… Isabella, how many of your titles are Good Charlotte songs… um well, I mean, like… hey they’re song names are relevant okay.
Good Morning! 5am in LA on Monday and my cat woke me up around 4. As of lately I can’t fall back asleep, so I wake up and work on my personal projects. Today I finished this post that I started a few days back. I hope you have a great week! OH and Portugal plays today #WorldCup2018 so PORTUGAL! Anyways, please enjoy and yes – sending YOU positive vibes and thoughts for the upcoming week.
While I intend to post a life update regarding my quarter-life crisis (yes, I realized I spelled it wrong in my hashtag, but to my defense, I type fast and sometimes we all just make typos you know?) I wanted to briefly touch upon Inspiration prior to personally opening up to you.
Inspiration – what does it mean? What does it feel like it? Does it look like something or someone? What Inspires you? I assume and likely know for a fact that each of us is inspired by different things. This can be a person, a place, a thing, etc. What inspires you is likely not what inspires me. However, when you are faced with difficult life moments, it is in my personal belief that inspiration can help you through it. As we are all aware life hits us hard sometimes. Some more than others. What can we do to keep our hopes up? While I have many opinions geared towards “keeping your head high and keeping your faith”, in the last few days what has helped me personally is reminding myself what inspires me.
Inspiration means, according to the internet a couple of different things. For the purpose of this snippet, I’ll choose which ones I believe pertain to my point. Inspiration: Providing or showing creative or spiritual inspiration (Dictionary.com). Something that makes someone want to do something or gives one an idea of what to do or create: a force/influence that inspires someone: a person place, experience, etc. that makes something want to do or create something (Merriam-Webster.com).
So far, we’ve gathered the key point of what defines inspiration: what makes someone want to CREATE – I’ll take this a step further and imply this – what makes someone want to create CHANGE; what INSPIRES the MOTIVATION behind pushing through life’s difficulties and bettering yourself in the process. What inspires you? Ask yourself. Write it down. Or, just think about it.
Now I’ll provide you with examples of my personal inspirations and why. My list is lengthy, so bear with me while I attempt to include my top inspirations.
If you’ve read anything I’ve posted, you’ll know that I am religious. While in the last 6 or so months I admit I’ve lost my close relationship with God and am in the process of reviving it. I haven’t been to church/service since July 2017, but I do strongly suggest and personally love the podcast and YouTube channel called Elevation Church. Pastor Steven has helped shape my perspective numerous times. I will be honest with you regarding my beliefs about religion since this is such a heavy topic I might as well address it now. If you’re a “science vs. God” thinker, great, I was too once upon a time. Then around 21-22 I started slowly allowing my faith to re-enter my life. Hence the cross tattoo behind my ear. I wouldn’t be alive without some sort of angel guiding me. I have had many opportunities in my life where I should have died (examples: a wave taking me over when I was 7, overdosing, anorexia, just to name a few), and I know in my heart that a higher power has watched and guided me through these moments of despair and helplessness. Additionally, my family’s cultural background is European and South American so by default I was raised to believe in God, Jesus, and overall a higher power. WOAH! That was a long example. But returning to the spiritual portion of inspiration’s definition, in the last four weeks not only have I spoken with God (sometimes he doesn’t answer), but I have also trusted the Universe. It is in my belief that each of us has destined paths and doors open when the timing is right. Yes, you can work towards your goals, but I do believe that what is meant to happen, will happen. Additionally, I believe in “it had to happen” (direct quote from Elevation Church), and lastly, I believe that you/I are strong enough to handle whatever we are meant to deal with.
Spirituality has shaped overtime in my life and now we’ll shift gears towards how spirituality = creativity. I just mentioned that I have put my trust in God and the Universe to direct my steps and guide me through this difficult time in my life. How did this inspire my creativity? First of all, I am writing, aren’t I? This is huge for me because based on past behavior, when depression, anxiety, relapses, etc., the one thing that I stop doing is writing. Creativity looks different to all of us. If you’re a musician you’ll turn to music to help you, if you’re a writer like me, you’ll try to write, but what if the usual coping mechanisms aren’t working… what do you do then? This is where I had to dig deep to figure it out.
