Dear CW,
As a conscious African American man, raised by a very strong African woman, I am, to a large extent, very offended by your blog and the cover of your book. Your book cover seems to depict this notion that the only way a woman of African descent can do better in a relationship is by dating, or marrying men with European features and ancestry. I refused to buy into that concept.
Before I get into any specifics as to why I am in total disagreement with your blog and book cover, let me clear up some points very quickly.
People of African descent have brown skin not black skin. If you look at a color chart, I am very sure that there is a clear distinction between brown and black. I detest being called black.
In the western hemisphere, everything that is bad is associated with the word black. It is very important for us, the people of African ancestry to be conscious of who we are. And it is equally important for us to know our history because if we don’t, any history will do. I hope this would explain the reason why I refer to us as Africans as opposed to blacks.
And now, in no particular order, here are some of the reasons why I am offended by your blog and book cover:
As a responsible man, I know there are quite a few brothers out there who are not handling their responsibilities to their girlfriends, wives and children. Using me as an example, my mother raised my four siblings and me by herself. She put us through prep school, elementary school, high school, and college all by herself. My father, though he had the means, failed woefully at his responsibilities. But, at the same time, I am very inspired by most men in my family for taking care of their responsibilities. Most of them are my father’s brothers and cousins.
As a college educated man, a man who has never been in trouble with the law, and living here in America, I understand the law. When I used to live in Brooklyn, I saw police brutally firsthand. I saw how European American cops (mostly of Italian and Irish descent) come into our community, daily, to meet their quotas by making arrests on bogus charges and writing excessive traffic related tickets.
When an African man and a European man, commit the same crime in the same city, why do both of them always end up facing two different criminal justice systems in America? This is a known fact. You can definitely research this statement.
Sean Bell was killed by 51 bullets on his wedding day. The cops who carried out the evil deed, supported by Bloomberg and Ray Kelly, were found not guilty of any criminal conduct for Bell’s assassination. On the contrary, Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months after he pleaded guilty to federal dog fighting charges. Go figure.
As a publisher who once worked within the publishing industry in London and New York, I saw the level of inequalities and prejudice that permeate that industry, in terms of hiring non European staff..
Racial profiling, directed mainly towards African American and Latino men, has become a subculture of American law enforcement. Brothers with marijuana in their pockets are sent to Rikers Island while European men with far worst crimes are getting off with a smack on the back of their hands.
Given the past, present, and perhaps the future history of racial discrimination in this country, and the rest of the western world, people of European descent had committed and continue to commit inhuman crimes at a very alarming magnitude towards people of African descent. But, still, given all their (European) ruthless conduct, African Men, regardless of their status in the society in which they live, are still being perceived as the quote and quote bogeymen.
Let me bring your attention to this article: http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2008/08/09/study-black-man-and-white-felon-same-chances-for-hire. The article denotes some of the problems that African men face, daily, in America. You may also want to check out this book: Marked: Race, Crime, and Finding Work in an Era of Mass Incarceration by Devah Pager.
Africans make up about 14 percent of the entire population in America, and 80 percent of the entire prison population are African men, how does one explain that? This statistic did not happen by accident, it happened and continue to happen by the collaborative effort of state and federal lawmakers.
Young African boys are being educated, in most cases, by European American women who do not understand the plight of these children and don’t really want to.
“Legalized discrimination — where blacks were prevented, often through violence, from owning property, or loans were not granted to African-American business owners, or black homeowners could not access FHA mortgages, or blacks were excluded from unions or the police force or the fire department — meant that black families could not amass any meaningful wealth to bequeath to future generations. That history helps explain the wealth and income gap between blacks and whites, and the concentrated pockets of poverty that persist in so many of today's urban and rural communities. A lack of economic opportunity among black men, and the shame and frustration that came from not being able to provide for one's family contributed to the erosion of black families — a problem that welfare policies for many years may have worsened. And the lack of basic services in so many urban black neighborhoods — parks for kids to play in, police walking the beat, regular garbage pickup, building code enforcement — all helped create a cycle of violence, blight and neglect that continues to haunt us.”
--Senator Barack Obama. March 18, 2008
Two people can go into a situation and come out of it differently. My brothers, my friends and I are some of the lucky brothers out here. Our lives could have turned out negatively, but we give glories to God almighty for preserving our lives. Growing up without a father is really not easy for a young African boy.
There are some brothers out there who have allowed America to get the best of them. I know what it feels like as an African man with a college education and still not be able to get a job. I know what it feels like to be asked to train a European colleague who will then turnaround and take your job from you. I know African men who want to do right by their family but have no means. I have seen African men who have given up the hope of making it in this country.
Every time some European American men lose their jobs, they commit suicide. They end their lives because they can’t deal with the idea of not living comfortably. Whereas, when some African men lose their jobs, they buckle up their shoes and start looking for new a gig.
I am not sure if you work in corporate America or not. If you do, I am sure you would have seen the ratio of African men and women working in your establishment. I think the ratio of African women and men employed by corporate America is 7:3. European men tend to be uncomfortable in the midst of well educated African men. They can’t deal with the notion of having African men as their equals in corporations. They are more comfortable seeing them as their security officers, and in other subordinate roles. These are some of the reasons why there are more African women in corporate America than men.
As someone who has attended seminars at different colleges: Princeton, Howard, NYU, CUNY Colleges, just to name a few. I see young brothers at these institutions getting a college education. They are going to be leaders of tomorrow if they are given the same leg up as their European counterparts. European American men are committing serious crime, daily, and getting away with it. They have trust funds, they cushy jobs with prestigious firms, across the country, and the society is ready to be supportive every time they act up badly. When they express themselves, the society say that they are confident, and when African men do the same, the same society tell them that they are cocky.
I am not against you and your cohorts dating outside your race, but, please, don’t do that at the expense of putting all African men down as opposed to the few who are not taking of their responsibilities. You plastered your blog with photos of African women with their European male partners as if these men are their knights in shining armors.
I can just imagine one of these sisters confronting her knight for treating her badly, the European man would probably say to her that “I know you are not running into the warm embrace of a black guy because there aren’t any out there. Do you remember telling me that all black guys are bums? Besides, I am the best thing to ever happen to you since slice bread.”
Then, you wrote a book that detailed the shortcomings of African men, and you put the picture of a European man and an African woman on the cover, under the title: “Black Women Deserve Better.” As an African man and a publisher, I find the cover extremely offensive.
As a responsible man, I know it’s not easy for African American men, trust me, I do. There are always going to be some no good brothers giving the rest of us bad names. But there are a lot of good brothers out there taking of business. Your blog needs to be well balanced. You mainly point fingers at what African men are doing wrong without offering any possible solutions.
We all can do better, both men and women.
Peace and blessings
J
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This post first appeared on Black Women Deserve Better (Bloopers & Other Nonse, please read the originial post: here
