Francis, the cat, is in his backyard, sleeping.
Rosa, the rat, Raul´s mate comes along.
Rosa (a bit frightened): Mr. Cat?
Cat: No Mr. Cat here, sorry. Store´s closed. Please come back next week.
Rosa (yelling/getting mad): Mr. Cat!
Cat: Jeez… Keep it down, will you?
Rosa: Cat!
Cat: Francis! My name is Francis.
Francis gets up which causes Rosa to back away fearfully.
He turns his back to her and lays back down.
Rosa: Mr. Francis!
Francis sys in annoyance and raises his head so he can look at her.
Cat: can I help you with something?
Rosa: You ate him, didn´t you?
Cat: Ate who?
Rosa: Raul!
Cat: Are you crazy?
Rosa: I beg your pardon?
Cat: No need to beg. All´s forgiven.
Francis lies back down, hoping the female rat will leave.
Rosa: I´m on to you pussycat! Where´s my Raul?
Cat: How the heck should I know?
Rosa starts to tear up.
Francis panics.
Cat: Oh, I´m sorry, please don´t cry…
Rosa: You ate him. I know you did.
Cat: Oh god! How many times do I have to say this? A: I don´t eat meat; B: Raul´s my friend.
Rosa: If you didn´t eat him, then where the hell is he?
Cat: how the heck should I know?
Rosa: he didn´t come home last night.
Cat: and that´s my fault because…?
Rosa: Ever since he met you…
Cat: wow lady! Hold on. I have nothing to do with your husband´s disappearance.
Rosa (hopeful): You don´t?
Cat: No.
Rosa: Then where the hell is that S.O.B.?
Cat: S. O. what?
Rosa: son of a b…
Cat (interrupts): hey lady! Language!
Rosa (dumbstruck): Really?
Cat: yes! Children!
Rosa: What children? Are you high?
Cat: Maybe, I don´t know…
Rosa: You really are a weird cat.
Cat: Sorry.
Rosa: well, this was wasteful.
Rosa starts to walk away.
Rosa (cont.): Francis?
Cat: yes Rosa?
Rosa: If you find him, please tell him to come home.
Cat: I will.
Rosa (mumbling): So I can kill him myself.
Francis peaks around the corner to make sure Rosa has really left.
He sys in relief.
Francis goes back to where he was laying down before.
There, behind a vase, lies Rafael and Raul. They are both splashed on the floor drunken off their butts.
Cat: Hey, Raul!
Raul (very drunk): hey pussycat… (hiccup)…
Cat: You need to get home. Like a.s.a.p.
Raul: why?
Cat: Rosa was just here.
Raul gets up in a hurry albeit a bit wobbly.
Raul (scared): Here? Like here, here?
Cat: yes.
Raul: what did you tell her?
Cat: That I hadn´t seen you.
Raul (relieved): Oh thank god!
Rafael (drunk/mocking): Ha! Ha! Ha! She´s going to kill you! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Luna: There you are!
Rafael: Oh crap!
Luna: I´ve been worried sick about you, thinking you might have been eaten! And instead, I find you here, drunken off your ass with this flea bag.
Cat (to Raul): Flea bag? Is that me or you?
Raul: I don´t know.
Luna: Hey!
Both Raul and Francis shut the hell up.
Rafael: Honey…
Lune gives him a death glare.
Cat: on the bright side, he didn´t get eaten.
Luna: He might as well should have!
Rafael: hey!
She smacks him.
Luna: Hey my butt! Let’s go!
She drags him off and they fly away.
Rafael is still a little intoxicated so he flies a bit sideways. He nearly bumps into a tree.
Francis starts to laugh. Raul joins him.
Cat/Raul: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Rosa: I knew it!
Cat/Raul: Ah balls!
Rosa: Raul!
Cat: Hey Rosa! Good news, I found him.
Rosa: You found him where? And when?
Cat: Here. Just now.
Rosa: what?
Raul: yes. You see, I was looking for food and these two…
Cat (interrupts): Three.
Raul: yes three, cats started chasing me and I had to go up a tree and then Rafael showed up and he called Francis and here I am, safe and sound.
Rosa (doubtful): Really?
Raul/Cat: Yes!
She nears them.
They back away fearfully.
Rosa: Then why do you two reek of alcohol?
Cat: It was to distract the cats.
Rosa: what?
Cat: to confused them.
Rosa: okay…
Rosa sys and shakes her head.
Rosa: Raul, let’s just go home.
Raul: yes dear.
Cat: Goodbye Raul and it was a pleasure meeting you Rosa.
Rosa: yes, goodbye feline.
She leaves and Raul chases after her.
Francis turns and starts to walk home.
As he reaches his backdoor, he lies down to rest.
Cat: finally, silence.
Amelia: Francis!
Cat (annoyed): ah crap…
The end.
2017_Joana Teixeira
