Speaking from his vacation home in Crawford Texas, President George W. Bush said today that evidence that the terror plot to blow up American airplanes came from British citizens has left him no choice but to invade the island country. “Britain must understand, that if you harbor terrorists you will face consequences,” said Bush while clearing mesquite from a drainage ditch, “as I have often said, you are either with us or against us.”

“Understand, this is not a decision I made with any relish, Tony Blair is a friend of mind, just the other day we had a nice chat over some dinner rolls, I like the guy,” said President Bush. “But if you allow your country to become the home base for terror cells bent on harming our citizens or property, America has no choice but to act! I am requesting that Tony Blair, Parliament as well as Queen Elizabeth and her family all resign and turn themselves over to UN authorities by this weekend. Operation Revolution 2 will begin at a time of choosing not long after. As for all you tea sipping terrorists over there, let me tell you, Don Rumsfeld drew up these plans himself, so get ready for London to be looking a lot like Baghdad in a couple of months!”

“Britain and America have always had a complicated relationship,” said President Bush, “our founding fathers had to smack their hoity-toity redcoat generals around a bit for this country to get it’s start. And today, since Britain doesn’t seem to care that a bunch of their own citizens want to destroy our country's great experiment in democracy, I guess we’ll have to teach those crumpet chomping elites another lesson! Better get your fabled bomb shelters cleared out and ready for business again Londoners, you know what I’m saying?”

“I think this time I can safely say that Britain is in possession of weapons of mass destruction, we just don’t have the time for our usual half-hearted State Department diplomacy," said the President as he patched a barbed-wire fence. "What if these weapons fall into the terrorists' hands? We must act quickly and decisively if we are to reduce most of that historic country to rubble and inflict the highest number of casualties to innocent civilians caught in the crossfire. And don’t think images of folks with fancy english accents crawling out of the what’s left of their flats is going to weaken our resolve. You Englishmen let these terrorist infiltrate your pubs and betting parlors, what did you expect to happen? Besides, we are currently working on passing legislation for changing the name of our native language here in the US from ‘English’ to ‘Freedomish’.”