned for. Since i'm gonna stay i'm also thinking of staying in one place permanently for a while. A home.
Things change all the time, in some ways for the bad, but in my case the changes has been for the good and i'm eternally grateful for these events. I truly believe that every misfortune in life is a lesson and that every fortune in life is a result of that lesson being learned. I also believe that if you ask for something in life and truly believe in it, you will recieve it. Why not? Everything i've done the past year or so has been mind-breaking for a person like me, having the history that I do. I've never had nothing. Foster homes, juvenile homes and orphanages was the way I grew up. Angst, depression, drinking and drugs became my reality for far too many years. I've been through hell more times than I can count. But I realised one day that if I don't change and follow my heart, my dreams, I can just as well kill myself since I hated my life at that time. I did that change and it cost me dearly, but I'm happy I went through with it. Today, I can stand firmly on the ground saying:
"I'm free, I'm alive".

Life IS what you make of it.