It always seems that whenever I make grand plans, they suddenly transform in painful, impossible and wonderful ways! It's as if there's a witty, charming, utterly disruptive force in the universe that delights in teaching me, over and over again, that my imagination is too small to make grand plans.
The hardest lesson I've had to learn, relearn, and relearn again, is that my perspective about these transformations seems to determine their disruption. If I can lighten up, and appreciate the small, unanticipated gifts that come with my unplanned life, things usually move fairly quickly into an adventure, or at least something positive.
It's a state somewhere between surrender and embrace -- a shift a healthy child seems to do easily, when faced by a surprise. Instead of saying, "That wasn't my plan!" I am learning to say, "I wonder what this is?" Discovery trumps disappointment.
For example: I lived in a cute little log home by the river, and I was convinced I was destined to buy it. I was so convinced that everyone I met thought I had already bought it! It was almost comical when it turned out that there were at least $40,000 worth of repairs needed. (The things you learn when you live somewhere!) Then the well went dry, and after months of off and on water and weeks of no water at all, it became clear that I had to move. I felt the weight of that story I'd made up as a chain binding me to the house, a perception that had lost any connection to practical reality, especially in the face of a landlord who could somehow make no progress towards restoring a liveable situation.
I was angry and sad, and felt betrayed. But when I looked around, and found a wonderful new house, with more room and more light, I began to realize how that chain was entirely of my own making -- and when I let it dissolve, I began to discover the benefits of moving. I could separate the people from the problem, and let the log home go, with my blessing. And now I'm discovering a whole new perspective, after working hard to lug my baggage and boxes across town.
What am I planning now? Nothing much -- and a great deal. And all of it with a wry and hopeful sense that the universe has more surprises in store for me....
The hardest lesson I've had to learn, relearn, and relearn again, is that my perspective about these transformations seems to determine their disruption. If I can lighten up, and appreciate the small, unanticipated gifts that come with my unplanned life, things usually move fairly quickly into an adventure, or at least something positive.
It's a state somewhere between surrender and embrace -- a shift a healthy child seems to do easily, when faced by a surprise. Instead of saying, "That wasn't my plan!" I am learning to say, "I wonder what this is?" Discovery trumps disappointment.
For example: I lived in a cute little log home by the river, and I was convinced I was destined to buy it. I was so convinced that everyone I met thought I had already bought it! It was almost comical when it turned out that there were at least $40,000 worth of repairs needed. (The things you learn when you live somewhere!) Then the well went dry, and after months of off and on water and weeks of no water at all, it became clear that I had to move. I felt the weight of that story I'd made up as a chain binding me to the house, a perception that had lost any connection to practical reality, especially in the face of a landlord who could somehow make no progress towards restoring a liveable situation.
I was angry and sad, and felt betrayed. But when I looked around, and found a wonderful new house, with more room and more light, I began to realize how that chain was entirely of my own making -- and when I let it dissolve, I began to discover the benefits of moving. I could separate the people from the problem, and let the log home go, with my blessing. And now I'm discovering a whole new perspective, after working hard to lug my baggage and boxes across town.
What am I planning now? Nothing much -- and a great deal. And all of it with a wry and hopeful sense that the universe has more surprises in store for me....
