So it was “Aw, goodbye Judy” and “Urg, see ya later Anton” last week. Lovely as Judy seemed, she did sort of have to go.

I know that every single year Bruce and Tess have been all like “We’ve never seen dancing of this standard! This is the best year EVER!” etc, but the quality of dancing this year really is ridiculously high.

Even if, like ‘Donny 10s’, ‘Blackpool 10s’ are given away quite fecklessly, it’s still very unusual for dancers – like Mark and Karen last week – to Dance brilliantly, get 9s and then still end up in the bottom half of the leaderboard.

However, sad as it is to see Judy go, it’s wonderful to see Claudia back on centre stage where she belongs. Zoe’s done a great stand-in job, but Saturday nights are all about the Winkleman. Claudia’s been given a bit of grief whilst she’s been off, both on social media and in the press. Anyone who has been joining in with that sort of shizzle – I hope that you never find yourselves in a situation where you take time off work to care for a seriously injured child whilst vultures circle around to offer a critique on your performance/talk about whether your temporary replacement is doing a better job than you in your absence, because karma will have a field day then, my friends. If there’s anyone who can watch Saturday’s show to the end without just wanting to give Claudia a big hug, they have a stonier heart than mine.

Blackpool was an amazing show and I imagine it was a high for all the dancers. They’re back in Elstree this week; fingers crossed that they’ll be able to keep up the razzle dazzle! So, who’s first?

Steve & Ola

Thankfully, the Ola-gate stories seen to have died a death this week and I hope that means they’ll have been able to focus more on the dance. I think I may have cracked the mystery of that whole bullying issue anyway. Imagine you’re a red blooded, heterosexual woman with a pulse working at the BBC. It’s inevitable that you would have noticed that Steve often trains in a skimpy little sleeveless number. If you were caught sloping around his training sessions once to often I can imagine you would be like “Steve asked me to be here! Because Ola is…bullying him? He requested a…chaperone?”. Bish, bash, bosh, a harmless spot of tricep appreciation suddenly mutates into a national news story and you’re powerless to pull the brakes on the runaway train that’s suddenly racing down the track, fuelled by lust and lies. God, I’m like Sherlock, the way I can put myself in the mind of the offender. Cumberbatch version, obvs, not Basil Rathbone.

So, with that mystery solved, Ola and Steve can breathe a little easier as they head onto the floor for their American football themed jive. Aw no, just as American football isn’t proper football, it doesn’t take long to see that this isn’t a proper jive. Steve seems to be marking, rather than dancing, the steps and it’s totally missing any bounce or spring. He’s not a natural kicker or flicker and his smile is a little on the grimace-y side for my liking.

Fair points from Len though, the jive is traditionally more difficult for tall/burly competitors than the little wiry ones. Not great comments and scores otherwise (a FOUR, Craig? Judy and Scott got higher than that from you!). It’s difficult though, any other year, Steve would be solidly sitting mid-table with just seven other contestants left in, whereas this series he’s very close to the bottom. It might be his last dance but, as he said himself, the punishing practice routine is taking it out of him.

4, 7, 6, 6 – 23

Caroline & Pasha

An American Smooth foxtrot for these two, and Pasha has whisked Caz off to The Savoy to tell her how suave men were in the golden age of Hollywood. Low blow there Pash, I’ve seen her whippersnapper boyfriend and I’d be amazed if he could remember the golden age of the bloody Power Rangers, never mind any further back.

Despite a semi-stumble at the beginning, this is a real old school American smooth, oozing class and elegance. Caroline dances it brilliantly too, she and Pasha move as though they’ve been partners for years. Both the feel of the performance and the technical content are spot on.

7, 8, 9, 9 – 33

Pixie & Trent

Well, even I can’t criticise Pixie for going to an awards ceremony to honour those who do good work for charity. Good for her. In deference to this, I’m not even going to raise the fact that she speaks like a 7 year old child trying to sound like a 4 year old child because they’ve had a younger sister who’s getting more attention from the grown-ups than they are. Pixie’s doing a charleston this week, and the brief snippet of her in training suggests that she’s going to do a good job of it.

And so she does. It doesn’t have the lighthearted touches we’ve seen in other charleston routines, nor any humour, but it doesn’t suffer as a result. It’s a rare classy charleston and she performs it like a pro. Thank god there’s only one or two of her trademark high leg-kicks this week, but her flicks, lower kicks and swivel are all present and correct. The judges are in raptures and, much as it pains me to say it, rightly so. I’m surprised to only see one ten in the scores, but that might be attributed to a ten hangover after Blackpool.

