Look at that gristly photo - I've seen better necks than that on chickens at Kroger. I must admit, I have recently joined the JonBenet story bandwagon, mostly because like seeing a car accident transpire, I know I should not be looking but I cannot turn away. Plus, that John Mark Karr is hands down one of the oddest, weirdest people ever to have been born. Just looking at him sends me into a fit of rage, yet there I am, like a love-sick school girl, mesmerized by the story of this sweaty, slimy, hairless pervert and his odd enganglement of events. It looks like his head is 6 sizes too large for his body, and Sweet Lord what a grill! That smile of his, exposing an array of teeth - double rows of them even. He makes me nauseous simply by looking at him. Just to show how unusual he is:
1. He married a 12 year-old when he was 18.
2. Said 12 year-old divorced HIM a year later. Wow.
3. He married a 16 year-old when he was 21.
4. He has discussed sex-change operations.
5. He has had facial hair permentantly removed to prepare for said operation.
6. He buttons his top button of his shirt.
7. He pulls his pants up to his navel area.
8. When found in Thailand, he was not wearing a belt.
And these are the best qualities!
Anyway, there isn't a doubt in my mind that this guy, if found guilty, won't last a month in prison. Just watching the Thai police manhandle him like he were one of those geeks in Sixteen Candles was shocking, because the last time I checked, Thais weren't known for their manly men. I have held the notion that Thailand mostly consists of transient whoremongers, trannys and horny prostitutes with nether regions chock full o' STD's. Hell, he probably won't survive too well in L.A. County jail much less real prison, especially after the 5-star treatment he received on the flight over. No more pate and fried prawns where you are going, buddy! I might even start looking for online betting services that will take bets on the duration of his prison "stay". You know me - I hate to waste an opportunity to make a little money, especially on someone else's fate.
Even if he is innocent of this crime they should lock him up for just being a creep.
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To lighten things up a little, here are some simple home remedies for naturally occurring problems in the home. I didn't think of them, but wish I had:
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat, and, Presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then, you will be afraid to cough.
7. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
