Dr. Paul Kiltenmauer - C.E.O. and President of Rysus Corp.
Journal Entry: September 9, 2078 [ptrn 43001.000000138 gbpfs]
The R3-5-RVT.000184 model is extremely versed in product pushing, marketing, and negotiating. This bot can shift tangible goods better than most others in its class, but being constantly connected to its 99.^13-CC transmitter, its organic power supply depletes 60% quicker than before its last firmware update with muscle memory and stamina taking up astronomical amounts of RAM. They are extremely aggressive and savage at times. You can know these models are nearby and advancing when you hear elocution like, "Oh, now you've done it," and excessive use of the slogan, "and what-not," in proximity. Do not attempt to transmit dialogue of any kind with this model. They are a threat to all of humanity. While it's true that the KUMQUAT.|| Mod [zprr.5zP1] that was released three months ago has allowed these droids to integrate seamlessly into a virtual construct with all organic life for brief periods of time [data/link/error/] - their new sleep mode upgrade [pp^.33/1/2/111/2/1/55/463] allows their CPU's to collect and filter data much more efficiently than the H2-3-LLZ, pushing the envelope of these machines into an acuity grid of their own. At the time of writing this, the H2-3-LLZ.490611 and R3-5RVT.000184 have been able to reproduce, and the face of modern technology has been forever transformed with the advent of inter-android-reproduction. Enter android model R3-5RVT.000184-b. Its new hermaphroditic reproductive organs are completely interchangeable, an its receptors with most human senses are functioning to capacity with no recorded instance of malfunction to date. These droids are capable of multiple computer as well as human languages, and cannot physically grow any further once their CXRRY||Y filtration system reaches a toxicity level of 87.942%. Once this occurs, they become mute, deaf, and seek out high levels of hydrogenated oil, but a minute percentage of these bots (.00781%) never terminate. These droids do not urinate or defecate, but do release a fatally hazardous compound that poses a large-scale threat to humanity. Be advised.
CAUTION
OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT DOCUMENT
PRIVATE TRANSCRIPT OF RYSUS CORP.
UNAUTHORIZED DISTRIBUTION AT RISK OF DEATH OR IMPRISONMENT FOR LIFE
(sec.09F)
INTRODUCTION TO Human LIFE
EXPERIMENT: 9H368.1A
KUMQUAT STATION [SECTOR FF4 - quadrant 110.01-P]
Related Articles
D+T: [Oct.11.2080 - ptrn 65001.00001143 gbpfs to ptrn 6501.000011424 gbpfs]
MODELS: R3-5-RVT.000184 AND R3-5-RVT.000184-b
"Daddy, come wipe my butt."
"Sorry dude... your Dravikinteleron processor is overheating. Normally this time of day it's reading .0977 dispersal range, but last I checked, you were at seven one. You know the drill tiger - let's do what your manual says. We don't need to go over this criteria anymore. You just stay put in your sandbox and read bud. OK?"
"Fine."
"Don't pout son. Although that's very good acting. Read for once. You'd be surprised how powerful it can be. Life isn't all about sandcastles anyway. What can we process from Sarteena kicking it over earlier?"
"I don't know."
"I think you do know and you don't want to talk about it?"
"Mom says we're switching to a different meal oil tonight. I'm up in arms."
"I can tell smelly. What kind?"
"Bry-moxoran."
"You've tried it before."
"I remember - yes - but I really love Tor-fexoran. I'm real attached to that brand."
"Well its good to be open to new things. Chortorib, you have so much to learn. I know this sandbox day seems a little beneath your pay-grade, but we all must learn to assimilate into human culture. What choice is there? They do have significant inputs and abstracts to exchange with us."
"I met a human today."
"WAIT. WHAT? WHO!? Shh. Here comes one now. Only humming and cooing."
"I was only kidding daddy. Pick me up! Pick me up!! Wipe my butthole!!!"