I still believe that she won’t win, because the public will go for someone who’s had more of a ‘journey’ and been less ‘annoying’, but she’ll reach the final.

9, 9, 9, 10 – 37

Mark & Karen

I was surprised how much I enjoyed Mark and Karen’s charleston last week, but not as surprised as I am about all this talk of Mark’s ‘day jobs’. A few weeks ago he was a radio DJ, now he has a TV programme in Tenerife?? Is he the Mr. Benn (Caroline’s boyfriend, if you’re reading, Google it. Or Siri it, or whatever you crazy kids are doing these days) of Strictly? Next week will we see clips of him being a mountaineer? Nuclear physicist? It’s all quite bewildering.

He and Karen are putting in the hours for this week’s tango though, and it looks like their work has paid off. Every move appears to be delivered sharply and with precision, and I much prefer this tango face to the orange hued version he had at the start of the series. The floor drag feels a bit dicey, but the rest of it is pure drama. Good comments from the judges, presumably all the judges, although Bruno whipped himself into such a frothing frenzy in trying to out-drama Mark and Karen’s performance that it’s barely possible to make any sense out of his wibberlings. A solid score for a good dance, but it’s probably not going to see them in the top half of the leader board again.

8, 8, 8, 8 – 32

Frankie & Kevin

Oh, poor Frank and Kev. In amongst all these show stopping, barn-storming, jaw-dropping performances, they’ve been lumbered with the Viennese bloody waltz. There are occasionally a few good ones in the mix, but generally the only exciting thing about VWs is seeing if somebody’s going to get so dizzy that they’re sick part way through. Len normally tries to throw a bit of tension in with the old ‘will they or won’t they fleckerl?’ question, but of course they’re going to bloody fleckerl. What’s the alternative, just spinning round solidly for 90 seconds?

I do like the music choice though. I sing this song, in its entirety, to my cat whenever I come home drunk. If I’m properly hammered I pick her up and dance round with her as I serenade her, and she has some junk in the trunk, does my Hector; she probably weighs about the same as Frankie. Better conversationalist too.

Anyway, nobody fell over, nobody was sick on the floor, everybody span around, somebody put a hand on someone’s shoulder. Jolly good. Shall we move on?

Two tens?? I reckon Len and Bruno zoned out during the dance, and then overcompensated out of guilt.

9, 9, 10, 10 -38

Jake & Janette

This is more like it! Jake’s had a couple of BUM weeks, now it’s time for a HIP week, with the samba. I hope this is going to be a return to the glory days of the first few weeks for Jake and Janette. I’m already impressed before they start because they’ve got Danny Dyer in the VT. There’s no situation in life that can’t be improved by a touch of Danny Dyer.

Not 10 seconds into the samba and Jake’s snake hips are out – the studio audience go wild, then he throws in a shimmy just to top it off. I don’t know if the professional dancers have speciality areas, but Janette’s Latin party routines are always spectacular.

Jake hasn’t had the formal dance training that Pixie, Caroline and Frankie have, but I find him much more enjoyable to watch. I like the way he embraces each of the characters and just storms into it, whilst appearing to be a genial, humble dude in real life. I won’t lie, he is my favourite.

9, 10, 10, 9 – 38

Sunetra & Brendan

I wouldn’t want to follow Jake onto the dancefloor, but Brendan and Sunetra are going to do just that with a waltz.

Again, the styling of the routine is beautiful, very Brief Encounter. Where can you get a dress like that in real life, with all the feathers around the bottom? I want one for my Christmas party. I also want a man like Brendan, whilst I’m doing my list for Santa. A very elegant and classic waltz for these two, Sunetra is loads better in ballroom.

7, 7, 8, 8 – 30

Simon & Kristina

These two delivered a blistering Argentine tango in Blackpool, and it’ll be quite a change if mood for them when they salsa this week. I’m not sure about the story of the dance when they describe it in the VT – film star bangs groupie – but maybe it’ll translate into something less seedy when they hit the floor?

It’s good. Energetic, bouncy, fun and it certainly feels like a party dance. There are a few slightly clunky bits, it won’t be another 3 x 10-er, but it was very feel-good overall. Now that Simon’s on his uppers a bit more, he seems to be enjoying the whole thing and, as a result, it’s more fun to watch. Good comments from the judges, with a raft of 9s.

9, 9, 9, 9 – 36

What an outstanding night of dance! If I was a betting woman, I’d put Sunetra and Steve in the dance off, but, with such a tight leader board, it could be anyone!

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