So I have searched everywhere and I am tired!
I have searched for it in my office drawer, my car, the boot, beneath my seat , my closet, unpacking all my old stuff labelled "you too old for the stuff", I couldnt find it. I guess I have hidden it somewhere, at a safe place, and i cant remember where. I find an old album - I see myself hideous as always with an uncaring smile. I turn the leaflets like a pack of cards and still no beginners luck.I cant seem to find it. Throwing out my old pile of clothes i cant find anything but a blood stained t shirt that says 'Happy'.
I am pissed now. I start throwing out things. Where is it hidden. Where the fuck is it! No sign of it in my old certificate folder nor my box full of rusted trophies. My kit bag has a cobweb and a colony of ants but no treasure map for my Monte Cristo. The books though torn seem perfectly new - whose books are these I shout out and the echo is an old dark voice too hollow to be mine. I am frustrated enough to call my friends, my family and my girl friend, I ask frantically "Do you know where it is". They all say "We know" and all give different answers.I start searching all the places, I am pessimistic coz i know that they have never known where it was but still got nothing better to do but to look. I search my scars, my hand, but no line points to it.
I am tired. I am sweating. I want to cry but never have been able to. I pick up the phone. I know I somebody who would know where it is.
I call myself. I hear a busy tone on the other end. I try again and again but to no avail. I know he has nothing to do but why does he seem so busy. I wanna talk to him, ask him where it is. I know he is the only person who will know. But he never picks up. Never picks up!
I guess I will keep looking coz they tell me that I am alive. So I will keep looking till I find it. And find it if I may, I will never hide it again, i will never lose sight of it, I will live it, I will live MY LIFE.
I have searched for it in my office drawer, my car, the boot, beneath my seat , my closet, unpacking all my old stuff labelled "you too old for the stuff", I couldnt find it. I guess I have hidden it somewhere, at a safe place, and i cant remember where. I find an old album - I see myself hideous as always with an uncaring smile. I turn the leaflets like a pack of cards and still no beginners luck.I cant seem to find it. Throwing out my old pile of clothes i cant find anything but a blood stained t shirt that says 'Happy'.
I am pissed now. I start throwing out things. Where is it hidden. Where the fuck is it! No sign of it in my old certificate folder nor my box full of rusted trophies. My kit bag has a cobweb and a colony of ants but no treasure map for my Monte Cristo. The books though torn seem perfectly new - whose books are these I shout out and the echo is an old dark voice too hollow to be mine. I am frustrated enough to call my friends, my family and my girl friend, I ask frantically "Do you know where it is". They all say "We know" and all give different answers.I start searching all the places, I am pessimistic coz i know that they have never known where it was but still got nothing better to do but to look. I search my scars, my hand, but no line points to it.
I am tired. I am sweating. I want to cry but never have been able to. I pick up the phone. I know I somebody who would know where it is.
I call myself. I hear a busy tone on the other end. I try again and again but to no avail. I know he has nothing to do but why does he seem so busy. I wanna talk to him, ask him where it is. I know he is the only person who will know. But he never picks up. Never picks up!
I guess I will keep looking coz they tell me that I am alive. So I will keep looking till I find it. And find it if I may, I will never hide it again, i will never lose sight of it, I will live it, I will live MY LIFE.
