I’m going to flat out say it that the English Premier League non playoff structure is why Britain lost the Revolutionary war to America.

British Stereotypes 

• Bad Teeth
• Well mannered
• Witty and intellectual (think the Wolf from Fargo)

It seems odd to say that the future determined the past but there is nothing more emblematic about the Brits than this pitiful idea that the season champs should be determined by a point structure. So you are aware of what I’m talking about, Chelsea has won the League by week 36 of 38 and these last 2 weeks are only played to see what 4 teams qualify for the Champions league and who gets relegated. They may have even clinched weeks ago, who the hell knows.

Don’t try to defend this is a good way to decide who the league champions are. I’m purposely not reading any reason why the league may do this because I don’t want to be convinced otherwise. This is a perfect example of the Brits being spineless. We here in America love the playoffs. Pressure. Do or die. The cream rises to the top. Underdogs have a chance to knock off favorites (Leicester City was a fluke). The playoff structure is so American that it defines us as a country and shows why we now have 320 million people and the British are stuck at 65 million.

As an American who is Mildly Entertained by the English Premier League, this concept is such a turn off that I will continue to be mildly entertained. Do you know why I know who Kelly Oubre Jr is? Because he got knocked the shit out of Kelly Olynyk in a game that was meaningful. Athletes make names for the themselves in big games. The EPL doesn’t even have a championship game!  This is horseshit. Soccer loving people please comment on why I’m wrong here.