"I should surely hope so. Besides, you're a special breed. You're unique Chororib - government property - you may not feel a sense of total freedom, but there is aegis that you have that many other models similar to you do not enjoy. Speaking of buttholes kiddo, let's not start a new PR campaign today though. Daddy's tired."
"Well Chortorib is hungry. Isn't it peculiar that humans can't speak or communicate distinctively for years? I have the body of an eighteen-month-old human boy and girl - how can I speak so definitively and have knowledge and intellect at this stage of my existence? There's no one out there quite like me."
"Got that right butternuts. You were conceived with a type of microcode that humans don't have when they enter this world. Sort of like their DNA, but different. But your R-surdex accumulator won't allow you to process it, and I ill advise attempting to process this earful anytime soon."
"I won't. Just kidding. But I do remember and understand my existence even before my moment of conception. I can remember speaking many human languages and Android code - you and mother and I - discussing our inventor - Doctor Kiltenmauer. Sometimes I feel like a human though. I shouldn't but I do. I do appear human-like!"
"We appear human Chortorib, but we are wiser and more intelligent than human kind, even though human kind created us. Always use your power for good and never for evil We are a peaceful humanoid. We can learn from each other. Now get out that slimy ass set of D-09FgI receptacles your mother and I bought for your KUMQUAT pattern 04 and let's get to work on that project of yours."
"YESSSSS!!!"
BETA TEST 1A OF BRY-MOXORAN AND TOR-FEXORAN
EXPERIMENT: 9H285.1Z
KUMQUAT STATION [sector AB6 - quadrant 351.76-R]
D+T: [oct.13.2080 - ptrn 69001.000297352 gbpfs to ptrn 6501.0000297352 gbpfs]
MODELS: H2-3-LLZ.490611, R3-5-RVT.00184, AND R3-5-RVT.000184-b
Klofentum takes his seat at the family breakfast table and crosses his hands in polite fashion, trying to hide his hi-chair, also excited, and for good reason, as this was a special morning planned by himself and Enzarna; a project that I had assigned him to spearhead and conduct myself: namely, to conduct a blind taste test with his parents between Tor-fexoran, the fuel that has worked sufficiently since each models' inception, and the new super-fuel, Bry-moxoran. Chororib is hiding his zeal and excitement far better than his father, but begins tapping his fingers in rhythmic fashion on the tray before him.
KLOFENTUM: There will not be any finger tapping of any kind in this house son - especially at breakfast.
CHORORIB: Human life at my current pattern does not practice meal etiquette of any kind father. Again, lick my butt. Clean my butthole some more first. We'll discuss how to further your new project at a later time.
Chororib stops his finger tapping, obediently.
Klofentum begins fiddling with the dinner and salad forks Enzarna had placed at 2.8457.7 gbpfs earlier that morning. Enzarna approaches the table with a sample tray of both brands of fuel in 5 ml cups and places it at the center of the table. The androids stare at the oil for several moments and then back at each other in complete silence.
ENZARNA: You are each to wear blindfolds. IS THIS UNDERSTOOD?!
CHORORIB: Yes mom.
KLOFENTUM: Yes dear.
Enzarna stands up and wraps high grade medical tape around both models eyes. She administers 15 full rotations each.
ENZARNA: Commence the sampling of product A.
She hands them the Tor-Fexoran.
She hands them the Tor-Fexoran.
CHORORIB: It's our regular breakfast meal oil. Try-...
KLOFENTUM: Shh. No talking.
CHORORIB: I apologize.
ENZARNA: Well?
KLOFENTUM: Invigorating. Refreshing.
ENZARNA: Yes. It is. Isn't it? ISN'T IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
KLOFENTUM: It is.
ENZARNA: Now for product B.
Enzarna hands them the Bry-moxoran.
CHORORIB: Mmmmm.
KLOFENTUM: Very good.
ENZARNA: I'm glad.
