CHAPTER 1 EARTH.
>The age be 20.
>I love farquadd sooo much faquuad is love faquuad is life
> I live in a apartment it has a bathroom living room kitchen and bedroom
>i turned the bedroom to a farquuad temple
> i pray to him every night
> it was one summer evening and it was raining pretty badly so i watch all the faquuad parts in Shrek and make fun of that fucking disgrace of an ogre
>the next day i was woken up by a loud noise i go out on my balcony and look i was mortified by what i saw
> it was Shrek coming down like a meteorite
> i go down to the parking lot seems that everybody else had the same idea because it was a screaming mess
> i got to my chopper motorcycle and got out of there everybody was screaming in horror
>i kept on going
>i got to the city and i took a few turns in the ally’s and to my horror Shrek was after me
> Shrek yelled ITS ALL OGRE FOR YOU LAD
> i knew faquuad would shield me
> i got my phone out and searched on how to get away from Shrek and it kept coming up with this stupid prophesy
> it read on thy day of the shrekoning you shall be brought to the dark swamp there
>you shall eat all 8 layers of the dank onions and thy shall be brought back if you fail to do so you shall get shrekt and be brought to the Hell swamp there if you convert to Shrek you must make way to the farqueer temple of Shrek and you shall take a bite out of the Shrek layers then you shall be saved if you consume any false onions you will suffer dire consequences
>i had no idea what to do from there
> i got to the country i thought i lost him
> i approached a hill i ramped off it in midair
> i felt the most painful experience ever Shrek punched me out of the air
> when i hit the ground i was in pain Shrek midair shrekt me and it went dark
CHAPTER 2 THE DARK SWAMP.
>When i woke up i was in a swamp but not the one Shrek lives oh no this is the dark swamp
>it was foggy and depressing like slenderman forest
> i see a bridge on it it’s a glowing onion i peel off a layer and eat it
>i continue on past the small wooden bridge
> i see a faint glow in the distance i start heading towards it
> on the way i see a barrel and a sign that reads “Shrek’s torture barrel”
> i hear screaming i try to free who ever in there but i can’t
>i see a gleaming light in the distance
>i press on on the way to the light
> i find a layr on the road to the lights
>i reached the house
>when i see it it was on fire
> i go in and i see donkey covered in flaming rubble
> i wonder why Shrek would do this to poor old donkey
> i see in the fire place a onion i peel off a layer
> and eat it then i heard in an echo that said waffles waffles waffles? getting slower and more demonic every time
> after i ate the onion I exit the building and what happens next terrifies me
> i see Shrek slowly walking towards me but was acting like he was running
>shrek was just running in place
>and i hear a corrupted version of all-star
> i fucking ran as fast as i could
> i think i out runed him
>i find more layers
> on the way i see a glowing out house
> i approach it and it is open when i look in the toilet i see a layer
>ofcorse.jpg
> i eat it and move on
> i saw Shrek now speed walking towards me i run again
> i grabbed more layers and a got to a stone plane and a Tree stump
> i see a onion i eat it this was the 7th
> I FUCKING SAW SHREK RUNING TWORDS ME FULL SPEED
> i run towards the bridge then Shrek vanishes there it is the last onion on the bridge
> i approach it slowly then i feel a warmth above me i look up SHREK IS LOOMING ABOVE ME in 2 seconds after in realize it Shrek snaps my neck
>He says hey now you’re an all-star and it goes black.
CHAPTER 3 HELL SWAMP.
