Yes, I hear my Car Alarm going off. Of course I hear it, how could I not? Do you think yelling about it is going to fix anything? Well it’s not.

No, it’s not a piece of junk. Yes, it was manufactured over thirty years ago, but that just means it’s a classic. I don’t care what the dealer said about the resale value, if a carjacker stole it and just spent a few thousand dollars in repairs on it, the thing would be worth a lot of money.

Did you ever stop to think why I might be unable to Turn the alarm off right now? Maybe I was taking a shower. Maybe I was performing the Heimlich maneuver on a man having a stroke. Or maybe I was cooking for a bake sale I organized in order to save a struggling inner city community center for troubled youths. You’d feel pretty stupid complaining about something so trivial as a loud noise that’s been going off for half an hour, wouldn’t you?

Okay, so it was actually none of those things. I was just watching reruns of The Proposal in my boxers, and I couldn’t find the pants I wore earlier today. Happy? No, of course you’re not, because an unpleasant noise is going off. Well I don’t like it either. For one thing I can’t hear the TV. And no, I’m not going to just put on a clean pair of pants that I’ll only wear for like five minutes. Do you know how much they charge to use the washing machines in this building?

Look, the manual said I could turn it off remotely. I just need to find new batteries for this thing. It takes AAA ones. I have at least one of those lying around somewhere. Now unless you just want to complain, maybe you could check your place for any spare batteries, assuming you want to actually help turn it off. Otherwise you should probably… hey, why are you carrying that baseball bat? Wait, come back here! No! Stop!

The post I’m Sorry, I Can’t Turn Off My Car Alarm Right Now. Just Know I Would If I Could appeared first on Robot Butt.