Multiple Abuse Debt Client

This debt client case is one of the most complex I have ever worked on and involves allegations of every form of abuse, including sexual, physical, emotional, financial abuse and fraud. Although the client did give permission for her name to be used in this blog, I felt it would be inappropriate due to the personal nature, sensitivity and ongoing legal action. However, this lady wants to warn others of the terrible experiences she has suffered, and in particular our latest discovery with the client's Apple Iphone settings and the 'Find My 'iPhone' feature.

I believe our first meeting was fated because I had just completed my professional studies on Financial Abuse and in particular - gaslighting. If there was ever a text book case of gaslighting, it was this case.

Client Story

The client first came to me advising me that her estranged husband had tried to have her sectioned in a mental health institute. He'd also bought a 2nd property using a secured loan on the matrimonial home as deposit, and then left her to move in to it. The client stated that she had no knowledge of the 2nd property (purchased in both their names), and had thought the secured loan was repaying other debts. He had controlled all of their finances online, every bill possible was paperless.

When he left the matrimonial home, he had been arrested by the Police for an assault on the client, he was released with no charge, and as he held a position in church, had convinced them that she was crazy instead. The client had no money, and no entitlement to legal aid.

The client was left with mounting bills, no access to sort them, and was starting to feel ostracised in her own community and extremely paranoid. The client's estranged husband started to turn up where she was all the time wearing a hoodie, and always knew where she'd been. Her mail started to go astray, she couldn't get into her emails, thinking she'd forgotten passwords, she doubted her own sanity. The more she explained these problems to professionals, the more she was considered as having a mental health problem, with extreme paranoia.

I saw the client deteriorate in front of my eyes, it would have been easy for anyone to think she was breaking down, she was, but why?

Gaslighting

What is it? Gaslighting is a form of manipulation and abuse that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, hoping to make them question their own memory, perception, and sanity.

Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilise the target and make them doubt everything that they believe in, and also how others perceive them. Examples range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of discrediting the victim.

The term comes from the 1938 Patrick Hamilton play Gas Light and its 1940 and 1944 film adaptations.

What to watch out for?

1. They tell blatant lies

2. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof

3. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition

4. They wear you down over time

5. Their actions do not match their words

6. They throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you

7. They know confusion weakens people

8. They project

9. They try to align people against you

10. They tell you or others that you are crazy

This form of abuse can be seen in family situations, relationships, school bullying, in business, the work place and politics. In this case, it is identifiable in a relationship with a financial and deliberately harmful motive. When I showed these indicators to the client, she wept and told me she had been gaslighted throughout her 20 year marriage, she then opened up to all the abuse she had been subjected to. She had felt too ashamed to tell people about the true extent of it.

Gaslighting is a very real and very destructive form of abuse.

The Law

In 2015 the Serious Crime Act - England and Wales - was changed to recognise controlling or coercive behaviour in a relationship.

Check Your Smart Phone Settings

I want to be clear here that I am certainly not suggesting that the 'Find My iPhone" feature is a bad one, quite the opposite, mine is always switched on! For security, it's a really great feature, using GPS as a locator on your phone, if it's with you, you could be found in an emergency and if you lose it, you can tell roughly (and sometimes very accurately) where it might be.

However, in my client's case her iPhone had been hijacked - her Apple ID, Date of Birth, and trusted email addresses had been changed. This meant that her estranged husband had access to her iCloud, her live whereabouts and where she had visited. This was serious for a number of reasons including that photographic evidence was stored on her phone and iCloud.

How did we discover this?

I think you may realise by now that the client was not very tech savvy, and had asked for my help to open up another email account. She had become very paranoid again, it could have been as a result of starting an impending court case, or it could be real. Either way, I was happy to help.

We set up a new email account and I ended up handling the client's iPhone, to my horror, the settings had all been changed to the client's ex husband, probably over a year ago. The client told me that she would never even think to enter the phone settings.

What did we do next?

I took photos of the settings to evidence that the phone had been tampered with. We then phoned Apple Support who were exceptionally sensitive and helpful, they took us through all the steps to change the security details. We then turned 'Find My iPhone' back on as a safety and security measure for the client.

Practical Advice

There is a lot of supportive information out there already on how to protect victims of abuse when they finally flee a dangerous environment, but we must never underestimate the lengths that a perpetrator will go to. This is the first case I've come across using the victim's smart phone to stalk, gaslight and intimidate them. Personal device security checks are something that anyone working with potential or identified abuse victims should know about and be checking. Read our passwords blog to make a start.

Resources

Passwords Blog

Financial Abuse

Spot a Financial Abuser

http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

https://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/#content

http://www.galop.org.uk/domesticabuse/

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

https://www.wcmt.org.uk/fellows/news/supporting-survivors-financial-abuse-blog-post-nicola-sharp-jeffs

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/Global/CitizensAdvice/Debt%20and%20Money%20Publications/Addressing%20Financial%20Abuse%20-%20AFD%20report.pdf

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/gaslighting-and-how-can-it-change-a-victims-perception-of-reality-domestic-abuse-violence-a7347781.html