Everyone’s headed to the Tower this week for Strictly Come Dancing, apart from poor Alison and Aljaz. They’ll definitely be missed, it’s a shame to see someone go who clearly loved the world of Strictly so much.

Speaking of absences, it’s sad to see Claudia still not back. I hope her daughter is recovering speedily from what sounds like a nightmarish accident.

So, the show begins with an intro of the dancers’ imagined childhoods, spent dreaming of one day reaching the promised land of…Blackpool. However, there’s no time to wonder why Brendan was hanging out in Australia as a nipper, or if Iveta was really crown princess of Lithuania before the professionals are off into their first number, accompanied by a child whose singing is…indescribable. I know you can’t say anything mean about children on Saturday night TV, not even those who are not just murdering a song but are also seemingly tracking down all of its relatives to wreak bloody havoc amongst them too, so let’s just say – sweet little girl in the pretty pink dress, fabulous is not the word. Oh good, she’s stopped. I can only assume that as Iveta led her away, she gave her a few deets on what childhood is really like in Lithuania, and threatened her with a one way ticket unless she stopped her caterwauling.

Frankie & Kevin

After seeing Frankie in the flesh a few weeks ago, I can confirm that…she hasn’t much flesh. I mean, all the female dancers are thin, but Frankie was TINY, so waifish that it’s almost like she wasn’t there at all. She also had a very peculiar presence. When the dancers come onto the floor to perform they usually chat or laugh or run over their steps; Frankie just stood there. It was like she was on sleep mode until the point when the cameras were on her, then she powered back up, danced beautifully and seemed pretty normal. Maybe it’s a stage school thing? If you’re in front of the cameras pretty much as soon as you emerge from the womb, perhaps that’s your comfort zone. I was almost relieved to see her shed a tear or too last week (not in an evil way!), it showed that there was something underneath that elfish exterior.

So, Frank ‘n’ Kev are quick stepping around the Tower ballroom and, happily, it seems that the slightly shaky samba last week hasn’t affected Frankie’s nerves. They cover the floor well with a fast routine and her footwork looks spot on. The bits with the additional dancers work nicely, and it has a really good feel overall.

It’s a hit with the judges, with Bruno becoming nearly apoplectic with delight. Len names it their best dance so far and awards it his first ten of the series.

8, 9, 10, 10 = 37

Jake & Janette

Poor old Jake and Janette, they had a rough time of it with the rhumba last week. I’ve said it before, but the rhumba is such a difficult dance to do well – generally, but particularly for the male celebs. They also took some criticism for their paso the week before. Viewed in the studio, Jake and Janette’s paso doble was exceptional, one of the dances of the night, and it was surprising that the judges didn’t feel the same. So surprising, in fact, that a seemingly mild mannered man next to me in the audience bellowed “I’M NOT ‘AVIN’ THAT!”, Danny Dyer in ‘Enders style, as Craig gave his feedback.

And Janette’s a lucky beast. Not only is she dancing with the delightful Jake, but she spent the whole of the Halloween show smooching with the delectable, and clearly besotted, Aljaz whenever they weren’t on camera. Fair play to her though, she seems like a lovely lady. God, that sounds like something Bruce would say. Also, when she was up on the balcony preparing for her dance, she lifted her leg right up, like RIGHT up, and stood like that for about 4 minutes without even looking like she’d noticed she was doing it. She clearly has leg muscles of titanium. I couldn’t do it for 4 seconds, by which I mean I BET I couldn’t do it for 4 seconds. I totally didn’t try as soon as I got home, simultaneously discover and destroy muscles in my leg that I’d never even heard of before and end up making a screeching noise like the mating call of a wild buffalo as I writhed in agony on the kitchen floor. That definitely wasn’t something that happened.

