We exist in a world which demand from us on every level. To make something of ourselves, to be an utter success at everything we do. This is not a place to be last in the line, and if you can’t deal with that, then maybe something is wrong with you.

Well, let’s listen to Kaja and what she thinks about these life perspectives which are so common nowadays. How does she approach her life? How does she deal with her inner ego, whose very nature is to pursue, to conquer and to divide?

The story is accompanied by the beatiful paintings of Mechel Gallaway Daniels. She has been gracious and let us show some of her sublime imagery for this story.

The thin line stretched across the abyss

Remember the cartoon Scooby-Doo? One of the episodes tells a story about Smart Velma who proclaims that it’s good to walk in the Middle of the line. This position was the safest place, a location where you would not be attacked for being the first one and you would not disappear for being the last.

The paradox of this advice lies in the fact that it is hard for most of us, to be in the middle. To be in the middle, is to be free of delusion flowing from the extremes. And this means not falling into depression when life doesn’t go as we expected it, and at the same time, not to battle it or force it to bring it onto to this one and only dream track.

Someone could say that being in the middle might be boring. There are no tensions that propel a person forward, no dynamicity, no extremes that spark off shining new ideas and give new directions of action. Someone could risk saying that such life is not life, because not enough “is happening”. Just like my friend whom I served dinner. When he bit into it, I asked, “And how is it?” He replied that “kind of tasteless, not sweet, not sharp or sour … bland.”

Or is it that being in the middle means balancing between extremes? Maybe it is a road that requires constant vigilance and does not create inner tensions. Maybe the middle way is for those who no longer want to burn themselves by balancing between the duality of this world?

Maybe the middle way is the choice for those who know that the hardest thing is to stay relaxed on the thin line stretched over the abyss of one’s own consciousness? Where on the one side you risk to fall, and on the other you might rise up, but ultimately both of the sides expedite the most energy.

 Ego, the shield of the soul

My yoga teacher always said that the advancement of the Soul does not always manifest itself in the personality. On the contrary, the personality can be quite immature in relation to the soul’s experience (gnostic Microcosm). And no wonder, when you think about that the divine soul experiences through personality, it is eternal, having passed through countless bodily incarnations.

The body is a medium for the spirit, thanks to which it receives sensory stimuli, collects experiences, develops itself. What is material, crystalised and hardened by this world, protects what is soft and gentle inside each one of us.

Just like a snail’s shell. Both our human personality, ego and body are certainly louder, stronger, better adapted to the earthly field of life. This is in stark contrast to the ethereal, luminous soul that will always feel alienated in our world.

This alienation is rooted in the Divine Spark (the buddhist Lotus Flower), because there is the source of our divinity, true memories of the place from where we originate, and to which we want will return.

Life like a butterfly’s wings

Is it not it that we conceal our sensitivity beneath the hard shell of our ego? And this is quite absurd since we want to protect what is the most beautiful and sublime. Have you ever hidden your abilities, dreams, your shining light from the world? Such behaviour is always the result of fear, dislike, lack of self-confidence, a certain depression that makes us hide inside our shell.

Researcher, scientist Sergei Lazariev, says that when the love is lacking in the soul, it can not maintain the two opposites, the earthly field of experience with its ups and downs and, on the other hand, the divine field, pure and peaceful. Lazariev goes on to say that when a soul begins to fall into one of the extremes, the process of the loss of love begins, and thus increases aggression and despondency.

In his book “Life like a butterfly’s wings” reminds us, that you should not give up your desires but you should be free of them. This approach determines the way and direction in which our energy is released, that is, it either acts towards our growth or it destroys us, starting with the most subtle layers of our energy field.

Personally, it was very frustrating for me strike a balance between confiding and wanting. Everything that we drag out in time can be disastrous, simply because we get used to it. You have to be able to transfer everything into the silence, the intuitive zone of our existence. And from that place, make a new life.

Abstaining from action is also an act

Why do we refrain from action? Maybe because the rest of our lives is far from easy. And our choices, or the lack of them, are rooted in past pain and trauma. It turned out that looking for, wanting something, desiring anything,  we simply “screwed up”.  And we do not want to repeat it.

I know how easy it is to go to one of the extremes.

There is a moment when the energy of letting go of our control, trusting, pulls us upwards, disintegrates our old norms and structures.  But then comes the moment when this balloon filled with artificial helium bursts, and we crash back down to earth. Flat on our face.

When we are enraptured by new sensations, so enamoured by them that we lose sight of the present. And our energy spikes up and down like Wall Street’s stock charts before the final crash.

It seems to me that it is an essential skill to feel the moment when you can still change something, to retreat, or to keep going, or to let go of the control and let life do the hardest job for us. We might not have the control of the external cirumstamstances that life brings us, but we certainly do  can modify our reactions towards those sudden changes, our attitude towards our inner stock chart.

Voltless presence

When I was still riding horses with my trainer, he always told us to let go, and trust the horse. It  knew exactly how to go jump the obstacle, and my only role was not to interfere. And this is such a beatiful metaphor for a life well lived, the art to be able to live so freely, without forcing it, yet still so alive and fully awake.

An absolute presence.

So you react to what comes your way, but without hysteria or inner drama. Without rigid rules of action or clever schemes of thinking. Pure openness towards life, to its constant fluxuations.

Yes, it requires a great deal of sensitivity to sense these tiny vibrations in the field of our existence, but it is free of tensions, or the brute force which is associated with our ego.

In the Buddhist teachings much is said about what the golden path means, the way to self-discovery. Personally, my Heart glows naturally with this approach, and only observes the extremes but does not fall into them.

I also noticed that when I tensed up, and searched for the cause of the tension – I went to meet his source, ie I crossed the limits of my bodily, mental and spiritual comfort, and the actions that I made, simply exhausted me. The final balance, I was burnt out and exhausted.

Parallel to such situations, I also went into these “soft”, painless, Voltless states. These always managed to massage my aching heart and reunited me with my inner Light.

Life is sruely not about avoiding suffering, but it is also not about rushing headlong into situations that are known to lead to drama, tension, and suffering.

The following parable seemed to me to be the essence of what I wanted to convey and what inspired me to write. I wish for myself and every one of you, let’s be real in our hearts, and take on  of life, in each single moment of it. You have to think with your heart and feel with your head.