and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine... John 2:9
Maybe that's what the world needs most right now, someone who will say "Bro, just chill out," and turn water into wine. Jesus' first miracle was pretty rad. I've been having a hell of a time figuring out what exactly I should write about lately. I'm not professional. I don't liken myself to Hunter S. Thompson, or any other great writers and journalists. Fuck it. This isn't happening tonight.
Okay, next evening. You know, there is an overused expression coined by Captain Jack Sparrow, "Why is the rum always gone?" I was forced to utter this phrase only a few days prior to writing this shitty blog. Unlike my tattered life, situations like that must be rectified immediately. I did so the next day. I headed to the liquor store in order to restock the sweet nectar that is Sailor Jerry rum. I was introduced to Sailor Jerry years earlier while loving life in the Marine Corps on the beaches of sunny southern California.
Since then, the price of Sailor has gone up significantly, and I watched it happen right before my very eyes. Tattoos have become far more commonplace lately. They aren't just reserved for thugs, foreigners, and the military any longer. More unfortunate, however, is the fact that the American Traditional Style has been Shanghai'd by the loathsome American hipster. How does all of this connect? Sailor Jerry is not just the name of a superior rum, it is also the common moniker of Norman Collins. Collins was one of the pioneers of the American traditional style of tattooing, which he helped revolutionize by developing his own pigments and signature styles. The jump in popularity of Sailor Jerry, while well deserved, was in large part driven by hipsters. While still a moderately priced rum, the jump in price was unfortunate to watch happen. "Where in hell is all of this going though?" In my often repeated quest to refill my liquor cabinet, I was forced to endure a rant by an already drunk fellow veteran.
As I shopped around the liquor store racking my brain trying to ensure that my refrigerator and cabinet would be well stocked when I returned home, a man entered whom I'm sure was already well ahead of me in the drunk race. He picked up his case of Coors Light and immediately began complaining about having his disability claim denied once more by the Department of Veteran's Affairs. The man bitched as if it were an art form, something which Marines, Soldiers, Sailors, and Airmen are adept at.
The reasons for being denied ranged from being white, to not being an illegal immigrant. I must say, as ignorant as his claims are I do understand his frustrations with the VA, and their awful bureaucratic process. It's enough to make you want to flatten your hog with a hot iron. His claim may be entirely legitimate, but his frustrations are misdirected indeed. The VA doesn't give a shit about your race, and contrary to the beliefs of some, the federal government doesn't set aside any money specifically for illegal aliens living in the United States.
Just to ensure that I stereotype as much as possible though, I'm sure this man deployed to Iraq in the early 90's during Desert Storm to live out a true to life version of the movie "Jarhead," only he saw no combat, and the woman that cheated on him was his wife, who became severely overweight after pumping out two kids in order to ensure maximum benefits once the divorce finalized. Because of this, such a man cannot be content only to rant to the strangers occupying a rural liquor store in Arkansas about the evils of the VA, and the disgusting liberals who empower their ways. This man had a message for all to hear. "This Country needs a revolution!" he proclaims. "We need to take up arms and start killing these people off!" This is a man who means business. He not only an advocates for the killing of vermin such as illegal immigrants, but useless politicians as well.
I couldn't help myself any longer, I started to chuckle not so quietly as I stared into to beer cooler. The man's rage then immediately found a real target. He turned to see some long haired, bearded freak clutching a bottle of hipster rum, and laughing openly at him while staring at locally brewed craft beer of all things. At this point, believing he had just discovered the leader of the local antifa movement, the man focused his angered upon me. "Your generation is responsible for this! Y'all just want everything handed to you without having to work for it!" Fuck, he's not wrong.
I'd better defuse this situation though. My minor stays in various county detention facilities throughout this great nation have been enough to let me know that I would not enjoy an extended stay in a maximum security penal facility. I reach into my wallet and produce my VA card to let the gentleman know that I understand his struggle. I explained my own frustrations which the VA had caused me over the last few years, but also tried to explain that he should redirect and refocus himself in order to make a positive change.
His anger seemed to wane momentarily as he decided how best to approach the situation. "Well, you oughta be ashamed of yourself." As I suspected, my time of military service was at the wrong time. Having served under Obama should barely make one deserving of a free meal on Veteran's day at your local Applebee's. Add this to the fact that I disagreed with the man's rather extreme political opinions, and I might as well be one of the Sikh men whom he'd love to physically assault in confusion of an Islamic extremist. Towel heads man.
