In my effort to add a little bit to this site as time goes on, I decided to add in a few recruits to help me out. Writing for Not In These Times is correspondent Jerry Robertson who will be covering the religion beat, keeping us all up to date on the latest from God's domain. (And just to clarify Not In These Times and its writers, and its stories, are all fake, but the names of those being written about, are real. I take no responsibility if people confuse poltical satire with real news, even though the world is crazy enough right now that sometimes the fake doesnt seem to far away from being real.)

Crest and Colgate FOF's newest target

By Jerry Robertson

James Dobson, current head of Focus on the Family came out hard against what he calls the newest threat to American society.

In a speech to a Republican fundraiser in Austin, Texas he blasted the makers of Crest and Colgate for their "blatant and shameful support of the lesbian and homosexual lifestyle".

"I am outraged that these companies are creating a culture of pervesion in this country. Its bad enough that I have to monitor my childrens tv habits to ensure they arent being subjected to liberal, homosexual programming. But now, I have to watch what they are doing in the bathroom too!" Dobson screamed to the packed room.

The controversy started when Dobson observed a man in a Washington restroom brushing his teeth. Later that evening he was spotting kissing another man, on the lips, with his minty fresh breath.

"I dont care if his teeth were pearly white and his breath smelled of eucalyptis leave, its sick and wrong that kids are being subjected to the same kind of hygene habits as those people". Dobson continued to say in his speech.

In an effort to stop the influence on society, Dobson has suggested that straight people across the country stop brushing their teeth.

When questioned if that wasnt just a bit gross Dobson replyed "Nonsense. Just chew gum and use your finger. Besides, the Brits have gone without proper dental care for centuries and look at them, they are very proper and sophisticated society despite that."

He also went on to say that should he find out that soap and other products are being used by the gay community as well, he call for the boycott to span those products as well.

"If having green fuzzy teeth is what it takes to show that im not a fag, then so be it." he remarked before opening his 6th pack of gum that evening.

We reached Johnson and Johnson, makers of many hygene products to ask for a comment on this boycott. A spokesperson said "Well it wouldnt surprise me if gay people used more hygene and personal products. I mean, hello, have you seen how good the Queer Eye guys look. And dont even get me started on the Republicans. I mean, do they get there hair cut by their mothers still?"