>when i wake up i see a red sky, stone ground ,trees that were on fire but don’t burn away so the leaves are gone and red wondering souls
> i knew i was in the hell swamp i tried to talk to the souls
> all they say is don’t eat the RED onions
> i notes a large tree in the distance
> i approach it and see there is a door
> knock on it
> and someone opens it slightly
> he says WHAT THE HELL GET THE FUCK BACK BETRAYED
>then he says wait you’re not a soul hurry get in quickly
> i see in the middle they have a fire
> but it was made up of ice
> like an ice fire
> there it about 5 people total including me
> he takes a seat and says welcome
> I get told whats going on
> he says that in the icelands there is a safe haven called New Farquadd Coloney
> i ask what that’s about it and he says it’s the last safe haven in all of the hell swamp
> he says that only the bravest of adventures get there
>he says that the hell swamp is broken up into 5 territory’s
>the hell spawn where the Lost souls are gathered
>then the outskirts witch is exacaly the same as hell spawn but it is where the demons are
>The no man’s land where the split between the two biomes are
> the frozen kaed which is where the new farquuad colony is located
> and then the temple of Shrek where the Shrek’s layer is located
> the hell swamp is covered by a un crossable wall surrounding the 5 territorys
> i said to them why don’t we go to the colony
>they say its way to dangerous
>i asked why it was so dangerous
>they said there is packs of ogre donkeys, ogrekin vishess donkeys and the unholy GIGA DONKY
>i asked what the giga donkey is they said
>it is this demon of a donkey about the 30 storys tall
> it has black hair and a mane of fire
> and red eyes that beam like flash lights
> i also asked what is a ogrekin is
> they replied that it is a person who is loyal to Shrek and guard the hell swamp
> they are glowing green they have hoods on then a suit of armor and they have wings of green fire
> i said well I’m going anyways
> they say if you get killed here your conchisness will be locked looking in the same direction as when you died for eternity, spooky right?
>I gulped i asked why the lost souls act like that
> he answered because they ate RED onions because they were starving
>i asked how do you survive then
>they replied the sap in the trees fills you and gives you the nutrients you need
>Then they give me a spigot
>they say that i still should not go because i will die
>i say that i aint going to live my eternity locked in a tree
>they understand
>i head off on my quest they stop me and give me a knife to protect myself
> they tell me to eat NO ONION
>then they say don’t get killed lad
>the leader patted me on the back
>"Dont die ok?"
>CHAPTER 4 THE EXPADITION
i reach the black gate to the outskirts and i leave
> i feel fear run over my body
> a week later down the road i am still going the i hear it a loud ear rupturing roar
> and i see it GIGA DONKY
>it was the most terrifying thing in the entire land
>i run as fast as i can
> i luckily went past him unnoticed
> i continue a lot i see Shrek shrines
> i take a piss on them
> they seem to have small boxes on them
>not sure if they were kneel rests or something
>i continue and i see a fag Shrek disciple
>i pull out my knife
> start to knife him he throws a onionade at me
> and i dodge it and i hid behind a tree
> and start carving a branch into a spear
>after 15 minutes of him searching and i get him by spearing him
> he drops down
> i tell him to tell me how to get out the most easy way or i kill him
> He starts to laugh and says “IM IMORTAL BITCH hmm but i can see your losing faith in farquuad and i respect that so i will help”
>"farquadd is my hero so stfu cunt or i will kill you right now"
>“You see just keep heading forward because there is no easy way out”
>“He says to be careful because in the no man’s land, frozen kaed and the temple there is Lycra people.
>lycra people are savage humanoid figures that hate humans and upon a kill they absorb the humans chromosomes, like pink guy”
> Then he collapses into dust.
>I see a glowing in the distance when i approached it i was disgusted to see that it was a spire that had a bunch of skeletons climbing over each other to reach the top
>frozen in place from when they died
> At the top was a green onion
> Weird.jpg
> i see the tree lining end and i enter the no man’s land
> no trees and the ground was brown and the sky was grey
> Note it has been around three months judging by how much my hair grew
> It was refreshing to see something other than red
>its was short lived
> Then i notice there are tons of Lycra people dotting it
>"shit i forgot"
> note that the no man’s land is around 20 miles
> There is a rainbow of Lycra people red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple, brown, black and white. One noticed me and it tried to attack me.
>It was blue.
> It screamed GIBEDI THA CHROMOSOMES PLS
> and clawed at me like a zombie
> I took my knife and struck him down
> I now start to see the end of the territory and see snow?
>It is an ice forest and i enter.
> It was unbearably cold but the sky and trees where nice.
>the trees where pines but greyed out instead of green and brown
>they sky looked like it dose before a huge thunderstorm
>I keep walking and i see a bright light in the distance
> i reach it and it is the city
>"the New Farquadd Coloney"
>i aproch the gate and notice that the guards have real armor and swords
>they see that i am a wanderer and they invite me in
> when i enter i am welcomed because I’m farquuadian
>i enter and i ask what the currency here is.
> they say it is tree sap and i have tons so I’m fine
> i search around and end up buying a hatchet winter gear and a back pack
>i take my gear and go to the inn.
