NASHVILLE – Former Vice President Al Gore lashed out at the Vatican this morning, calling the tradition of releasing smoke into the atmosphere during papal conclave voting “fundamentally negligent” and “grossly inappropriate.” He also questioned the morality behind using what he called the “ancient pagan ritual of carbon emissions worship” in order to advance “a religious empire built on a foundation of animal sacrifice.” News of Gore’s papal pat down galvanized global warming groups around the nation. Orion Delaney Neijurk, a member of the Vermont activist organization, Gentle Caress Anarchy (GCA), said his group already has revolutionaries on flights to Vatican City. “Before Mr. Gore had finished excoriating the Vatican’s deadly CO2 emissions our subversives had begun packing, chomping at the bit to protest in Rome,” he gushed. “Each time the church releases a billowing cloud of noxious smoke it accelerates the evaporation of yet another iceberg, which diminishes another polar bear’s chances of survival and adds another 12 to 18 inches of water to the impending floods Mr. Gore has predicted for Manhattan. Of course the unpleasant irony is, some of those bloated, dead bodies floating in the Big Apple will be Catholics.” Al Gore spoke to reporters in […]