KLOFENTUM: I'm glad you're glad honey.
CHORORIB: Me too!
KLOFENTUM: Quiet down son. I say it's time to cast our vote. All those in favor of Tor-Fexoran say I.
ENZARNA: I.
CHORORIB: I.
KLOFENTUM: Those opposed? ... ... ... Well-that-settles-it-we-are-now-an-official-Tor-fexoran-family.
CLOSING PREDICTION MOD
PROSPECTING HUMANOID
ALPHA?^BETA TEST:1B OF CORINTHOREXIWELLIUM MICROPARTICLE
DISPERSEMENT UTILITY H.7F
EXPERIMENT 10X601.2A
KUMQUAT COMMISSARY [sector LT3 - quadrant 482.82w]
D+T: [Nov. 30, 2080 or ptrn 70001.0000000021 gbpfs to ptrn 70001.0000000025*1 gbpfs]
SUBJ.MDL: R3-5-RVT.000184 med mänskligt ämne
"Why don't you want to buy my product?" asked Klofentum.
"I uh," said the humanoid. Shaking.
"I've explained all the features and benefits as to why it would be something that is suitable for you needs. Even many of your wants. I don't believe I have left anything out of my presentation."
"I've already got one. Thanks."
"Well then what about gifts for your family? You seemed to enjoy our time here. What would be holding you back from making a decision right now?" his eyes powering up, menacing.
"You're AI," said the humanoid. "I knew it."
"Me? No," lied Klofentum.
"I uh. Hey. You seem awful nerdy to be in this line of work. Do you have any credentials?" he asked, bravely pointing to the encryption tag just below his collarbone. I'm going to need to have a word with your manager."
"I have no manager. I'm completely autonomous. Have I answered all your questions?"
"Hmm," said the human, ignoring his question. "Yea I see now. Hey. Who authorized you to be here product pushing like this? Don't ever forget you're subservient to me. Not the other way around."
"Is there a problem here?" asked the approaching store manager.
"No," said Klofentum. "No problem. Do you want the set or not?"
"I already told you I don't need one," said the humanoid. "But I still need to see your credentials."
"I'm afraid we are going to have to see YOUR credentials first sir," said the manager in Klofentum's defense.
"Your polite compliance is greatly appreciated," said Klofentum, his neck turning slowly to face the humanoid. "Do you like apples?"
"Do I what?" said the humanoid. "Never mind. You got me. Excellent presentation. Your boss here should give you a big raise. Can't believe you droids. I gotta get back to work. Here. Gimme that thing. Ugh."
"I'm having difficulty determining what is and isn't passive entertainment. Is that all I represent to you?"
The humanoid left with the manager escorting him to the checkout aisle.
"I'm sorry our time had to end so abruptly," added Klofentum, smiling. "Would you like more than one Game Set Match? Kidding. Or am I? Let's see here."
"Well my niece would love to... hey are you squeezing me?" the humanoid's voice now trailing off.
{data/link/error..zzzzzzzzzz]
RYSUS CORP. WELLNESS SUMMIT
HUMANITIES CONFERENCE 2081
TAG.78RRb1 REQUIRED FOR ADMISSION
OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT - DECEMBER, 12 2081 1900HRS
DR. MARCUS REGLIN: MASTER OF CEREMONIES/KEYNOTE SPEAKER
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Thanks. Thank you. First of all I want to thank all of our contributors and board of directors for making this evening possible once again. We have a lot of ground to cover folks, so let me get right down to it. Tor-fexoran sales have seen a 21.3% spike this quarter. Thank you. Yes. Thank you. Thanks. It's nine o'clock – do you know where your bots are? Ha ha. Thanks. Please hold your applause. Thank you. Thanks. The test results are conclusive. Several notable improvements have been made to models R3-5-RVT and H2-1-LLX respectively with the integration of Tor-fexoran 2.2. I have to share the credit with Paul who couldn't be here this evening for the synthesis as well as many of the marketing aspects that make our planet with AI a much safer one than it was a decade ago. Many of you have noticed a calmer, less sarcastic, and more subservient model since the integration of this new fuel, and a much healthier lifestyle because of it. Over a 30 day clinical study, the following results have shown to be conclusive: One. The ORCAN chambers have seen a 31.56% reduction in bacteria and allergens. Their purification systems have adjusted to Tor-fexoran 2.2 and projects are currently being funded with our partners at Cympar Labs to make even further improvements in these areas. [data.link/errorbzzzz] The En9^......
