Aloa he ihr Lieben!

Heute erreichte mich eine E-Mail von Captain Morgan aus Afghanistan. Um ehrlich zu sein, hat mich diese Mail sehr verwundert, da ich doch immer dachte, Captain Morgan sei in Jamaika stationiert und dort für den reibungslosen Ablauf der Rumproduktion zuständig. Dem scheint aktuell aber nicht so zu sein. Wie diese E-Mail beweist, hält sich der Captain momentan am Hindukusch auf und benimmt sich dort meiner Meinung nach ziemlich daneben.

Doch lest selbst, hier ist die originale E-Mail von Captain Morgan:

“Dear Sir/Madam

I am Captain David Morgan. 090209-M-2550C-014 II Marine Expeditionary of Multinational Division Center base in Kabul,Afghanistan, of the NATO Marine Force on Monitoring and Peace keeping mission in Afghanistan,On february 23,2012 we were alerted on the sudden presence of some Terrorists camping in Marjah. a suburb not too far from Kabul here in Afghanistan. After Immediate intervention, we captured three (3) of the Terrorists,(7)

injured.In the process of torture they confessed being rebels for Abu Baqir a Taliban sub-commander and al-Qaida group leader, and they took us to a cave in Marjah. which served as their camp.

Here we recovered several guns, bombs and other Am munitions including some boxes among which two contains nuclear weapons, one filled with hard drugs(cocaine) and the other four to my amazement contain some millions of US Dollars and i have in my possession the sum of 9.7 million U.S. dollars as my share.

I am in keen need of a Reliable and Trust worthy person like you who would receive the box,secure and protect the box which containing the US Dollars for me because before October some U.S.Army will replace in Afghanistan and i will soon come back to see my family. I assure and promise to give you 30% of this fund, however feel free to negotiate what you wish to have as your percentage in this business.

Please assure me of your keeping this top most secret to protect my job with the NATO Marine Force on Monitoring and Peace keeping mission in Afghanistan. In less than 4 days the box should be in your possession, or where they will deposit it before it can get to you and i will come for my money. I will give you 30% of the money and 70% for me. I hope i have been fair to this deal. Get back to me with your full information: Please this is urgent and i need serious person who will move this money to Europe or

America so that we will invest the money in his country.get back to me as soon as possible.

Your full name …. Your full address …. Your direct phone number ….

Am waiting for your reply so that I can furnish you with more details.

Regards, Captain David Morgan“

So so! An statt sich also weiter um seinen guten Rum zu kümmer, lümmelt sich der Captain also in Afghanistan herum, foltert dort Terroristen, oder wen er dort auch immer gefangen hat, und hantiert mit Waffen, Drogen, Nuklearwaffen und großen Mengen Bargeld herum. Das ist mal nicht in Ordnung. Alles nicht!

Folgende E-Mail habe ich ihm zurück gesendet:

“Dear Captain,

Thank you for your E-Mail. You can be sure that you have addressed the right person; I will take good care for the money. Please send the complete money to Micha, Studentenwohnheim Meschede, Germany.

In general, I have to tell you, that it is not ok, to torture other persons and to steal their stuff. I hope they were for real evil terrorists. Maybe you should better stay in Jamaica and take care for the production of your rum. It is a great product and I really love it.

To your questions: Your full name …. When I am full, people call me Captain Micha, because I like your Captain Morgan rum so much. Your full address …. When I am full, I mostly sleep close to the place where I drink. This is much safer than going home drunk. Your direct phone number …. I have no direct phone, only Telephone.

I hope to get your package soon and I also hope you will get back to Jamaica save and stay away from Terrorists in the future.

Best regards, the Micha.”

Selbstverständlich werde ich das Geld komplett einbehalten. Es geht nicht an, dass sich ein angesehener Captain im fernen Afghanistan aufführt wie die Axt im Wald und einfach andere Leute foltern, um an ihr Geld, ihre Drogen und ihre Atomwaffen zu kommen. Um dem Captain eine Lehre zu erteilen und um ein deutliches Zeichen gegen Folter zu setzen, werde ich Morgan seine 70% also nicht auszahlen und die vollen 9,7 Millionen $ einbehalten. Auch ich habe meine Prinzipien!

Soviel zu heute.  Bitte bedenkt mich auch weiterhin mit eurer vollen Unterstützung und mit euren großzügigen Spenden. Ihr wisst ja, nur gemeinsam sind wir stark genug um dieses große Ziel zu erreichen.

Best regards, Micha

P.s.: Viele Grüße an Max