>this place was a real city with a wall streaching its leingth
>i go to the bar and order a baked potato
>overhear people talking about giga being in the frozen kaed\
>i head off to bed
>next morning
> i want to stay so badly
> but i know deep down that my Destiney and the reason i was thrown into this nightmare is to show the onion hell that there is still hope
> i leave the city and venture off
> i continue and hunt some donkey and lycra for dinner
>yes you can eat them
> and i see a red glow in the distance
> then from the tree line giga donkey bursts out roaring
> before i get a chance to react he uses the flame breath to burn me down then i collapse
> when i awake everything is gone all that’s left is my hatchet
> i can’t be in this cold much longer i see a Shrek shrine and i realize something
>that farquuad is never coming to save me
>opinions change over the corse of one year
>i noticed that my loyalness to farquadd has fadded and shrek filled it
> then i Neel and then a hatch opens under me i hear a voice "you’re ready"
> then i enter the room under and find an armory i suit up in insulated iron armor and a onion katana a kunai chain and tons of onion juice
>i leave and continue
PART 5 FINALE
> i continue and kill some lycra
> and then giga donkey breaks out from the tree line
>im ready
> i use my chain to run up him while he is breathing fire
> i stab him in the back of the head he flails
>he bucks me off
>i notice a glowing on my back
>a bow apears
>i grab it and shoot arrows at him then i jump on his back
>i stabbed him
> then he goes silent he collapses into dust
> and i fall from him
> i get up
> see a glowing orb on the ground and i pocket it and i continue
> i see the end of the tree line and i exit the forest
> i see a bottomless canyon and look across and see it SHREKS CASTLE
> this is it i see a bridge and see guarding it an ogre
> i tell him i wish to pass and he says i must duel him
> i accept
>i duel him and i struck him down
>it was hard but i win and he says "we...ll ...d..On...e" and he collapses into dust
>i see another glowing orb i pocket it and i continue
> i enter castle Shrek it was huge it had columns everware and a path
>it was huge
>i looked to both sides of me and see they strech on into the horrison
>i see the path
> i walk down it and it was about three hours and i see huge double doors
> this is it
>then someone pulls out from behind a columns
>he says "well well"
>it was the man from the tree he says "how could you betray us"
> i say how did you get here he says "after being here for so long you learn things"
>i tell him to come with me and to escape this nightmare
> he says "I’ve been here for 1300 years you think i would have thought of something"
>i don’t know what to say
>he says"you used to idolize me now you abandon me"
>then it hits me H E I S F A R Q U U A D
>he says "huh guess not"
>he clenches his fists and when he releases them they have fire in them
> his eye color turns red and he launches himself in the air
> and in sears me in flames
>holy shit
> i pull out my katana and launch myself into the air trying to hit him
> he teleports out of the way
> he says "because getting to earth doesn’t appeal anymore"
>i try to attack him but he dodges he says
> "because after so many years things like earth become so miniscule"
>he throws 5 fire balls at me 3 hit
>he is levitating now
> i launch at him he ducks
> then he blasts me out of the air
> then i hit him he falls to the ground and says "huh after being here for 1300 years i would learn to be better huh listen kid promise me you won’t hurt people for no cause"
> then he collapsed into dust
>i sat for a moment
>i approached the double doors and see two slots in it
> i put the two orbs in the slot and it clicks
> the doors open and i see inside a staircase with three ogres hovering above it
> one is purple one is blue and one is orange the orange one looks like that one kid from lfd2 and behind them i see a huge onion
>i ask them what to do
> they say to take a bite and Shrek shall judge them
>this is it after 1 year finally i reached the end
> i take i bite and everything goes black
PART 6 SHREK
> when i wake up I’m in a white room with a white bed and a window
> i look out it and it is a black abyss but it is raining
>i sit in the bed
>the window starts raddling it swings open and Shrek flies in and the window shuts
> I am so happy
>He whispers into my ear “This is my swamp.”
>He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands and puts me down onto my hands and knees
>I’m ready
> I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek
> He penetrates my butt-hole
>It hurts so much but I do it for Shrek
> I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water
> I push against his force I want to please Shrek
> He roars in a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his love
>everything goes black
> when I wake I am in the crater I died in when on earth two years later
> I inhale "finally"
> I go home and trash all my farquuad shit and replace it with Shrek stuff it is over
>Shrek is love
>Shrek is life
>It’s not ogre
>It’s never ogre
>Praise shrek
THE END
