“I am armed with sarcasm and a truck-load of adjectives; so don’t mess with me!” Camilla loudly whispered at Andrew, trying hard to control the tone of her voice as not to disturb the other students in the library. She was gripping her pen with both hands and it seemed like it would snap in two at any minute due to the intensity of the aggravation she was trying to suppress. She felt that a good amount of blood started to rush up her cheeks as she glared at the bothersome guy who just imperturbably went out of his way to plainly irritate her like he always does.
Camilla knows that she should have gotten used to his nonchalant high jinks by now after two months of habitually being bugged by him, but she just finds herself getting more and more irritated by him everyday especially when she has always liked him since the very first time he struck her with his remarkable almost too perfect face. Every day, at exactly two thirty in the afternoon, she would sit on that very same spot in the library with her homework and then five minutes (up to ten minutes max) later Andrew would come with his mischievous no-fail cracks to annoy her.
“Ok, ok… I’m sorry…” Andrew said holding in a snicker. The adorable smile on his face made Camilla blush even more. He threw his hands in the air to signal defeat as he slowly took a seat on the spot beside her. He reached for Camilla’s tensed hands and gently lowered them to rest on the table. Camilla felt her heart beat double-time as she found herself become tranquil just by the feel of his touch. Every scrap of frustration she felt earlier quickly vanished until all that was left was that appalling pounding on her chest. She felt the air of his breath as he leaned closer to her to investigate what she had finished on her notes so far which made her heart jump an inch out of place. “You’re writing a review on Shakespeare’s plays? Wow, you’re a geek.”
She felt embarrassed but she knew that Andrew used the “geek” word on her as a compliment. She smirked as she pulled away her notes and put it inside her bag. “I’m just preparing for my dream of becoming a great writer someday.” She threw him a smug look and Andrew just scoffed. “Well, good luck with that, Miss Sleepyhead.” Camilla felt something block her throat when she thought of a rhetoric reply to his remark. In the end, no matter how sarcastic or annoyed she was feeling, she couldn’t get herself to say it.
Camilla always disliked losing cope on anything next to her revulsion to trailing behind in an argument. She detested not being able to take full charge of the things she does and the things she feels, but being with Andrew, it was as if there was something else inside her trying to take control of her. Something inside her was able to overthrow the power of her obsessive-compulsive nature and she was not particularly pleased about it.
She could pass up coming at the same time every day. She could simply sit at a different spot. She could just change her routine. She could just completely skip coming to the library altogether to avoid Andrew and his shenanigans, but she just couldn’t get herself to do so. It occurred to Camilla that though she finds him exasperating at times, he still provided the only highlight of her boring college life. Thus, she allowed herself to be annoyed and at the same time entertained by the unusual friendship they share only inside that library from last period till five.
“Will I see you again tomorrow, Camilla?” Andrew would ask her that every day when it was time for her to go, and every time, he would have a serious look on his face which made Camilla want to stay a little longer if only she could.
“Maybe” is the only answer Camilla could give him, but uncertain as her reply is every time, Andrew would smile sweetly with so much hope that they will see each other again. That simple gentle gesture was enough to make Camilla anticipate coming back to that library the next day and, as she secretly hopes, for more days to come.
As more and more days passed, Camilla slowly felt that the feelings that she had for Andrew could no longer be kept. She feared that the relationship between them might change if she ever told him what her heart was trying to convey, but she dreaded that if she doesn’t take the chance to let him know, she’ll never be able to say it. She is certain that Andrew would at any case drift away from her, that’s why she has decided that she will let him know her feelings before anything else.
It would be really easy if they were in a different situation… but the dilemma that they are in is much too complicated. They have started that “friendship” just for the sake of being with a companion. She was lonely…. He was lonely… two lonely people afraid of losing grasp of sanity just like all the other lonely people around them.
She needed someone to comfort her… she needed someone to help her forget about the boredom she was feeling while she waits for the clock to start ticking again… Who would have ever thought that such feelings could develop inside her?
And he needed her…
Someone to talk to… someone to laugh with… someone to make him feel that he isn’t at all invisible while he existed in that stationary box at the middle of the constantly moving world…
That’s all she is for Andrew... and maybe that is all she’ll ever be.
Hush…
The golden rule inside that library…
Hush…
Everyone ignored her existence while they indulged in their own private worlds…
Silent…
Unnoticed…
She existed in a world that wouldn’t acknowledge her…
…But Andrew…
“I love you.”
“What?”
“I’m in love with you, Andrew.”
With a screaming heart, she watched as the bright smile slowly vanished from Andrew’s gentle face.
“I’m sorry, Camilla.”
And with that… it was goodbye…
*** Silent Love Confessions: Library is continued here: Link***
© AmaranthLevana 2010
© AmaranthLevana 2010