Moving on to what else inspires me. One huge inspiration is my father’s business. If you know me personally, you’ll know that my father and I have had an extremely interesting relationship. I don’t intend to disclose the personal details of our relationship, not yet, at least. Despite that at the end of the day he’s the only Dad I’ll ever have and oftentimes when I feel like I am in a rut, I look at his accomplishments. He’s completely illiterate due to lack of education. My father is from the Azores, if I’ve mentioned this before my apologies, and the Azores are islands of Portugal located in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. It’s a hidden gem so if you are a traveler, you should Google it. So he grew up there, born and raised and unfortunately at the time in the 80’s, education wasn’t a priority. Not to put anyone on blast either, but his mother didn’t allow him to go to school. Because of that, he was forced to work at an early age, 8-9 I believe. He grew up poor. Hungry. Scared. He came to America at 19 years old, speaking Portuguese fluently, but unable to read or write in Portuguese and of course, unable to read or write in English. He then learned Italian (my mother’s side is Argentinian, but her parents are Italian and was able to pick up Italian and Spanish very quickly). He worked odd jobs, until getting a great position with a construction Union probably 10ish years later. Afterward, unfortunately, he was fired due to not wearing his “yellow hard hat” on the job site. From there he focused on his side jobs, which he always did. He always retouched steps, chimneys, etc. for local neighbors, family, or friends of friends. One day in 2012, shit really hit the roof. Like really. He hit rock bottom. DUI. Instead of letting this break him, he used this moment in his life to fuel him. Once he got his license back, he ENSURED and PROMISED himself that his business would boom. And Gosh, did it. To this day, our business is successful; primarily because of HIS work ethic, dreams, and motivators. Again, to reiterate, like many immigrants, he came to America with NOTHING and built a business (in addition to a home and family) from the GROUND UP. Wow, some days just thinking about it gives me the push I need. –SUPER SIDE NOTE: I have a bit of a fan base from the UK (GOOO ENGLAND!!) but lol as a Portuguese human, since it is the World Cup 2018, please excuse this but GO PORTUGALLL!!!! RONALDO!!!!!!
Other inspirations for me? Undoubtedly, my mother. When I think about her my heart feels all warm and mushy. I could go on for days boasting about her and how she is the most wonderful human to ever walk this planet, and I will. But she is another source of inspiration. How much she has endured, continues to, but gets through each day like the trooper she is. Lastly, of course, I want to mention that while inspirations are usually people you are connected to, they can also be people you’ve never met. Musicians, artists, etc. So there are times where I find myself inspired by a stranger. Someone who created a song, a book, created something when they were “hit their rock bottom”. Life for me has been a roller coaster since June 1. Another unspecified event that I won’t detail here, but it was a shocker and a hit in the face, happened. My reaction to it initially was self-destructive, but then I took a look at it from another perspective. What happened to me CREATED inspiration. Because of the event, I am here writing. I am pursuing “Crystal Consults” I am freelancing, working from home, up at odd hours to deal with my thoughts, but in addition to express my creativity. I have not felt more determined and aligned with the Universe and God. What had to happen, happened. There is no changing it. There is only moving forward with the pure hope that acceptance will come into play and the anger will diminish. I am putting forth the fact that what could have torn me apart did the OPPOSITE and I used the experience to “visualize and create”. I reminded myself of the power of Manifestation and how on numerous occasions, I have manifested my life (i.e. moving from BOS-LA, finding employment, finding apartments, finding and pursuing a romantic relationship with a beautiful, intelligent, kind-hearted, didn’t realize men like him existed human (and I can’t tell you, sometimes I just look at him and I’m like are you sure you are real???), and to the most up-to-date manifestation: adopting a greyhound!!! Another life-long dream & goal of mine). So, my friends, I am here to tell you that when you are in your dark tunnel with 0 sense of direction, remind yourself of who or what inspires you. Use your pain to motivate you to change something – or do something. Obviously, we will all experience hardships. But, what do you do with the cards you are dealt? Create. Be creative. Above all, have an optimistic heart – even though it is so hard, believe that you will get through this hump and you will be okay.
Until we talk again! Soon.
All my love,
-Bells.
