Failure is one of the most fundamental fears we carry. In a society that puts so much emphasis on being successful, we can often feel crushed and depressed when we fail to meet expectations.

But what we often forget is that the two are not polar opposites. Success, more often than not, is a consequence of failure. Understanding this, we should know that failure is natural and inevitable. What’s more, we should fully embrace it because failure can be good for you.

Here’s why.

Reassess Goals

Failure forces you to reassess what you want in life, as well as what is achievable. If you feel like you haven’t made any headway on a grand goal, that’s very likely because what you’re expecting is not achievable in the way you’re approaching it.

This can help us change our approach, as per Edison’s suggestion, it is not that you have failed to create the light bulb but you have discovered ways not to create the light bulb.

There are two things you need to consider when it comes to your goals. The first is to identify what is in your control, and what is not.

Say, you want to win an Oscar.

What is not in your control – a production company submits your performance for consideration, members of the academy sponsor your nomination, and then the entire Academy votes for the winner. You can’t control any of that, so winning an Oscar is not in your control.

A goal would be to give the best performance possible. Are there techniques you can use, things you can learn, a resonating role you can play? Over these things, you can have more control and by giving the best performance possible, you increase your chance of winning the Oscar.

Another thing you need to consider is breaking your aim down into actionable and progressive goals. A common method to use is SMART – Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Resonant and Time-Limited. If you use this technique to define your goals and have the discipline to stick to the challenges you set yourself, you’ll find success, or learn something new.

Start Afresh

One of the most significant things failures can give you is perspective. Because once you stop trying, you can see things differently from an outsider’s point of view, and that is when you can start to see what has really been happening.

The most important thing to do is to then take the opportunity for change. In the immediate term, this means simply changing your context. Leave your desk and go for a walk, have a coffee, or watch funny cat videos on YouTube. Give yourself time and distance to depersonalize the failure.

Then, address it from a new perspective.

What’s more, when you re-examine your goals you may discover they are no longer what you really want. Failure can set you free, and allow you to pursue new things.

Like Stephen R. Covey said: “If the ladder isn’t leaning against the right wall, every step just gets you to the wrong place faster.”

Stay Positive

Most of the time, you might have said or heard other people say “I’m a failure” – this is not possible. So put it out of your mind.

The greatest danger for our fear of failure is that it encourages us to internalize failure as a quality we possess, rather than as an outcome of an attempted action. It is crucial when dealing with failure to keep a positive mindset.

To do this, take sixty seconds to write down things you are grateful for right now. Start from general gratitude to appreciation for health, a loved one, nice weather, and get more specific as you go along.

Another tactic is to contrast a failure with successes – put your focus on what you’ve done right today and 99% of the time, you’ll see that even if you made an error, you did most of the things correctly.

Another thing to do is to remove the stakes from the situation. “Will I die as a result of this failure?” The answer is almost certainly no, but the thing is we don’t always realize that.

Redefining Failure

A lot of what we’ve covered has been about reframing perceptions of failure and reframing goals to make them achievable.

If you are doing a fitness plan, every workout you do on is a success. You transform your body through making successes every single day. Each step on a journey is a success, but we view success only as the destination.

By looking at success and failure in a different way, we can really help to remove the fear around failing. In most cases, this fear stems from us not being in our comfort zone.

Yet, being outside our comfort zone is essential to success. Success never feels comfortable – it requires risk and daring. The courage to attempt – that is the success. The outcome should be meaningless by comparison.

The outcome may or may not matter in the long term, but the discipline, courage, and strength taken from the attempt are invaluable tools for any successes in the future.

Take it from David Bowie, “Always go a little further into the water than you feel you’re capable of being in. Go a little bit out of your depth, and when you don’t feel your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting.”

Gentle reminder: The information on this article is not meant to replace a qualified healthcare professional and should not be considered as professional advise. Please seek appropriate medical help when necessary.