Anyone who's ever heard Adam & Joe's dissection of the R-Kelly Trapped in the Closet dvd will know that Robert Kelly is a man who waxes in almost Dickensian scope about his, erm, dick (or at least about what he's going to do with it).

Alexis Petridis reviews R Kelly's new album, available in all good petrol stations, in today's Guardian. Read it all but this pretty much sums it up Mr Kelly:

"...a hapless slave to his libido, a man whose brain exists merely as a life-support system for his testicles".