We tend to be given the message to rid our lives of whatever doesn't serve us. Which is, in theory, a good message. It is actually a good rite of passage to have the knowledge and self assurance to know who is or is is not worth investing in. Except, we also tend to overuse this method of self care - I would assume because it is easy. Easy being what many of us strive for these days.
We are taught, however, that the only ones we don't rid ourselves of are our children. Which is actually really good advice. But, we are not necessarily told what to do instead pushing others away - as in, we are not given the tools to function in relationships without lots of trial and error, hurt feelings, and bad endings. The complete opposite of an ideal situation.
Enabling
It is important to understand how we are effecting those who we enable. We often hear the terms enabler, enabled, enabling, or enable as negatives, and they can be negatively connotated, but not always. In fact, there are times when we need to positively enable a person.
Being There
Much like being an enabler, being there for someone can be either a positive or negative proposition. Sometimes there is no recognizable difference between being there for and enabling someone. We are always told to be there for our children, our family, our friends, and ourselves. But again, most of us were never given the full tool box to be there for others and ourselves.
Embracing
When our loved ones are not on track, the worse thing we can do is push them away, despite the common belief that we should shed those who don't serve us. There are so many reasons a loved one could be off track; addictions, mental health, divorce, loss - anything. The last thing they want is to be pushed out by those they are looking for strength from. Unfortunately, we all make this mistake - we push people out because they are making our lives hard. All this does is put a big spot light on the mistakes they are making and sheds the message they are not worthy. What is missed is that they don't want to be making these mistakes, and, if they could see a way out they would take it. Pushing a loved one away in their time of need doesn't show them the way, it clouds the way further. Simply, the only reason we do this is because of our own broken ego.Life has dealt me many of these situations - on both the receiving and pitching sides of the plate. Embracing your loved ones opens the gates to strengthen your relationships. It sees real change on both sides. The biggest pitfall is we often fall in to a trap of negatively enabling our loved ones when we think we are supporting them. Embracing our loved ones involves us creating a healthy support plan and constantly checking the plan, adjusting as necessary. We have to remember, this isn't about anybody but our loved ones who are experiencing the issues.
| About Jason White |
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| Jason White is a father, a grandfather, knowledge seeker and sharer. Jason is the owner of Growth Positive Consulting where he puts his fundraising and management skills to great use. He is a writer, a woodworker, and a philanthropist. Find him here:facebook: @JasonLWhiteAuthortwitter: @ChiiMakwainstagram: @Chii_Makwa |
