I got back home after several days away to be greeted by two messages on the Phone. My new phone actually (Tesco's value at just over £4!). Good, I thought, some commissions at last!

But unfortunately the messages were not from the Guardian, Good Housekeeping or even Cage and Aviary Birds. No, they were from the school where I'm teaching on the one-to-one tuition programme, asking for another bill with my address on it for the CRB check. Luckily my EDF bill came today. Such excitement.

And then my phone rang again. At last, I thought, it might be a publication following up on some press releases I sent out last week. Again, sadly no. It was Hold the Front Page, asking me did I want to spend £200 plus VAT on an advert about the training course I'm running with my partner.

The conversation was short, to the point. How many Tesco value phones could I buy with £200 plus VAT I wonder....hmmmm....