6:30am: Enter workplace café. Read the weekly menu to look for things to avoid. Smell bacon and biscuits. Immediately panic on how not to eat bacon and biscuits. Eat boring oatmeal instead.

8:00am: Go to my desk. Walk by three desks with birthday decorations. Later, there will be cake.

10:00am: Hungry. Should eat some nice almonds or a piece of fruit. Know that downstairs in the café there are fresh baked scones. Must….not…go. Usually go.

12:00pm: Lunchtime! Brought baked chicken and veggies from home. Saw today’s special is super cheesy chili nachos. Oh yea and buffalo shrimp po boy. And don’t forget homemade onion rings. Ignore specials and hope to pick off the plates of my coworkers. (They usually let me.) Somehow feel satisfied that I didn’t actually order the food.

12:30pm: Done with boring chicken. Notice people walking by with the dessert of the week. This week’s poison- chocolate timball- a layer of chocolate cake topped with chocolate mousse topped with a hardened chocolate shell. It makes a crack noise when you hit it with your spoon. I know. I‘ve heard it.

12:31pm: Purchase dessert. Eat. Do not offer to share. Prepared to stab hands of coworkers if necessary.

1:00pm: Back at desk feeling sick with sugar overload. Vow to never eat dessert again and stay on treadmill for two hours tonight.

1:30pm: Come back to desk from quick bathroom break. Fresh piece of birthday cake sitting on my desk. It’s chocolate. Promise I will take just one bite to be nice. Eat entire piece.

1:45pm: Feel sick again. And now mad at my lack of willpower. Vow to change.

2:00pm: Get water. Feeling stronger. I will eat broccoli for dinner. It will be okay.

3:00pm: Receive email…tomorrow cake celebration in the café. Damn it!

3:10pm: Vow will not eat cake tomorrow.

5:00-9:00pm: Going home now. Ready for broccoli dinner and two hour treadmill workout. Read paper. Check Facebook. Eat pasta boyfriend made (didn’t want to hurt his feelings). Figure day is already ruined. Watch America’s Got Talent. Vow to do better tomorrow. Sleep.

6:30am next morning: Repeat. (Some details will change but you get the drift).