A few weeks ago, I applied to a higher-end client for a freelance Writing job. I do freelance writing on the side, which means lots of reaching out not knowing what type of response I’m going to get. This one application, however, dealt me one of the hardest rejections I’ve ever faced.

Most of the time when you apply for a writing gig, people who aren’t interested in you will simply ignore your application. Every once in a while a short-form rejection will come back that says “hey, we liked your application, but are going to go with someone else.” Personally, I don’t mind either response.

However, this one dropped one little sentence on me that nagged me to my core. They said something to the effect of “we set a high bar for writing ability and you don’t meet it.” I think it bothered me because it was so blunt. This particular editor could have just said something like “no thanks,” but instead decided to attack my writing skills.

It reminded me of those people who audition for shows like The Voice or American Idol. The people who have been told all of their life that they are amazing singers by people who don’t want to hurt their feelings. So, I did what any self-deprecating-glutton-for-punishment writer would do: I asked this person what specifically about my writing made them feel that way.

Remember, this was a high-end client for a very popular website. A part of me knew that I wasn’t quite ready to go after this job, but I jumped headfirst into it because I realized that, if I don’t take a shot at something like that once in a while, I’ll never reach the next level. When I asked this person why they felt that way about my writing, I never expected a response. I figured someone in that position was too busy to respond to such a thing.

Boy, was I wrong.

What followed was a three paragraph critique of my writing in, what I felt was, a non-constructive way. I guess I thought that, if I did get a response, it would be short and tell me something I could do to improve. What I got was a very Simon Cowell-like response that basically said that I use odd word choices. My first reaction was “how the hell am I supposed to work on that?” It hit me to my core and led me through the process for dealing with rejection that I am going to share with you right now.

Don’t Act on Your Initial Reaction

Here’s the thing: I know I’m a good writer. Not only have I had many people tell me that I’m an awesome writer, but I have had several clients who have said such. People pay me to write because they think I’m a good writer. So, when I received this response, my initial reaction was anger.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” I thought. And then it hit me: “Um, hello, this person is an editor for a very successful website. Who the hell do I think *I* am?” I had visions of telling her off in true “bad audition” style. You know the whole: “Screw you, screw you, you’re cool, I’m out” response. Fortunately, I didn’t do that.

I calmed myself and thought about it. Between the time I asked and the original response, fifteen minutes had passed. I knew there was no way that this person could have gotten a good overview of my writing style in that time. When I read her critique again, I realized that she was responding to an article I had written on another blog, one that I didn’t spend a lot of time editing. Which leads me to my next point…

Use the Feedback to Improve Yourself

When I looked at the post they read, I saw exactly what they were saying. It wasn’t particularly well written. I didn’t catch many of the odd word choices that tend to creep into my first drafts. I was using passive language, and that makes an article sound clunky and weird. Basically, she was right…about that particular article.

At first, a rejection might seem to come completely out of left field. After all, if you could see your flaws, you’d fix them. An honest voice, no matter how harsh it may seem, is exactly what you need to grow and be your best self.

A rejection might hurt initially, but, if you keep your cool and learn to be introspective, you can use it to improve yourself. The reason rejection stings so much is because it touches on our insecurities. Every one of us has things that we are insecure about, whether we are aware of it or not. When someone shines a spotlight on those things, the initial reaction will almost always be pain or some form or raw emotion.

A Person’s Assessment of You Says More About Them Than it Does You…But it Still Says a Little About You

One thing you often hear in self help circles is that reality is subjective and that a person’s perception of you is more of an indicator of where they are than where you are. For the most part, this is true. But a truly insightful person can correctly assess things about you.

You shouldn’t outright reject a person’s perception of you or your talent. Sure, this potential client could have phrased their feedback in a more constructive way. But you know what? I’m a grown man. If I can’t handle negative feedback, then I certainly don’t deserve to throw my hat into the freelance writing ring.

The other thing to note is that, while a person may not be 100% accurate in describing you, there will definitely be some truth to what they are saying. What people think of you is an odd mix of their own issues and the way you present yourself to them. Sometimes those two things don’t mix very well, but if you’re willing to be honest with yourself, you will eventually see the little nuggets of truth in their rejection.

Conclusion

If you are trying to improve yourself, then rejection is inevitable. How you handle rejection will determine how much you will grow. I used a particularly harsh rejection to improve my writing. I now specifically look for odd word choices and how I can improve them. Had I not received that rejection, I would never have turned my focus to that. And I feel like my writing has improved because of it.

How will you handle rejection? Will you get militant like “bad audition” American Idol contests? Or will you look for the truths behind it and use it to improve? If you want to get better at what you are doing, then I suggest you do the latter.

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