Death is this scary yet complex thing that we encounter along our journey and its life changing for most. Lately, there are have been too many exceptional people leaving our conjoining paths, headed to whatever happens next. This can be some version of a memoriam, but a check point to what all this means.



There are few people I place at the highest pedestal, and when there is a loss of someone of great height, the effects are epic. The same drop can be felt for family of best friends, partners to great buddies, and co workers from long ago. The impact of their departure sizzles the line of those left behind, and for a moment, the electricity of life becomes unstable. Their end is a down to zero experience, making you vibe onto a gauntlet of emotions.

I have a strong memory of a co worker from one of my first really happy retail environments that I still think of to this day.  She was young, funny, and powerful. Her work ethic was infectious and I found her to be of great strength. She also was a young mother, who was figuring it out as she went. During our time, we laughed a lot, as most people around yours truly do. ( hello self esteem) Soon, we were both onto bigger things, moving up and around trying to gain that next level success. Not long after, I heard she had passed away of a hard fought battle with cancer. I thought immediately of her young daughter, and still do. She was going to grow up without fully knowing her incredible mother and what she was able to drive. We never saw each other after we parted ways, we didn't text or call (I'm famous for that one) but  her departure was a early glimpse at what that final curtain would be like, was and still is , monumental.


Recently, there have been 3 major losses hitting back to back to back. One, a smart kind husband to another previous co worker turned best buddy. He was the smartest person in the room but never made you feel stupid. He had backpacked out of Poland some years ago, and had made an remarkable  life here in the states for not only himself, but a wife and two kids. You know , the America we are trying to erase and make great again. Another loss was of a father to a man that is like a brother ( Okay, more like sister really). He was bigger than life, and the room was drawn to him no matter the crowd. There was a simplicity but he wasn't dumb. There was charm, wit, and kindness.... things I know he gave my friend ten folds. The third, was the mother of said friend, and a colossal impact. Its not my intent to give voice to someone else's pain, grief or own experience, but I can connect the dots from one to another. There is a nearly extinct southern woman of small stature but an immense amount of sass and power. She was of a generation where we pretended the man was in charge, but she held all the strings. There was kindness but was not to be messed with,  and there was confidence but also humility that gave comfort to strangers . There have been previous posts about what these women did for me, and with every passing, there are fewer and fewer. I can't say I was in her company no more than a half dozen times, but there was love, and it doesn't take a life time to feel that.

Finally, the passing of my own father. The history is too long and unfair to exploit now. His death last year was in fact a major shift in the pathway and has since caused a ripple throughout . There was limited joy in our lives during his time on earth, and again, its no longer a scene to be played out. The truth is, it has made me into someone else and now  I am able to let you inside , somewhere and something I have hardly expressed to anyone outside of my close circle. I not only found peace ( as I hope he has ) but a since of relief that the long battle of hate, anger, frustration, disappointment and uncertainly is finally over. I worked hard to get beyond whatever lay between us for years, and was able to find a place where we both could live our lives, and it not be nasty. Now, let me crystal clear, I take no joy in his death nor any attempt to shuffle anyone else in their own dealing with it. I do however want you to know that its important to deal with whatever you have against another now, not to wait it out for time or say those dreaded words "never". I dealt with my shit, his shit , and was able to regret nothing when he left. There is truth to power , and when you speak directly to it, everything changes. I wanted forever as a kid to find his acceptance, kindness, and literally a gift that would represent some version of connectivity. Now, after his end , he has projected me into a better place, jolted me down the road to better. He gave me little in life, but a tremendous lesson in death, something I can thank him for, and he can rest easier, his son is electrified and flourishing.


You can probably divide your life into sharp edged corners . There was high school you, first love you, second marriage you, and before and afters to lost love ones. I like to think of them as Life Partitions . There are versions of ourselves, and there are hard right turns with mile markers of death. There is a rebirth to it all, and perhaps that is some form of a gift the leaving soul can give. The goal is to be a better person right? We are all trying to figure out how to love more, care more, show a bit of kindness, lose weight, improve our lives from the generations before us. When there is sorrow, and heartbreak, there is a light that stems out of the backside. Life does in fact go on, and while they aren't sitting next to you on the train any longer, they have left you with something, and its your job to figure out what that is.