At this point, being slightly confused, and beginning to feel the effects of sobriety, the man purchased his beer, and retreated from the store. I'm sure his radio was tuned into a conservative talk show, which he called to expound upon the leftist cuck he had just shut down in the local liquor store. This thorn has really stuck in my side in the days since this event, and as I sit here consuming the Sailor Jerry which brought about this confrontation, I can't help but to think back upon it and become saddened.
Is this the kind of feeling that Hunter S. Thompson felt and wrote about when he spoke of the "high-water mark" left upon San Francisco? Maybe I put too much into that quote, it may not be as profound as I believe it to be. Perhaps I put too much into a man who perpetually contemplated suicide and consumed far too many drugs. I just can't help but to let the political and personal divides this country seems to be facing get to me.
The left and right wing belief systems are moving further apart, dragging their followers along for the wild ride. Those who have traditionally fallen more in the middle politically are being forced to choose between more extreme candidates. This last election was between "the lesser of two evils" for most, and many chose not to participate at all. I was one of the ones who felt this way, as a matter of fact. Well, that's it for tonight.
Writing is a real bitch. I imagine my readers are more than tired of hearing me complain at this point, but that's fine. Start your own damn blog if that's how you really feel. I have been having one hell of a time trying to force myself into writing over the last few days. As I have already expressed, I feel fraudulent trying to write about anything other than sports, or beer. I don't even actually feel all that confident writing about those things. My opinions don't seem as nuanced as the people who write for mainstream media outlets, or even local newspapers. I do enjoy writing in the first person "gonzo" style, although I would not classify this as journalism by any means.
Rather, I am just a run-of-the-mill guy whom someone decided to give a voice to. My voice may not be as profound and wide reaching as a Neil DeGrasse Tyson, or as funny and insightful as a Joe Rogan, but perhaps someone will read my carefully crafted writing and decide to look at something from a different point of view. I enjoy writing these little pieces, despite not quite knowing what to say, or how to say it, more often than not. The country I love so much is greatly divided on more issues than ever lately, but if I can at least bring my friends, family, and a couple of people whom I have never met together, then I will have accomplished something.
I am sure I will offend someone on more than a few occasions. I try to joke, and keep things light. I am a firm believer that there should be no subject too taboo to talk, or joke about. Jokes are sometimes inappropriate, in bad taste, or just poorly thought out. This should not, however, stop people from making them. I hear a few Americans say sometimes that Canada is a better country than us, and enjoys more freedoms than us, but they are usually unaware that free speech is not protected in Canada as it is in the United States. There have been occasions where comedians and average Canadian citizens have lost court cases in which they have simply offended someone.
Every once in a while, people are able to show their ignorance off and put it on full display in the U.S. by marching with various hate groups, advocating for genocide of every race but their own, or bringing up some long denounced and ignored facet of their religious beliefs. While these things are unfortunate, someone such as myself, an average guy with no political, religious, or monetary backers can log into a blog and post whatever kind of bullshit I feel like. The best part though, is that I can do so without fear of repercussions by some ass-backward government. I'm not going to have my hands bound, and be beheaded under full authority of any government, or religious organizations. The last thing anyone would see of me is someone holding my lifeless head up with a stupid look on my face; tongue rolling out my mouth like some slobbering Mississippi mongoloid. I don't want that, and no one else wants to see it either. I'm unfortunate looking enough already.
On the day that I have written the last 2 paragraphs of this particular post, the world is one day past yet another heinous act of terrorism committed against the western world. I wish I had answers for how we can permanently stamp out the disgusting ideals, and cowardly individuals responsible for such acts. Sadly, I do not. All that I can say is do not let acts such as these poison your view of the world, and the people in it. I understand that this is far easier said than done, as I too become disenchanted with humanity far more than I would like to admit.
Continue to give your fellow man the benefit of the doubt when possible. Don't allow yourself to hate based upon things such as skin color, religion, birth country, or other such factors. On the flip side of the coin though, we cannot simply allow these problems to continue without urging action by all, and thinking critically about some of the ideals others may hold. Don't be so quick to cry racist, or Islamaphobic. Islamaphobia is such a dumbass idea. Just because someone is skeptical of a particular religion, or culture, does not mean there is a phobia the skeptic suffers from. There are some particularly nasty messages within the Quran. In order to appease all, don't get used to it, I recognize that most major religions have some passages within their scripture which condone terrible acts, and horrid ideals. They are, after all, written and edited by people.
