The Call

Sometimes you get hit with curveballs, just out of the blue.   After taking a physical to re-up on my life Insurance I got a call from my agent saying that my EKG had come back “abnormal” and that while it was no cause to even worry about contacting my physician they were dropping my rating from A-Number-1 down to Number 3.  I had no idea what that meant but I did know I wasn’t and didn’t want to be a Number 3 when it comes to my health.  Not to mention it meant my premiums would be going up.  Of course I also worried that maybe I had some genetic tweak in my Heart like the athletes who suddenly collapse and die in the middle of games.  Maybe it is arrogance or naivete but that thought only lasted 5 minutes.  I am totally in tune with whats going on with the old bod and the ticker has been performing admirably, if I may say so.  I was told by my insurance agent that my best bet was to just go with it, somehow shuffle as much money as I could into a newer, more expensive plan that would at least preserve my Number 1 rating and go with the Number 3 rating for the rest.  I didn’t like that option.  He said I could see a cardiologist but there was the risk I would get worse news that could drop my rating even further or even get me cancelled.  I liked that option.  Again arrogance but I knew I was going to get a good report.  I made my way through the system, having to see my GP who took an EKG and saw what the Insurance Company saw.  I don’t know the technical EKG jargon but for most people the line between the big blips usually has little upward blips but my little blips go down.  Got that?  She guessed that was normal for me and when I told her I am a runner she suggested maybe that’s what an EKG looks like for someone who has a healthier heart than everyone else.  I vowed at that moment to never change doctors.  She sent me on through the system to set up an appointment with the cardiologist and to do the necessary stress test to prove my case.

The Office

That test was yesterday.  I showed up with attitude – not for the people performing the test, I value courtesy and politeness above most things – but with attitude for showing the insurance company who they are dealing with and for making it tough on them to raise my rates.  Who am I kidding – if they want to raise my premiums they will.  Has anyone ever met an insurance company that is truly more interested in their clients than in their premiums?  I made the staff laugh when I gasped as they started to shave my chest.  I am going to Hawaii in the near future and I was already going to be operating with a frighteningly white, glow-in-the-dark, farmer’s tanned chest.  Now it is bright white with crop circles!   After that I had only one question, the only thing at all in this world that concerned me going into the treadmill stress test:  What was the all-time facility record for staying on?  The treadmill test is a go-until-you-have-to-quit test and I was determined to beat the record.  You should know that I am an ultra-competitive person.  That is, when I think it matters.  I grew up with a dad who was ultra-competitive at everything, from card games to backyard volleyball games and I am not that person.  Most things are just silly – I don’t need to beat the pants off of my kids at Candyland.  This was different though.  For one I do like competing with myself.  Mostly though it was a competition to show the insurance company what the deal was and is. 

The Main Event

The treadmill started rolling with its be-crop circled combatant onboard.   The number to beat was 21:04.  Sounded simple enough.  I knew there would be an incline and that it, along with the speed, would increase every 3 minutes.  Sounded simple enough.  I run 35 miles a week.  When I face hills I always imagine I am a car in cruise control that has to increase its output to maintain the same speed.  I run accordingly.  I also mentally chuckle at people who make it to the top of the hill and then immediately stop to walk and savor their victory.  To me climbing the hill is not a victory.  To me climbing the hill and then keeping on going, that is the victory.  The first 3 minutes was a moderate walk.  We continued to talk about Hawaii – the technician is getting to Honolulu when my family returns from another isle for a final 2 day adventure in The Big Pineapple.  We joked that we would look for each other in the sprawling city.  That talk continued past the 3 minute mark when things shifted.  Now I was at a fast walk.  Things were still pretty easy.  Then came the 6 minute mark.   With the new speed I realized I could either do a very fast walk or start to jog.  I decided another 3 minutes of walking would be psychologically better.  Get 9 minutes done without even having to run.  At 9 minutes things got more serious.  The running started, the conversation faded away and I realized that this easy run would be nothing of the sort, but not because of my lungs, heart, stamina or legs.  The incline was so drastic that I had to cling hard to the bar in front of me to keep from falling.  I have a shoulder impingement and I immediately felt it.  I knew I wasn’t going to beat the record.  12 minutes passed without a problem, other than my already tired and sore shoulder.  By 15 minutes I was ready to quit.  For a while every second seemed like it would be my last, that the word “stop” would just fly out of my mouth on its own and that would be it.  But then, by 16 minutes ( I was asking for a time update with each changing minute now out of desperation) two thoughts kicked in.  One – My wife always says, “You can do anything for X minutes.”  In this case it was only 5.  She is so right that if you drill it down to that – how hard could it be to push yourself for 5 minutes? And Two – I hate that our country as a whole (there are individuals who are exceptions) has become a country of people who only want immediate and easy.  It’s either instant YouTube or American Idol success or forget doing the work to get there.  A few blogs ago I wrote about weight loss.  One thing I should have said was that it is not just changed lifestyle, fast food, too-large portions and lack of exercise that are responsible for the great obesity problem facing the world.  It’s also, as much as anything, the remote control attitude that it is either easy and immediate or it doesn’t happen.  Don’t put in the work.  Do nothing because it is too hard.  I hate that.   I wasn’t going to stop.  At  21:10, barely able to speak from exhaustion and dryness (you can’t have water for 4 hours before the test), right shoulder now pretty much dead, I asked if I had beaten the record and was told yes.  I feebly whispered – “stop.”  There is no font to make it sound as pathetic as it was.

The Meeting

Right after you stop they make you lie down and they take EKG readings.  The most fun part was that to keep my lung from blocking the view of my heart they asked me to exhale and then hold my breath, breath I did not have, for several seconds while they took snapshots.  I had to do that 4 times.  While this process was going on I mentally peed on my own parade as it dawned on me – yeah, I had beaten the treadmill endurance record but my competition was a bunch of out of shape, middle-aged and elderly heart patients.  Crap.  Then my outlook improved greatly.  The cardiologist came in, made the comment to the 3 person staff, “wow, impressive endurance,” and then proceeded to make my day.  First of all this young and lean doctor told me that it was not a heart patient’s record I had beaten but his.  He then made it even better by telling me he is a triathlete!  After I told him I was a runner he asked what I was training for.  This also made my day, that he would assume I must be in training, because my honest answer was, “nothing.”  I then added, “except living to 110.”  He loved that answer.  He told me my EKG did not change from resting before the test through the 225 beats a minute I pushed my heart to, to beat the record.  My blood pressure never got above 165 over 57 even at the peak of great physical stress.  My report was going to be great.  Then it got even better.  He told me that, although there is no official diagnosis for it, the EKG irregularity I show is commonly seen in EKGs of Olympians!  He also added that, as I already knew, it still may not be enough to convince the underwriters of the insurance company to reverse their downgrade.  To them it is an irregularity (i.e. a reason to charge me more money).  What a terrific irony it will be if I have run myself to such health that I have run myself right into an increase in my insurance premiums.  I have asked the insurance company to speak with the doctor in addition to reading his report.  I hope they will do the right thing.  Even if they don’t, I will always have the treadmill and the goodness that resides in my big ole healthy heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSATFPuOLBE  I may be a big dweeb but I can’t help it – I just really like this song.