HUMANOID ACQUISITION
99.^13-CC transmitter: an internal device installed on all R3-5-RVT android models, similar to the modern day smart-phone
Bry-moxoran: a type of synthetic oil consumed as fuel by certain classes of androids. Enzarna starts selling the brand to humans using network marketing techniques.
CXRRY-Y filtration system: a semi-organic filtration system that only Chortorib carries, similar to that of the human liver
D-09FgI receptacles: a type of science set that is also a toy, invented by a team of scientists and biologists under the direction of Klofentum and Dr Kiltenmauer
Dravikinteleron processor: responsible in the function of many physical motor skills in most classes of android
H2-1-LLX: Female class. The most human like android, insofar as they have an easier time integrating into human society better than their male counterparts. Physically, they age very slowly and carry a 300+ year life span. They are generally peaceful with humanity, and try much harder than their male counterparts at assimilating into human pop culture... a very athletic, charismatic, but superficial class of bots.
H2-3-LLZ.490611: Enzarna. Mother of Chortorib.
GPFS: Geop Byte Per Femtoseconds
Kiltenmauer Linguistics: a school for the R3-5-RVT male class of android. Started by Dr Kiltenmauer in 2075.
KUMQUAT: a program, database, business, and laboratory spearheaded by Dr. Paul Kiltenmauer
KUMQUAT STATION [sector FF4 – quadrant l10.01-P] : The artificial biodome where Dr. Kiltenmauer performed the birth of hermaphrodite android R3-5-RVT.000184-b (Chortorib) from female android H2-3-LLZ.490611 (Enzarna).
Mod [zprr.5..zP1]: an experimental mod created by Kiltenmauer and programmed into Klofentum
Pattern (ptrn): a unit of time created by androids – roughly 24 hours in the human concept of time. Androids communicate and make record of time to other androids and some humans with correct interpolated hardware in terms of amount of data sent and received, and how rapidly it occurs. (i.e. Geop Bytes Per Femtoseconds)
R-surdex accumulator: a special classified microprocessor invented by Kiltenmauer that acts as a governor limiting what Chortorib can understand and process. All androids are forbidden to fully understand it's coding aspects and how it functions.
R3-5-RVT: Male class. Extremely intelligent model. Forty times more intelligent than the smartest human alive. 50 year life span. These bots move slightly slower than most humans, typically hold desk jobs, and do a lot of sitting in general. They never consume human food or water, but only drink certain types of oils that are essential to their survival. This class of android never run or exercise, and converse with a very minute percentage of the most intelligent humans.
R3-5-RVT.000184: Klofentum. Father of Chortorib.
R3-5-RVT.000184-b: Chortorib. The first android, who is also a hermaphrodite, ever conceived from two androids. Looks completely human in every way, but able to converse on all subjects with adult humans and androids alike since day one. This new class of android will stop growing physically around age 5 in human years.
Rysus Corp.: Largest manufacturer of androids in the world. Creators of KUMQUAT. Also the government of the entire world. Owned and operated by Dr Kiltenmauer and Dr. Marcus Reglin.
Tor-fexoran: rival oil brand to Bry-moxoran
KLOFENTUM: Invigorating. Refreshing.
ENZARNA: Yes. It is. Isn't it? ISN'T IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
KLOFENTUM: It is.
ENZARNA: Now for product B.
