Francis, the cat, is by his kitchen window, basking in the afternoon sunlight.

He´s resting after having spent the morning doing absolutely nothing.

A Pen comes along.

Francis feels a presence nearing him.

Cat: what do you want?
Pen (girly voice): I´m sorry Mr. Cat, could you please help me?
Cat (turns around, curious): Pen from hell, did you catch a cold or something?

Francis finds a bright orange pen with sparkly pink ink.

Cat (bursts out laughing): Ha! Ha! Ha! Well, hello there Candy! Nice to see you again.
Pen (angry): who the hell is Candy? And where are your manners you stupid mutt?

Cat (ignoring the insults): now that you mention it, you do look a little different than usual.
Pen (interested): what do you mean?
Cat: you´re usually blue with blue ink, except for that one time that…

Pen (interrupting): So you have seen it?
Cat: seen what?
Pen: My darling.
Cat: Your what?

Pen: My love. You see we were separated but I was finally able to find it and now we can live happily ever after, together.

Cat (talking to itself): what the hell did I drink this time?
Pen (annoyed): Hey! Are you always this rude?
Cat: I´m not rude. What do you want anyways?

Pen: I told you, to find my darling.
Cat: You mean the Pen.
Pen: yes.
Cat: And you´re a Pen.

Pen: What´s your point?
Cat: Oh for heaven´s sake!

Looks at the Pen.

“It” is looking at him, expectantly.

Cat: what exactly do you want with it, him or it? Ah… I don´t know, the boy Pen.
Pen (confused) Boy Pen?
Cat: yes boy. Aren´t you a girl pen?
Pen: No.

Cat: Then what the hell are you?
Pen: Androgynous.
Cat: Great, another alien.

Pen: Mr. Cat, are you going to help me or not?
Cat: And just how do you propose I do that?
Pen: Have you seen my beloved?

Cat: I know a Pen, but I don´t know if the Pen I know is the one you´re looking for.
Pen: What´s it like?
Cat:  Crazy, mean and obnoxious. Mocks me relentlessly.

Pen: Yes, yes, that it. That´s my love.
Cat (doubtful): seriously?
Pen: yes.

Francis rolls his eyes.

Cat: well, he, she, it or whatever, is not here right now.  If you´d like to leave a message I´ll relay it as soon as possible.

Pen: You will? Oh thank you Mr. Cat!
Cat: By the way, I know I´m going to regret this, but, do you have a name?
Pen: Oh why yes, but of course.
Cat: what is it?

Pen: Pen.
Cat: I knew it. Still asked.

Sighs

Cat: okay Pen, I´ll let it, him, it… whatever know you were here looking for it.
Pen: Thank you so much Mr. Cat.
Cat: It´s Francis.
Pen: what is?

Cat: My name.
Pen: Oh okay. Thank you Mr. Francis.
Cat: yeah, goodbye.
Pen: Goodbye.

Francis turns away to leave but doubles back.

Cat: By the way…

The Pen is gone.

Cat: where did it go?

Looks around.

Nothing.

Cat: guess she left… he left? It? Hugh… who cares…

Pen: you know, some experts say talking to yourself as much as you do may be an early sign of dementia.

Cat (smiling): Oh hello.
Pen: Did you hear what I just said pussy cat?
Cat (ignoring the question): Nice to see you.
Pen: what? Since when?

Francis nears the Pen, smiling defiantly.

Cat: I guess you just missed her, it, she, whatever. Don´t you freakish pens have genders?
Pen: It´s called…
Cat (interrupting): androg… something or other.

Pen: androgynous.
Cat: yes, alien, thank you.
Pen: You really are stupid aren´t… (notices the smile) why are you smiling?
Cat: Because I just met your girlfriend, or is it boyfriend?

Pen: You need to lay off the booze. You´re getting crazier by the day.
Cat: anyways, I met your fiancée.
Pen: you met who now?

Cat: your fiancée.
Pen:  I don´t … (smile fades) oh good mother of God!
Cat: Ha!

The Pen starts looking around in every direction.

Pen (panicking): where? Here? NO! It’s not possible! Maybe you just hallucinated. Yeah that´s it. Just an illusion.

Cat: Pen?
Pen: yeah, you´re crazy, so you imagined it! It has to be that. Please tell me that´s what it was…
Cat: Hey!

Pen: where is it?
Cat: I don´t know. It was here and then it was gone.
Pen: Oh God!

Cat: what is it?
Pen: you know that special kind of crazy?
Cat: what kind of crazy?
Pen: the kind that belongs in a mental institution!

Francis breaks out laughing.

Cat: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Pen: Please stop laughing. This isn´t funny.
Cat: Oh I´m finding it hilarious.
Pen: I swear to you Francis. That Pen is wacked.

Cat: Like you´re wacked?
Pen: Francis, please help me!

The cat stops laughing.

Cat: you´re really afraid of this Pen aren´t you?
Pen: yes. Trust me; this Pen is crazier than any other crazy you could have ever met.
Cat: what did it do to you?

The Pen looks at Francis but remains silent.

Pen (orange and Pink): Oh darling. Ha! I found you!
Pen: Crap!

To be continued…

2017_Joana Teixeira