I'’ve never found the messages in fortune cookies to be very compelling nor particularly prophetic for that matter. More often than not they convey nebulous predictions and archaic maxims devoid of any real meaning. I'm of the belief that such messages would be far more entertaining if they were presented with a bit more imagination.

"“You'’re going to be hungry again in an hour"”

"Congratulations, cigarettes won"’t kill you! You'’re cancer will be pancreatic"”

"“A bird in the hand can'’t crap on your shoulder"”

"Your mother loves your sister best"”

"“You will receive very good news today...Not really"

"“Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow is the Rapture"”

"“You'’re ugly"

"“You can lead a man to water but he asked for beer you idiot"

"Take your time eating, there's no sense in walking into a home invasion is there?"”

"“You really didn'’t need that fourth trip to the buffet table, sparky"”