I've never lost someone close to me at a young age for a horrible reason...until a little over a month ago. I've lost grandparents and great grandparents, but i've never lost a friend. Or a boyfriend. Or the person I loved more than anyone in my entire life. My first true love. Maybe I will talk more about it later, but I can't right now.

I want to talk about how I lost the person who knew me the best. He truly knew me and who I was. He knew what every single face meant. He knew by my voice how I felt. He could look at me and know exactly what I was feeling. I'm not the greatest at hiding how I feel, but no matter what he always knew.

No matter where we were in our relationship, he was there for me. No matter what. He went through some of the biggest life events for me, with me, by my side the entire time. He never let me fall, when it came down to it. He tried anyway.

I miss the person who knew exactly what to say and when to say it. Even if that was also a huge flaw, it felt so good to feel so good. I could tell him anything, and I told him everything. He knew my entire life. He knew my thoughts and my reactions and my heart and soul.

I miss that the most. I miss that depth.