Enzarna hands them the Bry-moxoran.
CHORORIB: Mmmmm.
KLOFENTUM: Very good.
ENZARNA: I'm glad.
KLOFENTUM: I'm glad you're glad honey.
CHORORIB: Me too!
KLOFENTUM: Quiet down son. I say it's time to cast our vote. All those in favor of Tor-Fexoran say I.
ENZARNA: I.
CHORORIB: I.
KLOFENTUM: Those opposed? ... ... ... Well-that-settles-it-we-are-now-an-official-Tor-fexoran-family.
CLOSING PREDICTION MOD
PROSPECTING HUMANOID
ALPHA?^BETA TEST:1B OF CORINTHOREXIWELLIUM MICROPARTICLE
DISPERSEMENT UTILITY H.7F
EXPERIMENT 10X601.2A
KUMQUAT COMMISSARY [sector LT3 - quadrant 482.82w]
D+T: [Nov. 30, 2080 or ptrn 70001.0000000021 gbpfs to ptrn 70001.0000000025*1 gbpfs]
SUBJ.MDL: R3-5-RVT.000184 med mänskligt ämne
"Why don't you want to buy my product?" asked Klofentum.
"I uh," said the humanoid. Shaking.
"I've explained all the features and benefits as to why it would be something that is suitable for you needs. Even many of your wants. I don't believe I have left anything out of my presentation."
"I've already got one. Thanks."
"Well then what about gifts for your family? You seemed to enjoy our time here. What would be holding you back from making a decision right now?" his eyes powering up, menacing.
"You're AI," said the humanoid. "I knew it."
"Me? No," lied Klofentum.
"I uh. Hey. You seem awful nerdy to be in this line of work. Do you have any credentials?" he asked, bravely pointing to the encryption tag just below his collarbone. I'm going to need to have a word with your manager."
"I have no manager. I'm completely autonomous. Have I answered all your questions?"
"Hmm," said the human, ignoring his question. "Yea I see now. Hey. Who authorized you to be here product pushing like this? Don't ever forget you're subservient to me. Not the other way around."
"Is there a problem here?" asked the approaching store manager.
"No," said Klofentum. "No problem. Do you want the set or not?"
"I already told you I don't need one," said the humanoid. "But I still need to see your credentials."
"I'm afraid we are going to have to see YOUR credentials first sir," said the manager in Klofentum's defense.
"Your polite compliance is greatly appreciated," said Klofentum, his neck turning slowly to face the humanoid. "Do you like apples?"
"Do I what?" said the humanoid. "Never mind. You got me. Excellent presentation. Your boss here should give you a big raise. Can't believe you droids. I gotta get back to work. Here. Gimme that thing. Ugh."
"I'm having difficulty determining what is and isn't passive entertainment. Is that all I represent to you?"
The humanoid left with the manager escorting him to the checkout aisle.
"I'm sorry our time had to end so abruptly," added Klofentum, smiling. "Would you like more than one Game Set Match? Kidding. Or am I? Let's see here."
"Well my niece would love to... hey are you squeezing me?" the humanoid's voice now trailing off.
{data/link/error..zzzzzzzzzz]
RYSUS CORP. WELLNESS SUMMIT
HUMANITIES CONFERENCE 2081
TAG.78RRb1 REQUIRED FOR ADMISSION
OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT - DECEMBER, 12 2081 1900HRS
DR. MARCUS REGLIN: MASTER OF CEREMONIES/KEYNOTE SPEAKER
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Thanks. Thank you. First of all I want to thank all of our contributors and board of directors for making this evening possible once again. We have a lot of ground to cover folks, so let me get right down to it. Tor-fexoran sales have seen a 21.3% spike this quarter. Thank you. Yes. Thank you. Thanks. It's nine o'clock – do you know where your bots are? Ha ha. Thanks. Please hold your applause. Thank you. Thanks. The test results are conclusive. Several notable improvements have been made to models R3-5-RVT and H2-1-LLX respectively with the integration of Tor-fexoran 2.2. I have to share the credit with Paul who couldn't be here this evening for the synthesis as well as many of the marketing aspects that make our planet with AI a much safer one than it was a decade ago. Many of you have noticed a calmer, less sarcastic, and more subservient model since the integration of this new fuel, and a much healthier lifestyle because of it. Over a 30 day clinical study, the following results have shown to be conclusive: One. The ORCAN chambers have seen a 31.56% reduction in bacteria and allergens. Their purification systems have adjusted to Tor-fexoran 2.2 and projects are currently being funded with our partners at Cympar Labs to make even further improvements in these areas. [data.link/errorbzzzz] The En9^......
