Francis, the cat, enters his house.

As soon as he reaches the kitchen, he spots the Pen.

He grins defiantly and stealthily approaches it.

One foot in front of the other, very slowly.

As he´s about to pounce on the Pen…

Pen: Hey fur ball…
Cat (annoyed): Ah crap!
Pen: what “ya” doing?

Cat: Nothing.
Pen (smiling): did you really think you could pounce on me?

Cat: who says I was going to pounce on you?
Pen: It´s three o´clock in the afternoon. Why were you tipped toeing?
Cat (looks to the side, avoiding the question): No reason…

Pen: Liar!
Cat: if you must know, I had my nails clipped. Hence my…
Pen (interrupting): Big fat liar!

Cat: I´m not a liar.
Pen: No, just fat!
Cat: I´m not fat, I´m fluffy.

Pen: And delusional.
Cat: what the heck does that even mean?
Pen: It means you have a hard time perceiving reality and make up your own.

Cat: My own what?
Pen: sometimes I wonder…
Cat: wonder what?

Pen: If you born this stupid, or if you were dropped on your head as a baby.
Cat: Were you always this nice?
Pen: yes…
Cat: You were the one who was dropped on its head.

Pen: I don´t have a head.
Cat: No, just a dammed soul.
Pen: Crazy cat….

Cat (interrupting): La, la, la…
Pen: Francis, just…
Cat: la, la, la…

Pen: why you…
Cat: Ha, Ha, Ha.
Pen: Cat from hell!

The cat grins like crazy.

Pen (irritated): stop grinning!
Cat: hey, I just realized something…
Pen: you´re a crazy drunkard cat?

Cat (ignoring the insult): If I cover my ears, I don´t have to listen to you.
Pen: were you always this insightful?
Cat: of course, why do you ask?

Pen: you don´t know what insightful means, do you?
Cat: sure I do.
Pen: Then? What does it mean?

Cat: I´m not going to tell you?
Pen: why the heck not?
Cat: Because it’s a secret.
Pen: Newsflash pussycat! It´s out.

Cat: what is?
Pen: the amazing level of stupid you can reach.
Cat: you´re just jealous.
Pen: Ha! Jealous of what?

Cat: Of how truly amazing and awesome I really am.
Pen: You haven´t answered my question.
Cat: what question?
Pen: That I asked you.

Cat: I don´t remember you asking me anything. You need to get checked out. You might be going “la, la crazy”!

Pen: stupid fur ball, you´re the one who´s crazy.
Cat: careful Pen, you´re not getting any younger either.
Pen: Hellish cat, what the heck did you drink this time?

Cat: Nothing…
Pen: Francis?
Cat: Okay, okay. I´ll tell you.

Pen: tell me what?
Cat: what you wanted me to tell you.

The Pen “rolls its eyes”, and stomps away, bitching.

Pen: Oh good God!
Cat: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Pen: get some sleep, you crazy cat.
Cat: Ha! Ha! Ha!

The end!

2017_joana Teixeira