"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I can't tell you how long it's been since my last confession. All I can tell you is that I have not lived a........."

Who am I kidding? We all know that I have never stepped foot in a confession booth, nor am I Catholic. I'm just another watered-down Christian, like the rest of you. Sure, there may be a few of you who live a truly Christian life but let's face it folks, most of us fall well short of His glory. In fact, we all do, no matter how Christian you try to be.

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Sure, most of us believe in God. But it's not enough to just believe. We go to church, we pray. Well, I don't really go to church but I've been there a few times, and prayers are few and far between. More often than not, those prayers are selfish. "Dear Lord, if you could just let me win the lottery, I'd be forever in your debt. I hate my job, I hate stressing over these bills. I've worked so hard my whole life and have nothing to show for it. I can't go on living this way. I deserve a break, my family deserves a better life. Please God just....."

Sound familiar? Yeah.

We ALL are sinners. We lie. We cheat. We steal. We judge. Boy, do we ever judge! We live a false life. Facebook couldn't be more evident of just how fake we really are. We're hypocrites, each and everyone one of us. We hate. We idolize. Greed rules us all. We shoot, we maim and we kill. We are filled with lust. It is force fed to us through every commercial, every ad, every TV show or movie. Even our sporting events are sexy. It's all around us, feeding our inner-most perversions.

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It is a never-ending cycle, our sins, passed down from one generation to the next, becoming more and more accepted as the norm with each generation. Gays are more widely accepted, even within the Catholic church. Marijuana is on the verge of becoming legal. There isn't a thing in the world that sex doesn't sell.

There are those of us who are filled with doubt, myself included. "Just show me He is real and then I'll know for sure if I must seek salvation. Until then, I'm going to live life MY way." Stubborn fools we are. "Who's to say that what is in the bible is God's word when the bible was written by men. History has shown us time and time again that man is not to be trusted."

There is much left to doubt for many of us. It's maddening.

As I've grown older I have became more aware of just how sinful we really are. I've taken more notice of what's going on all over the world and it's raising some eyebrows. When you take Revelations from the bible and compare it to today's world, you come across some mind-blowing results. But still, one has to wonder, every generation before us believed they were living in the end times, yet they are still here. They never suffered the end of the world. What makes our generation any different?

Is it too coincidental that we have Ebola threatening to plague the world, as was predicted in the bible? It was foretold that all Christians were to be persecuted and beheaded and now we have ISIS doing just that. Prophecy tells us that there will be war and the threat of war. Brother against brother, nation against nation. And wouldn't you know it, that is exactly what is going on in the world today. Russia, the United States, Libya, Ukraine, Afghanistan, Iraq, Israel, the list goes on.

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I don't know if the world events are biblical, for no one knows the day He will come, not one. All I know is that what ever is happening cannot be ignored. Whether it is indeed biblical prophecy unfolding or if it is just mankind destroying this world on its own, it demands attention.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I feel I'm being pulled into something that is beyond my understanding. Wherever I am going, I'm afraid it only leads to more questions. I feel I'm just living as a slave. I want out of this life. I want free. There's got to be more meaning in life than just working and struggling with bills. There is no room for joy when you spend life as a slave.

Is He calling to me? Or is this blog post just a call for help....an invitation for someone to reach out to me? Is it God's will that I wrote this post, or was it just an act of impulse? These are all questions that no one can answer, not even myself. We all tell ourselves that whatever happens, happens for a reason. Is that something we just tell ourselves as a means to cope, or are we really living out God's will?

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I find it difficult to move forward so blindly with faith. I know I am not alone, which isn't too comforting. According to the bible there is a special place for us who lack faith. I don't know about you but I don't want to go down that road, if such a road even exists.

There are about 4200 different religions in the world. How do you pick one? How do you know which one is the only true religion? Or is religion just a means of control? These are all questions I ask myself constantly. Again, I know I'm not alone.

In addition to all this doubt there lies a fear of living in faith. How much of our lifestyle must we give up in order to be saved? It's no secret that I enjoy a beer or 6 on a regular basis. It's also no secret that I enjoy a toke or several quite frequently. Do I have to give those things up for salvation? Those are things I'm not willing to part with so easily.

I think it's obvious I have come to a difficult point in my life, one with potential life-changing consequences, no matter which path I choose.



Comments are open for discussion, please feel free to contribute your thoughts.

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