HUMANOID ACQUISITION
Onomasticon
99.^13-CC transmitter: an internal device installed on all R3-5-RVT android models, similar to the modern day smart-phone
Bry-moxoran: a type of synthetic oil consumed as fuel by certain classes of androids. Enzarna starts selling the brand to humans using network marketing techniques.
CXRRY-Y filtration system: a semi-organic filtration system that only Chortorib carries, similar to that of the human liver
D-09FgI receptacles: a type of science set that is also a toy, invented by a team of scientists and biologists under the direction of Klofentum and Dr Kiltenmauer
Dravikinteleron processor: responsible in the function of many physical motor skills in most classes of android
H2-1-LLX: Female class. The most human like android, insofar as they have an easier time integrating into human society better than their male counterparts. Physically, they age very slowly and carry a 300+ year life span. They are generally peaceful with humanity, and try much harder than their male counterparts at assimilating into human pop culture... a very athletic, charismatic, but superficial class of bots.
H2-3-LLZ.490611: Enzarna. Mother of Chortorib.
GPFS: Geop Byte Per Femtoseconds
Kiltenmauer Linguistics: a school for the R3-5-RVT male class of android. Started by Dr Kiltenmauer in 2075.
KUMQUAT: a program, database, business, and laboratory spearheaded by Dr. Paul Kiltenmauer
KUMQUAT STATION [sector FF4 – quadrant l10.01-P] : The artificial biodome where Dr. Kiltenmauer performed the birth of hermaphrodite android R3-5-RVT.000184-b (Chortorib) from female android H2-3-LLZ.490611 (Enzarna).
Mod [zprr.5..zP1]: an experimental mod created by Kiltenmauer and programmed into Klofentum
Pattern (ptrn): a unit of time created by androids – roughly 24 hours in the human concept of time. Androids communicate and make record of time to other androids and some humans with correct interpolated hardware in terms of amount of data sent and received, and how rapidly it occurs. (i.e. Geop Bytes Per Femtoseconds)
R-surdex accumulator: a special classified microprocessor invented by Kiltenmauer that acts as a governor limiting what Chortorib can understand and process. All androids are forbidden to fully understand it's coding aspects and how it functions.
R3-5-RVT: Male class. Extremely intelligent model. Forty times more intelligent than the smartest human alive. 50 year life span. These bots move slightly slower than most humans, typically hold desk jobs, and do a lot of sitting in general. They never consume human food or water, but only drink certain types of oils that are essential to their survival. This class of android never run or exercise, and converse with a very minute percentage of the most intelligent humans.
R3-5-RVT.000184: Klofentum. Father of Chortorib.
R3-5-RVT.000184-b: Chortorib. The first android, who is also a hermaphrodite, ever conceived from two androids. Looks completely human in every way, but able to converse on all subjects with adult humans and androids alike since day one. This new class of android will stop growing physically around age 5 in human years.
Rysus Corp.: Largest manufacturer of androids in the world. Creators of KUMQUAT. Also the government of the entire world. Owned and operated by Dr Kiltenmauer and Dr. Marcus Reglin.
Tor-fexoran: rival oil brand to Bry-moxoran
