Everyone hears things from time to time that they just can't believe - inspiring stories, sad stories, tales of great courage... and then there are the things that come out of people's mouth that leave you speechless. I'm sure this happens in every walk of life and line of work, but it is especially prevalent in the emergency department! I often hear co-workers say, "You can't make this stuff up!" or, "Gotta write that one down!" Well I have actually been writing some of them down, though wish I had for the whole 10 years I've been in the department, boy what a book that would be! But I will share some of the nuggets that I have collected!
Today, I went into room 1 to see a patient. The Triage sheet states his complaint was "I've been living in my car for 9 months. The policeman put cameras in my feet and I can't work". When asked how he knew they were in his feet he said, "because people know I'm coming before I get there".
Naples has a lot of wealthy and privileged residents. This complaint was overheard in an exam room of a female senior citizen.
"No one pulls up the blankets here!"
From the nurse, "How do you pull up the blankets at home?"
"Well... those are different blankets!"
Should we really be asking our trauma-certified nurses to pull blankets up and fluff pillows? (Most of us actually do, but not because we're asked to!)
We got a patient into room 19 that had altered level of consciousness. His eyes were like bug eyes, very wide but he wasn't saying much. We sat him up to get him undressed and found multiple Fentanyl patches on his back and chest (a narcotic pain medicine delivered in a patch). The nurse who was helping me said, "maybe that's why he's sedated, he's got multiple Fentanyl patches on!". Upon hearing this, the pt. sat straight up, his eyes got wider (if possible) and he said, "Mother of God! Take them off!"
I was working in triage and an older lady was pushing her older mother in a wheelchair into my exam area. She stated "I'm a terrible driver, I got 2 tickets last year. I don't tell them I have no depth perception!" I immediately asked her what kind of car she drove. Look out for a black convertible!
An older, rough-around-the-edges gentleman sat in my triage chair and complained of diarrhea. He told me he had been trying to treat it himself with soda and beer. "The acid and base balance kinda works!"
Again in triage, a man complained of abdominal pain. "The only thing I do wrong is drink rum, smoke cigarettes, and smoke weed." (The only thing?) Then he told me he had also had the plague. When a pulse oximeter was put on his finger he said, "I swear I'm telling the truth!" Apparently he thought it was a lie detector.
And finally, a lady sat down and reported she had a "cold ear" (a cold foot would be an emergency... loss of circulation, but not sure about how you lose circulation to your ear). She then told me about her medical and family history which included a father who had lung cancer in his knees.
