Francis the cat is dead asleep when the Pen comes along.

Pen: Francis, wake up!
Cat (slurring): No…
Pen: wake up you lazy cat!

Cat: why?
Pen: because it´s time for our weekly sketch!
Cat: our what?

Pen: you know, our weekly bit, episode, moment, agh! Whatever! Wake up!
Cat: Don´t know don´t care!
Pen: Really?
Cat: yes, really. Now go away!

Pen: But… are you going to leave me alone to do this?
Cat: do what?
Pen: Our weekly stint!
Cat: You need to lay off the booze!

Pen: You´re the only one here that likes booze!
Cat: I don´t like booze. I like magic milk.
Pen: Why do you think it’s called magic milk?
Cat: `cause it’s tasty and wonderful and please just go away!

Pen: I can´t do that.
Cat: why the hell not?
Pen: I told you, our weekly…
Cat (interrupting): stink or whatever!

Pen: No…
Cat: I don´t remember signing up to be a part of any sketch or stint or anything.
Pen: well, it’s been going on for a while now.
Cat: say what now?

Pen: yeah, you see; the two of us are a part of a series in which I mock you and people laugh at you.
Cat:  why haven´t I been told about this before?
Pen: about what?
Cat: If I´m being mocked for someone else´s entertainment I should be getting paid.

Pen: You mean you´re not getting paid?
Cat (gets up): No! Are you?
Pen (smiling): No.
Cat: Then why are you smiling you idiot?

Pen: To be completely honest, I love mocking you so much, I´d pay to do it.
Cat: You´re demented.
Pen: Francis, we´ve discussed this before.
Cat: discussed what?
Pen (grinning): You´re the demented one.

Cat: I´m going to report this to the authorities.
Pen: What authorities?
Cat: The police for starters.
Pen: You´re going to go up to them and say what? “Miau, Miau, Miau!”

Cat: I hate you!
Pen: No you don´t. You keep saying that but I know that deep down inside you love me.
Cat: No I don´t!
Pen: yeah, you do. You adore me.

Cat: Please go away!
Pen: I can´t do that.
Cat: why?
Pen: Because…

Cat: Our weekly yadda, yadda, yadda!
Pen: You´re such a party pooper!
Cat: I don´t poop at parties!

Pen:  Umm…
Cat: Anyways, what was this talk about an audience?
Pen: What audience?
Cat: You said, and I quote: “the two of us are a part of a series in which I mock you and people laugh at you.”

Pen: Oh yeah, that.
Cat: so?
Pen: so what?
Cat: what was that about?

Pen: Nothing.
Cat: It was not nothing! You said…
Pen: I know what I said. I was just trying to get you to get up and talk to me.
Cat: Then why would you say we had an audience.

Pen: You´re such a diva, I figured you´d be up in moment if you thought you had an audience following your every move.

Cat: so, you lied to me?
Pen: yes… maybe, who knows?
Cat: which is it?

Pen: It can be yes, no, maybe… Ha! Ha! Ha!
Cat: You enjoy this way too much.
Pen: No, I enjoy it just enough.

Cat: yeah, and I´m the demented one.
Pen: You said it, not me.
Cat: I said what?
Pen: You just said you´re demented.

Cat: I said no such thing.
Pen: Yeah, you did. I heard you.
Cat: I just repeated what you said earlier.
Pen: and what did I say?

Cat: That I´m demented.
Pen: I agree! You are demented!
Cat: I hate you!

Pen: Yes, I know.
Cat: Know what?
Pen: every time you say you hate me, what you really mean to say is you love me.
Cat: Where the heck did you get that idea from?

Pen: You!
Cat: I never said such nonsense!
Pen: Bye Francis!

The Pen “glides” away.

Cat: Get back here you Pen from hell!

The Pen disappears.

Cat (cont.): series? What series? Maybe that stupid stick is right; I need to lay off the booze!

The end!

2017_Joana Teixeira