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Ojai was dry and warm, with golden, late afternoon sunlight making everything look like a scene from a Hollywood epic. Jana got noticeably more animated as we pulled up to her childhood home. There was a pottery wheel in the front yard. A beautiful brown horse lazily chewed wild grass behind a rail fence at the edge of the gravel driveway. Inside, Jana’s mother’s house was like a tropical forest. Lush, healthy indoor plants crowded every room. Jana showed me the bedroom she’d had as a child. I asked her about a photograph of her as young girl. In the shot, she was standing with her mother in front of a remote, ornate building in a dusty landscape.
“My mom goes to stay at an ashram in India for a few months every year,” she told me. “I’ve only been back once since this picture was taken. There’s a really amazing man in residence there.” A far away look came over Jana, and she was silent for a moment. “He’s like… he’s like nobody else on Earth. I can’t really describe it.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. “Is he a priest or a monk or something?”
“He’s more like a saint. He’s totally enlightened. You don’t get to see him much, but when you do, it’s like seeing someone from another planet or another dimension or something. His aura is like, I don’t know. He’d blow your mind.” She was quiet again. Then she whispered, “He’s almost God-like.”
“Hmm,” I muttered.
“You sound skeptical, Phil.”
“Well, it’s just… I like the stuff I’ve read about trying to lose the ‘self’ in yourself and to have the perception that everything in the world is part of the same whole, you know, everything flowing into and through everything else.”
“Right.”
“And that our individual selves are just illusions based on personal memories. I can see how that could create a more compassionate life for people. But the whole supernatural thing is…I don’t know. I think it’s just a lot of wishful thinking on the part of the followers, or even inflated egos in the ‘enlightened’ – which is contrary to the original goal.”
Jana was looking at me closely. She seemed to be genuinely weighing the value of my ideas. Then she said, “Yeah, but everything you just said is based in words and logic. What I’m talking about is beyond anything that you can use your brain to judge. It’s just a feeling, a deep feeling you have when you’re in his presence. Like I said, I can’t really describe it. But you definitely walk away without a shred of doubt after you’ve been near him.”
I smiled and gave her a little squeeze on the shoulder. “O.K. I’ll keep an open mind,” I said. But inwardly I was wondering if there was a lot of money involved with the ashram and a wealth of donations flowing in to this man who obviously had a lot of charisma.

That evening, a large group of relaxed-looking people came to the house, bearing a variety of vegetarian casseroles and other dishes. The birthday party was unexciting. I was restless. The evening culminated with everyone standing in the living room, holding hands in a big circle and singing spiritual songs I was not familiar with. I did, however, manage to position myself between Jana and Faith for the hand holding part. That night, after the guests had left, those of us who had come up from Santa Barbara bedded down on the floor of the living room. The girls took of their jeans to sleep, but I kept mine on. Jana and Faith snuggled close together as they drifted off. I lay awake, squinting in an attempt to see their smooth bodies in the dim light. The next day we hiked up a trail that followed a stream in a dense oak forest. I impressed Jana by stripping off my clothes and jumping into a deep pool of icy creek water that was too cold for everyone else. My bravery was contagious. Jana, Faith, and another guy from the big yellow house bared their bodies and jumped in too. The girls surfaced squealing and laughing in the freezing water. Jana’s mom and a couple other people watched smiling from the banks of the stream. Nobody stayed in the cold water for long. After Jana and Faith got out, they laid back on a sunny rock in an attempt to warm up. Their skin was tight with goose bumps and their nipples were rock hard, pointing heavenwards.

A few months later, Jana’s boyfriend left Santa Barbara to stay with his mother in New Mexico. His mother was ill and his possible return to Santa Barbara and Jana was undetermined.
“Hey Phil, what are you doing this summer?” Jana asked me one day. I was tending my plot in the community vegetable garden, putting in countless man-hours to yield about a dollar’s worth of zucchini. I squinted up at Jana. She wore a thin white t-shirt and some baggy shorts that she’d sewn from ornately patterned silk.
“No plans really. Why?”
“Well, don’t answer right away. I know this doesn’t fit with your ideal of the comfortable life, but me and Faith are traveling to India. We’re going up to the ashram I told you about. My mom’s there now. We’re planning to stay there about three months. So, anyway, I think you should come with us.”
“I don’t know,” I started.
“I told you, don’t answer right away. Just think about it. I think it would be really good for you. You’re always reading those books, like Be Here Now and The Tao Te Ching. But this would take you so far beyond what any book could give you.”
I could never quite figure out Jana. She must have sensed that I often lusted after her. We’d lived at the house for a few years together. For most of that time she was with Garth. But she was very friendly towards me. I never made any kind of move on her for fear of fouling the placid waters of the big yellow house. Social dynamics can be tricky between housemates.
“I’ll think about it,” I said.
“Cool.” She looked at me levelly with her dark brown eyes and smiled a graceful smile. Then she coughed and turned her head to the side and spit on the ground.