This week Jake and Janette are taking on the American Smooth and, hopefully, they’ll pull some more jaw-dropping lifts out of the bag. It’s certainly glamorous and dramatic, but it felt a lot safer than we’ve come to expect from Janette’s choreography. However, the judges give good – if confusing (the most ‘Herculean’ American Smooth you’ve seen Craig? Are you sure? I always a good classical reference; that was not a good classical reference) comments. Darcey says it was “sophisticated and stylish” and I’d certainly agree with that. The first 9 of the series from Craig! I will forgive his misuse of the word ‘Herculean’, on this occasion.

9, 9, 9, 9 = 36

Sunetra & Brendan

A samba for these two this week. The samba has totally divided the dancers this year; they seem to deliver either a brilliant or an awful one, so I can understand Sunetra’s initial unease.

I tell you what though, Brendan’s bloody brilliant, isn’t he? This dance started a bit hen-night-in-Blackpool-ish and, with one great leap, he manages to put the ‘art’ back in ‘party’. Unfortunately, Sunetra doesn’t measure up and she looks either too wild and imprecise or clumsy and unsure. It’s been the first dance tonight where bringing in the additional dancers has detracted from, rather than enhanced, the celeb’s performance. The judges praise Sunetra’s energy and vibrancy, but it’s not her best performance. I bloody love Brendan though.

6, 8, 8, 8 = 30

Simon & Kristina

Ooh, an Argentine tango – the first of the series! Coming off the back of a very strong performance last week, I hope Simon’s confident enough to fill this with moodiness and drama. When I saw him in the studio, he was very friendly, having an unfortunate reaction to the Halloween eye make-up they’d slapped on him and much smaller than I expected (I seem to be saying that they were all smaller than I’d expected. I hope I didn’t actually have a psychotic break and watch it on TV, in my party frock, slowly rocking and saying “Oh yes Steve, I’d love to come and massage your arms with tiger balm to soothe them after the show. Karen, of course I’ll become your BFF and be chief bridesmaid at your wedding to Kevin Clifton, that would be delightful. But aren’t you all very small and two dimensionally and made out of pixels?”).

I think this Argentine tango is very, very good indeed. Very precise and atmospheric and it was certainly evident that Simon was leading. The footwork appeared to go perfectly, even the very intricate kick steps and the lifts were excellent – especially the last one where Kristina was left hanging upside down like a very beautiful purple-clad fruitbat.

I found out a few weeks ago that the judges actually see the dances in advance, so that they can plan what they’re going to say, and that disappoints me. I’d quite like for the spontaneous reactions of the judges to be…spontaneous. Nevertheless, they bubble over with praise for Simon and Kristina and give another set of very high marks. Simon is delighted, and it’s a joy to behold.

8, 10, 10, 10 = 38

Judy & Anton

Poor Judy, I wouldn’t like to follow any of tonight’s other performances onto the floor. I also wouldn’t want to follow Anton onto the floor, or anywhere else. On Halloween week, he made some comments to my glamorous companion Becca and I that were not becoming of a gentleman. Long story short, he’s a bit of a sleazehound. If I worked for The Sun, I’d have headlined this bit ‘Boob-B-C: The light entertainment letch’, but I am too much of a lady to go to those sordid depths. Unless a tabloid wants to make me a cash offer for the full story, in which case – call me.

So, a Viennese waltz. Will Judy be able to make even turning round in a circle look like a arduous ordeal? Yes, is the answer, yes she will. It’s hard to complain about her though. When I was there, in her post-dance interview she said “I’m well aware I’m the worst dancer here” (that was when Scott was still in), so it’s not like she’s labouring under delusions of expertise. She is labouring under everything else though, and it’s probably time for this pair to go. I have heard however that she’s receiving the highest number of phone votes every week, so who knows?

4, 6, 7, 7 – 24

Mark & Karen

Seeing Mark live really changed my view of him. Not only was he very friendly to the audience but he was the only one of the celebs to go up to every other dancer before they began and wish them luck. He was also the only one to watch from the balcony throughout every other dance and the judging and give rapturous applause and shout encouragement. He was also absolutely shorting himself. For about 15 minutes before he performed he was shaking, hyperventilating and sweating like Dapper Laughs during his Newsnight interview. I’m not sure if he gets that scared every week or whether he was especially nervous about his jive, but it was quite upsetting to see. He’s obviously very popular though; lots of other dancers came to give him encouragement and Brendan, Aljaz and Kevin walked him down the stairs to try and reassure him. He seemed like a great bloke who is not at all confident about his ability.