The liberal left in this country absolutely needs to chill the fuck out on their fair share of issues just the same as the conservative right. The sooner everyone can pull their heads out of their asses and have a discussion without spewing the shit which has filled their heads while being housed snugly in their rectum, the sooner we can have adult conversations, begin to fix the problems affecting this nation, and the world abroad. The strangulation of free speech by some far left wing individuals and organizations is a very disturbing trend, which is a push back against perceived fascism taking hold in some far right aspects of America. Free speech must be not only allowed, but fought for and protected at all costs.
Having safe spaces to insulate you from ideas which you disagree with, whether the ideas are racist, sexist, homophobic, hateful, or are just perceived as such, is a dangerous, and slippery slope. The world does not work that way. One cannot separate oneself from ideas and still function in society. The only way this can be accomplished is to lock yourself up in a secure room and stay there until dehydration overtakes you. This may be best for some people, but not the majority. I for one would actually love for people to be able to keep spewing garbage from their sucks solely for the fact that I can then know their true thoughts.
I don't want to associate with people who hate because of race, religion, creed, color, sex, or sexual preference. Allowing such people to voice their shit opinions lets me remove myself from them. In the age of social media, the world at large can become aware of what a miserable cunt they are and react accordingly. They may not actually hold those ideals though. The cunt could be some no callous on the palm, pasty white, hipster facial hair, 789 gender, don't fight back, tell a teacher in the event of extreme bullying pansy who decides that this person is a fascist hate monger for sharing different, possibly ignorant, ideals than they do. I want to know in cases such as this, so that I can give the poor misunderstood bastard a chance.
The right needs to realize that some social welfare programs are not only a good thing, but are a necessity in many cases. Repairing this nation's social security program, and bolstering the basic healthcare of Americans is not just a good thing for the quality of the nation, but it's the fucking humane thing to do. Should there be an overhaul in the way some things are administered? Hell yes. Should we abandon social welfare all together? Hell no. I am by no means advocating for abandoning capitalism, and embracing a completely socialist, or god forbid, communist state. I am nationalistic, maybe more so than I should be sometimes, and I believe in the old saying "Better dead than red."
Communism is responsible for some of the worst atrocities and genocides the world has ever seen. I served in the military, and love my brothers and sisters in arms, but the overspending on bullshit should be reigned in as well. The F-35 jet is one of the best examples of this kind of crap. The project will have cost around 1.5 trillion dollars by the time the project is completed, and it is still flawed. I want our military to have the best equipment available to them, so that they can rain down healthy doses of freedom when the time comes, but I would rather this not be an excuse to line the pockets of some congressman's family member, or friend.
Finally for my more conservative readers, quit stepping on everyone's dicks. It is past time in this country that people can exercise personal beliefs that conflict with your moral opinion. Let my friend Lanie get high with her girlfriend if she wants to. If someone wants to commit deviant sex acts with other consenting adults in their own home, allow it. Stop standing in the way of people getting their freak on. Ted Cruz once defended a law in Texas which would have essentially criminalized the sale of dildos, and that douche was a serious presidential candidate. Our actual president has shaved Vince McfuckingMahon's head, and got fake assaulted by Stone Cold Steve Austin. Fuck!!!
If you made it this far, you deserve a beer. I'd buy you one, but that ain't happening. I know this has been a particularly long post, which has caused you to become so irate at some point that you screamed to the point of passing out, woke up, physically assaulted your genitals, cried, and continued to read by some miracle. We need to open up to the other side more though. The current path is one which we cannot continue upon as a nation.
I don't want my friends to disassociate themselves from me because we disagree on some things, whether personal or political. I want the country I love to continue forward eventually thriving and improving. Corporate interests should not dictate policy, and sway science in the name of capitalistic gain. Feelings and emotions need to be held in check just as much as religious influence of all kinds should be limited. I understand that the things I've bitched about here are looked at simply, and these issues and others plaguing our nation are far more nuanced than the way I present them. Or are they? This is a start though. This post is meant to get people laughing and talking. I'll accept credit for world peace if this article brings it about, although I do not expect it to.
Editors Note: This photo is a Creative Commons licensed photo from Flickr
