Dear Patients,

How are you?

You know I care so much about you, that is why I am taking out time to write you this note.

As we all know, the #World Cup has started – I feel it is necessary we are all prepared for some changes that will occur during the events, I have thought long and hard and it is with a strong sense of responsibility I have come to the following conclusions:

1. Complaints

Make your complaints brief and to the point. I am really not interested in how you and your family visited your aunty in the village and somebody looked at you somehow and then you started feeling somehow.

2. Length of Sickness.

If you have been sick for over 5 days and are just coming for the first time, another 2 hour wait for the TV Goal highlights to end will not kill you.

3. Patients on the Ward.

You are advised to keep arms that have IV lines ABSOLUTELY still during the period of any match I am watching, as any tissued lines will not be reset.

4. Pregnant Women.

I have a soft spot for you.

If you know your Expected Date of Delivery falls on a day my country has an important match, kindly come to me now for some quick tips on self delivery (items needed: warm towels and really sharp scissors or garden shears.)

5. Injuries.

– Except your head is cut off, be satisfied with a bandage for any…and I mean any kind of injury.

6. Consultation Times.

Now for any kind of complaint is one minute, if you feel you need to talk more, I will be glad to refer you elsewhere…

7. And to my dear nurses

– The fact that I am watching the TV on the wards does not mean I came in for consultations or to review charts, or to reset lines or insert catheters

8. People with just one

of the following symptoms will not be seen:

1. Inability to sleep. 

2. Cough or catarrh.

3. Lack of appetite.

4. Pain….(Please note that pain and agony are not the same thing) .

The aforementioned should go to their local Pharmacy.

9. Celebration

If you suddenly see me jump up and start dancing while consulting, don’t think your doctor has run mad – it’s a goallll!

Thank you for your support.

Signed
Your Football loving Doctor.

Pic1: thefader.com

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