They’ve got the Charleston this week, and it’s magic themed AND very good. Mark and Karen are perfectly in sync and the whole thing feels very fun. I’m not expert, but he also seems to bring the swivel which has eluded so many of the others. The lifts are very proficient and the character of the Charleston is there throughout.

Again, the judges wax lyrical and Craig’s praise even earns a kiss from our perky, perspiring Essex boy.

9, 9, 9, 9 = 36

Pixie & Trent

Now, I’m no Pixie fan. That’s it, no ‘but’, I just wanted to make it clear that I’d rather have a Blackpool donkey over for drinks than hang with Prixie. However, it was only when I saw her on Halloween week that I realised she was as dumb as a box of sequins. She attempted to make small talk with some of the audience before the first group dance by asking them how long they’d queued to get seats, then just gazed vacuously into space before responding “Wow. 6 o’clock in…this morning?”. Given that this conversation took place at 5pm, this was pretty stupid. However, whilst someone being an idiot is no reason to dislike them, she was also rude. She didn’t stand with the other dancers before they were on and didn’t speak to anyone – not even Trent. So, boo to you Pixie, boo.

They’re doing a paso doble this week, which I’m sure will give her lots of opportunities to (yawn) kick her leg up. I guarantee that if this pair ever have a badly scored week, they’ll be straight off.

A nicely done and well performed paso. Is she the bull or the cape? Unfortunately she didn’t get gored by any of those insipid gladiators, so I’m guessing cape.

The judges all toss off about her, as you’d expect. Darcey does comment – paraphrasing a little here – that she needs to stop messing about with her boring leg kicks and do something with her arms too, but as good scores as you’d expect.

9, 9, 10, 10 = 38

Steve & Ola

Sigh. A tough few weeks for these two. Is Ola a horrible bully? Is Steve a big wimp? Is, as James Jordan’s twitter feed suggests, it all a big ploy for the BBC to get shot of Ola? I don’t know and I don’t really need to know. Some partners aren’t going to get on as well as others, some couples are going to be wildly getting it on as soon as they get their training shoes on, but it doesn’t impact on the show. Steve seems like a good guy and I hope that the stories in the press have been nonsense, but fair play to both he and Ola for acting like professionals and not making a meal of it.

Another American smooth, and I’m anticipating some good lifts here. Steve is looking smoking hot and the performance begins with a very moody atmosphere. It’s a different feel for an American smooth, but it works nicely and is well executed. It might be in my imagination, but the audience seem slightly more subdued in their reaction than they have been for other dancers. I very much hope the press nonsense doesn’t cost them their place in the competition.

7, 8, 8, 8 = 31

Caroline & Pasha

These two were in the dance-off last week and are hoping their jive will save them. Maybe it’s because other viewers suffer from Caroline blindness, like I do. I think she’s good and I think Pasha’s excellent, but I always forget she’s in the competition, every single week. And whenever she’s danced, it immediately goes right out of my mind. Now, this is my affliction, no fault of hers, but maybe it’s not just me? I can tell you her boyfriend is/looks very, very young. He was on the front row on Halloween night and I thought he was one of Jake’s sons until Caz started snogging him during a break.

Strangely, Caroline looks more confident dancing by herself than in hold with Pasha, but it’s still a good performance, very bouncy and fleet of foot.

The judges bring out the big scores AGAIN! Blackpool’s certainly added a few additional points to the paddles!

9, 9, 9, 10 = 37

Very close tonight, with some excellent dances to choose from. Surely Judy has to go? We’ll find out tomorrow!

The post Tens all round! The judges break out the big scores for Blackpool Strictly Come Dancing! appeared first on Strictly Come Dancing.