As leaves begin to fall our collective common sense begins to fail and the Parallel Season begins – Leaf blower season. These machines that never should have been invented have irritated me for years.

Not because the noise of electric models or the noise and odor of gas models stain the air like exhaust fumes at a fast food drive thru, not even because the dust they stir up clogs the eyes, ears, nose and throat of every living creature  within seeing, hearing, breathing or talking distance.  All valid reasons for despising an inanimate object, just not my reason.

My disdain is aimed at the damage done by those that believe in a leaf blowers ability to make leaves, dust, and debris ‘go away.’ ‘Away’ does not exist in the natural world. In the case of leaf blowers, ‘away’ is often the corner stormdrain. Which, when clogged with leaves and other debris deposited by people, allows the sanctimonious non-participating taxpayer the opportunity to call City Hall and complain that water hazard created by plugged and overflowing stormdrains hasn’t been removed.

Here are a few facts about stormdrains that I wish the commander of the leaf blower battalions would tell his troops:

• In North America, and in almost any urban area anywhere in the world, the majority of stormdrains do not connect to wastewater treatment plants. The  drains, depending on where you live, connect to rivers, lakes, streams, or wetlands. The reason for skipping the treatment Plant is simple. It’s impossible to build a treatment plant large enough to treat the volume of stormwater created by our urban areas.
• Leaves, grass clippings, and other organic material that enter waterways via stormdrains decrease the amount of oxygen available to fish and other aquatic organisms.
• Grass clippings can also carry fertilizer into waterways. Fertilizer in water does the same as fertilizer on the ground – it helps plants grow. In the water this plant growth is in the form algal blooms and increased growth of other aquatic plants. The problem with excessive plant growth in rivers, lakes, wetlands and streams is the same as the problems from other materials that enter waterways via stormdrains — decreased oxygen, attraction of sediments, Increased Water Temperature, and reduced visibility.
• Dirt blown from sidewalks and driveways blown into stormdrains increases the amount of suspended sediments in the water and the Water Temperature. Increased sediments can make it difficult for ‘visual feeders’ like fish to find food and can smother fish eggs. Increased water temperature also decreases the amount of oxygen available
• Dirt from driveways can contain metals and auto fluids harmful to humans and aquatic organisms

So let’s agree to do this: I’ll stop complaining and cringing when I see/hear/smell a leaf blower if leaf blower users stop filling our gutters and stormdrains with the leaves, dirt, and debris. Buy a broom, dustpan, and rake. Keep the blowers on the shelf next to the fertilizer that you don’t know how to use properly.