Conflict at work can be stressful and leave you feeling unmotivated. Whether it is a clash of personalities or a disagreement in opinion. Conflict with a fellow employee or manager is often unavoidable and stressful.

How do you deal with conflict? Do you deal with it head on, go in all guns blazing or perhaps you avoid it all together.

From my experience I find that most people would avoid confrontation at all costs. The Conflict Avoidance Cycle is a good way to display the ways people view a potential conflict.

Unfortunately, most conflict gets worse when left alone, so the conflict gets to the point at which it must be confronted. Our anxiety causes us to handle the conflict badly, and so perceptions of conflict as something bad are confirmed, and the cycle starts again.

It’s hard to get your self out of this vicious circle. When you avoid something for too long it builds up until you reach boiling point, this is when you can act irrational and say things that shouldn’t be said.

Does this all sound familiar to you?

Have you found yourself trying to dodge a disagreement for an easy life?

Conflict is generally viewed negatively but, it is the root of social and personal change; it is a natural outgrowth of interactions with others and the choices made in those interactions.

 We all have choices in conflict situations, we are all responsible for our own actions, and we can make a difference in our lives and in others’ lives.

“Although conflict is inevitable, it need not, and should not, harm our relationships with others, get out of hand or turn violent.“  R. Lulofs author of Conflict from Theory to Action

One way to improve the way you tackle conflict is The S-TLC system, which is an acronym for Stop, Think, listen and communicate.  By following these four steps, one can often resolve interpersonal conflicts through basic communications skills such as assertiveness.  Here it is broken down for you.

STOP

Once you’ve identified a conflict has arisen, begin by saying: Stop! Take a time out. If this means leaving the room do whatever is necessary for you to cool off. Everyone has their own techniques to calm down, find out what works for you and take the time to assess the situation before you respond.

THINK

Think before you act! Try not to take things personally. Avoid jumping to conclusions. Remember to take things a step at a time. What are the outcomes of the situation and your relationship with the other person?

LISTEN

Listen before you say anything. People tend to want to justify themselves when they are criticised, rather than listening to what the other person is saying. Listening is a way to affirm  the value and worth of others.

COMMUNICATE

Decide how to communicate and do it! Communication is the activity of conveying information through the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, visuals, signals, writing, or behavior. It is also between two or more people, so make sure you are taking in what the other person is saying.

Has this been helpful in a conflict for you? It’d be great to hear your own techniques to deal with workplace and even at home.

Conflicts arise everywhere so learning these skills can be transferable throughout your everyday life.  So, remember S-TLC