A friendship of 16 years lost. I cannot support or be there for someone who is saying "pity me" to everyone after neglecting their son, leaving him in his crib for hours and over a day at a time even, and having the state finally take him away. Someone who won't get help and better her own life. I'm heartbroken for that child, our years of friendship, and I will not continue a friendship under such circumstances. I was busy for a few days and got told my friendship wasn't good enough. After I kept her company and tried to be the best friend that I could lately. I have my own life and I need to focus on me. I went around congress and dropped off at least 30 applications. I'm looking for a job. I'm trying to better myself. I was exhausted. I can't be at someones beck and call daily.


Its snowing right now. we're supposed to get at least a foot of snow. I can't wait until spring. Got to hang out with Steph before the big storm at least.

Life is depressing right now. Trying to stay positive. I really hope I hear from the boy soon. I could use someone to enjoy the snow with and just lay and snuggle. I honestly hate admitting this to myself. I am falling for him. didnt want to. He doesn't have a clue sadly. I wont tell him in fear of him running away. I have felt something from the moment I first met him and saw him. He's put up with so much from me the past year. I'd back away from him and he always took our friendship back. I would kill to show him what something real is. I want him to open up to me. I don't want him to live his life not having someone who would love every ounce of him. If only he would give me a chance. I'm slowly trying. I wish I could slip the words "I love you" out of my mouth to him. Without the fear and neglect after.

 Life is such a pickled mess right now. Trying not to cry.