I do not believe everything happens for a reason. But, I do believe we can find reason in every happening.

I am currently looking for a job again. This will be approximately the 5th time since 2011 that one or both of us will be without a full time job. There have been many reasons for this, moving to a new state, the economy crashing, company re-organization, or structural failures. The juxtaposition of celebrating the holidays while simultaneously trying to figure your life out can be very disorienting, to say the least.

I wrote a blog last year about how I was going to go all in on our Business. And I did for several months. However, after many conversations, we realized that was too much pressure for where our business was at. We were trying to grow too quickly and the amount of work we took on last year was really just not sustainable to be able to work out all the processes and kinks a business needs to have time to work out. So, I took a contract position at Lands’ End and I loved every minute of it. I really believe the environment, culture, and amazing people I met were exactly what I needed to learn to trust an employer again.

We decided slower growth with our business is more sustainable and I find myself aching to work for a company with an amazing work culture. I want to grow and learn with other people who want to do amazing things and I want to flex more of my marketing muscles.

So, as of Thursday this week, my contract will have ended and I will once again be without full-time employment.

This leaves me with 2 choices:

1. I can find something out of desperation.
2. I can trust and search and stretch and believe in the process.

I do not want to take a job out of desperation. I want to be excited to work on Mondays. I want a place I can pour my heart into. People who are excited about what they do. People who want to work hard and don’t need to be micromanaged. I’ve worked for places like this, so I know they exist. And I know I will find this job.

Give us this day our daily bread.

For the last month, this has been my mantra. I’ve been reminding myself that God has gotten us through this before. Not once, or twice, but four times already. Despite the challenges that came at the end of last year, we did not lose our house. We had food on the table. Our bills were paid.

So, today, I will face what comes our way. Today, we have a house. Today, we have food on our table. Today, our bills are paid. Today, we are loved. Today, we are grateful. Like manna in the Bible, God has given us what we need today. I only need to be concerned with today and tomorrow will take care of itself.

But why does this keep happening?

I am reading Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle. While, the book has brought me to tears a number of times (which is rare for me), one part of the book really stood out to me. Glennon has a moment of clarity where she comes face to face with her deepest fears and survives. She is told that is the “journey of the warrior.”

Glennon references a line from When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön, “So even if the hot loneliness is there, and for 1.6 seconds we sit with that restlessness when yesterday we couldn’t sit for even one, that’s the journey of the warrior.”

For me, this has been yet another message (I’ve been getting a lot of these messages over the last few weeks), that I should not expect to see the destination right now. I should not expect perfection. I need to be present on my journey. I need to be hungry and content. I need to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

I remember saying after I was laid off last year, “I got too comfortable. I stopped growing. I stopped stretching. So, I got uncomfortable again so I could start growing again.”

I am not suggesting that the only way to grow is to lose your job or have something “bad” happen. However, when something bad happens, we can use it to grow – or as I said above, “we can find reason in every happening.”

I’m on a journey. The road is not a straight one, but a winding and curvy road with many hills and valleys. But you can’t have an adventure without a few challenges, right?!

XOXO,

Danie

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