There is a common mistake that I see made regularly on LJ, so I'd like to take some time out to post a small lesson in the Hope that people will take it to heart. When you're posting on the Intraweb, people will judge you by your ability to spell and punctuate correctly.

Don't bitch about it. Just accept it as truth and deal with it.

It involves two simple words that a disturbing number of people tend to swap around like toddlers at Gary Glitter's house.

The words in question are "lose" and "loose".

These words are called "homonyms". This is because people will call you a fag and laugh at you if you misuse them.

The only gay person I know that reads this journal is my friend Jeremy. He's had a classical education so he already knows how to spell properly. Don't out-fag the faggots, people.

Let's test your ability by presenting you with a couple of multiple choice questions. Fill in the blanks:

Question 1

"My name is Billy and I'm seven years old. My uncle, Gary Glitter, has just invited me to his house-warming party. I hope he doesn't think I'm ________ ".

A: Lose
B: Loose
C: Angry at him for gatecrashing my slumber-party

Answer: B.

Question 2

"My name is Mike and I'm an F.B.I Agent. I've just been monitoring Gary's party thanks to the hidden microphone I placed on Billy. I think I'm gonna _______ my lunch".

A: Lose
B: Loose
C: Stop surfing kiddy-porn when I really should be eating

Answer: A

Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with your internet connection. That temporary slowdown was the F.B.I. adding you to their database for reading a page which includes the words "kiddy-porn". Sucks to be you.

So there you have it - simple huh?

The word "loose" should only be used when referring to something that is somewhat messy and no longer tight, like Billy for instance.

"Lose" on the other hand, should only be used when referring to something you've lost, like your memory of third-grade which is where people should have learned the fucking difference in the first place. I guess they shouldn't have been wearing walkmans and listening to Gary Glitter that day.

Stay tuned people. Next week we'll be putting "to" and "too" together.

SD
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